He lied to me

[HeadsAlwaysSpinnig]

Weve been together since teens, so i would expect hes confident in understanding my views on things, how I would react and that im very open to differing opinions on things.

I dont want to get into what he lied about so much, as its more about the fact of lying as opposed to what it was about and his reaction after.

I asked him about something hed done, he answered and i asked another question and started a conversation about it, about what i would of done in that situation. He then said he had actually done something else and hadnt been truthful.

I voiced that i was hurt that hed lied to me, if he didnt want to tell me and hed said so, i would of been fine with that, i just didnt understand why he had lied.

Im very open and understanding and its a topic wed discussed before, so i thought he understood my stance on it, equally id voiced i appreciate people feel differently and i wouldn't hold a differing opinion against them.

I feel sad that he didnt feel like he could be honest with me and concerned he thought i wouldnt react well to it.

I explained this to him, i was calm, never raised my voice, i wasnt angry at all.

This is where my second problem lies, he cant apologise for anything, ever. He finds a way to flip the situation on me or will find a way to get me to bite back at him, so then IM the issue, ive got wise to this and make a point of not taking the bait. This time he was saying i was blowing the situation out of proportion.

I said i was going to watch tv upstairs as he created a huge atmosphere, grunting at me when i asked a question and i didnt want to feel awkward and i needed time to process what had just happened.

I got up this morning, we were late because he left the kids in bed in stead of getting them up as he usually would, wouldnt respond to me, left without saying good bye to me or the kids too.

I want to raise with him (again) how this isnt how you should respond to making a mistake, i havent done anything wrong (at least i dont think) and i feel like im being punished for it, rather than him just hold his hands up, apologise and we have a conversation about it.

Communication isnt his strong point and i would likely get more out of him via text, which is annoying.

We're supposed to get married next year, the lying has really bothered me, both on context and that after all these years he felt he wasnt able to tell me the truth. The reacting the way he has is wearing thin and its something i have tried to speak about before with him.

Did i do anything wrong or am i over reacting and should just accept he lied about something not particularly important and get over it?

He sounds like a massive sulker and that is never a good thing in a relationship.

From what you have posted, I can't see that you have done anything wrong and he is punishing both you and the children.

Strong words need to be had.

I wouldn't say you've done anything wrong. If he can't deal with problems as an adult should, that's on him. Breaking your morning routine & then leaving the house for the day without saying goodbye, especially to your children, is very immature. Sulking is such a turn off as well.

How long have you been together? Can you imagine dealing with this issue for the rest of your life?

So you asked him how he voted and he lied to you. And now he is sulking like a baby.

"This is where my second problem lies, he cant apologise for anything, ever. He finds a way to flip the situation on me or will find a way to get me to bite back at him, so then IM the issue, ive got wise to this and make a point of not taking the bait. This time he was saying i was blowing the situation out of proportion."

This isn't a great bloke to have a relationship with.

It wasnt very hard to pick up it was over voting yes, but im a very firm believer in everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if its not something directly harmful to me or anyone else, im always welcome to hear it!

Yes he is a sulker unfortunately, he struggles to respond like an adult to making a mistake, i dont think healthly communication is something he was raised with, but neither was i and im able to be accountable for my actions and apologise genuinely for it. Unfortunately my oldest is very similar in terms of apologising to things but DP is able to recognise DC doesnt do it! I am working very hard to demonstrate to DC the correct way to deal with things, which is making a difference.

Weve been together nearly 20 years, i was a roll over for likely the 1st 10 of those and let alot of his shitty behaviour go unchecked and unchallenged but this has changed and i will call him out on stuff without difficulty now.

I think a firm and final conversation is again needed and spell out very clearly the relationship, let alone the marriage taking place, will not be continuing if he cant act like an adult.

If I'm understanding you correctly. You quizzed DH on who he voted. He lied, most probably to avoid a big lecture on who he should have voted for. You launched into a big political lecture anyway. DH confessed to who he truly voted for. You lecture him on lying. He proceeded to sulk.

Tbf I think there's faults on both sides here. Clearly he needs to learn it's not ok to lie, but perhaps he did so for an easy life.

Perhaps he knew if he kept his voting opinion to himself you would try to grind him down into telling you, or you would proceed to lecture him anyway (you already confessed to persisting with new questions, conversations on the topic). Perhaps he didn't want to engage in a political discussion seeing how tiresome it can be.

I think you may have mis understood, for the purposes of clarification, i will go into more details.

i asked him very simply who hed voted for, no demanding, he replied hed spoilt his ballad. I asked what hed written out of curiosity, he gave an answer.

I had yet been down to vote, as we had to go down separately because of the children, so i started discussing my thought process with him, as i hadnt decided yet, to which he replied..oh i hadnt thought of doing that, maybe i should of. We had a conversation around my thought process, and he than said 'actually, i did vote for X, i lied'.

We are NOT politically minded or feel strongly about this, its not something we would ever get into a debate about, even if we did disagree on it. I encourage differing opinions, else how would we learn? Someone may make a point that makes me re consider my own opinion, why wouldnt i wish to hear it.

I appriciate you may have read it like that but the conversation tone was no different to me asking him what he had for lunch