Mum favours other grand children

[Whistledown1005]

I have a DS8. Dsis has 2 children aged 3 and 4.
DM is always with them. We all live within 20 mins of each other so it's not travel that's a problem.
When DS was little we saw DM more but it does not compare to how much time and effort DM puts into Dsis children at this age.
It's all DM talks about, she will drop anything to see them or look after them.
She never did with us. She's said DS is harder not being of behaviour but because he wants to interact and talk to you. I mean wtf. Poor kid he just wants to speak to his nanny.

Today we have sports day and she's not coming. She's been every year so far. There's been a slight issue with a repair but DF is about to sort. If it was Dsis children I'd have no doubt she would be there.

Dm sees Dsis and children 6 out of 7 days usually. If she's not seeing them, Dsis is face timing or texting. Tbh their relationship is extremely unhealthy and Dsis is co dependant on her but I just feel like me and DS are the forgotten ones and she has another daughter and grandson too.

Feeling sad and alone tbh. I've always felt like that outsider of the family

Sorry OP, withdrew my comment as I realised it wasn't what you were talking about!

Hope you are ok, lots of us totally understand being made to feel the outsider x

They say you can't pick your family.

But you can go no contact.

We did this and it's bliss, we're so much happier now and at peace.

Phrasing I've heard before is you can't pick your family, but you can pick the family you see.

Comparing yourself to others and their relationships family or not, will never make you happy OP. Just be the mum you want to be and you'll find others will want to spend time with you, if not, their loss. Be awesome x

1. maybe your mum likes feeling needed, by your sister and her children.

2. it sounds like a symbiotic dependent relationship, that your sister and mum both want/ need. What can you do about that? Force your way in, or just let them carry on.

3. maybe it’s because your son is older and your mum doesn’t know how to entertain or engage with a child of his age, or doesn’t enjoy it. At 8, I assume he wants to play a board game, video game, go to the museum etc. maybe your mum is more comfortable with little ones?

4. perhaps it’s because your sister has two kids.

5. is there something in this, where your mum sees that you can cope just fine. Your sister can’t.

ultimately, it seems like your mum and sister are enjoying their equation, and don’t want to change it. I think it is sad for your and your son, but I think it would be more sad if you kept pushing and persisting. What does this show your son…to plead for attention from people who don’t want to give it to him? No. Show him to enjoy his life and indulge in his passions and interests. The people whom he will spend time with along the way, will offer him an opportunity to socialise and form bonds with. When his grandmother does see him, enjoy it, without bitterness or need or desperation.

What does your DS want to talk about? Is he ever quiet doing things on his own or does he want constant attention? Because that can be just as difficult to cope with as bad behaviour

A shame and must be hurtful for you.

How much did she see you when DS was younger? You mentioned she used to be more involved?

Are your sister's children girls? Some grandmas seem to have a closer relationship with female grandchildren, especially she likes doing their hair/clothes shopping/letting them play with her jewellery etc.

Has your DS always been very talkative? Do you attempt to rein him in when your mum starts to look bored or frustrated? I wonder if he's telling her all about Minecraft or BunnyVMonkey, as boys his age often do 😆 When they're getting the hang of conversations they sometimes forget to let the other person talk. Or chatter about things older people haven't even heard of. One of my nephews talks in monologues about Paw Patrol, no idea why my brother doesn't have a word.

We have thus with my ils and their dd. They had always been closer (plus live 5 min away compared to 45 min away) but once dn was born that changed everything. Ds didn't get a look in. It use to bother me a lot but over time I learnt to accept it and I stopped making all the effort. Pil now are irritated ds is not that interested in them and don't seem to realise it's their doing.

I understand why by the OP is very judgemental of her mother and sister's relationship maybe they've picked this up

I can understand how hurtful this can be, unfortunately it happens often in families. Very unfair, are you able to have a conversation with your mum about it? Good luck going forward.

Walk away! I did and I wish I’d done it sooner. The catalyst for me was when my child asked why they weren’t loved the same 😫