Would give date a head’s up that it’s your time of the month?

[Californiadaze]

I’ve got my 7th date with a guy this evening, there’s a bit of distance and the plan is that I’m going to stay at his place the night…all going well!
I’ve just come on period this morning (they aren’t regular so I didn’t know) would you just give him the heads up in advance or not worry about it and mention it later in the evening?
I’m pretty new to being out dating again!

I personally wouldn’t message that. I would let him know in the moment, so he is aware and based on how you feel about it (would you mind having sex on your period?)

I know myself that I can still very much be in the mood but might not like being on the receiving end the first few days, though happily would still want to “do things”. So I would just mention it as an FYI before starting like “I am on my period, not sure I am keen on being touched but happy to proceed with the rest” or “I am on my period and unless that’s a problem with you, I am
happy to take it further but just wanted to let you know as everyone feels a different way about it” or simple an “sorry but my period just started and I would have loved to take things further tonight but really can’t.”

His reaction to this will further highlight if he is someone you need to keep seeing or not.

Personally I don’t feel I need an announcement if someone I am starting to see is on her period. I am happy going as far as someone is comfortable going and never further and if that’s no sex on their period then that’s fine, I would rather they tell me when things start getting heated than them telling me by text before the date as I would feel like they see me as a potential sex pest who they assume expect sex, when I never do and that would definitely put me off a little.

Yes if I was planning to go back to his. Having said that I wouldn't have penis in vag sex on my first time sleeping with a guy. I'd see how good he was at giving head and then decide from there.

This. I was going to say the same thing.

"FFS - I was looking forward to a shag" - Red flag
"Ah, that's a shame - let's just have a cuddle instead - do you need any paracetamol or anything" - Green flag!

No. You do t have to justify why you're not having sex. You don't want to. End of.

I wouldn't. I'd go, stay the night, get very steamy but not actually have sex. You don't need to say why. Just have fun and leave yourselves both wanting more next time. There's not enough lead up these days.

Fuck no, why should I have to notify a man in advance with justifications for why I don't want to have sex?

What did he say?

I'd just take a menstrual sponge with me and, if I felt like it, have sex with him.

Yes. I have done similar in the past with a "typical, period came this morning" with an emoji.
Their responses tell me everything I need to know.

I guess if both parties have been building towards sex and both parties were assuming there was going to be sex on the cards the. It would just be good manners to let the other person know ahead of time. Why would you let someone continue assuming something once you knew it wasn't going to happen?

It's like if both people were assuming they were going out to dinner at a nice restaurant and then one person decided that they didn't want go but didn't give the other person a heads up. Just odd.

I would have assumed that as a sleepover was planned, then sex was also an expectation, from both sides.

Are you at a point where you could send him something like "Was hoping to take our relationship to the next level tonight, but I've got my period. Is that ok?"

If he pushes to rearrange, you can have further convo about whether it's because he thought you wanted to (plenty of women don't want to do anything at that time of the month) or because he didn't think it would be worth it. If he asks if you still want to come, because he still wants to see you, but recognises you might now not be in the mood, then again, you can assess.

OP does want to have sex and was planning to until she came on her period.

They were both expecting sex and it’s only right to give the other person a heads up.

I would say the same if he had just found out he can’t have sex for a week and knew that OP was staying over with the expectation of sex.

Would you rather OP went over there and then he only mentioned it just before they were about to start?

It's like if both people were assuming they were going out to dinner at a nice restaurant and then one person decided that they didn't want go but didn't give the other person a heads up. Just odd.

It’s absolutely nothing like this though, is it?

If you really want to pursue the analogy, I guess you could say that it’s like both people going out for dinner at a nice restaurant and assuming they’re going to have steak and then one person deciding that they only want salad instead. They’re both at the restaurant and still enjoying each other’s company, the evening is just not proceeding exactly as anticipated. Should the person who opted for salad have texted the other one that morning to say they didn’t fancy ordering steak after all? Is that what you do when you go to a nice restaurant with someone? Message them with your choices in advance?

People have sex with their period don't they? I just lay down towels.

FWIW this was the situation with DH and I about the 2nd or so time and he was unphased. We did have a shower (together) afterwards though.

(Although of course the OP does not have to have sex if she does not wish to- no matter what the reason).

Noooo, no. No, I wouldn't. He's a grown man, he presumably knows about periods? And at some stage, you're going to have one? I don't think that advance warning with a special text message is at all necessary, why would it be?

Wear a red camelia in your buttonhole.

But one person having salad doesn't affect the other person. Your analogy is so unrelated it's weird you thought it was.

If two people both assume something is going to happen together then it is polite to give a heads up if it isn't. Why wouldn't you. Both people are likely to be really excited at the thought of being intimate for the first time. That's normal and nice. So why would you not give them a heads up. That doesn't mean the evening is not going to happen or be nice.

If I was really looking forward to seeing a West End show as part of a date and then part way through the date whilst chowing down on pizza the other person just dropped in that that the West End show part of the date wasn't going to happen, I'd feel it was super weird that they didn't give a heads up.

Well, maybe that’s how sex happens in your relationship - booked in advance like tickets for a West End show.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Well, maybe that’s how sex happens in your relationship - booked in advance like tickets for a West End show.
Maybe you are just not very sexual but in my relationships after that many dates when it was obvious we were both hot and crazy for each other then we would both know we were anticipating having sex on a night we had discussed having a sleep over.

Maybe you don't operate like that. Maybe you haven't had that frisson in your relationships.

Ah - nice try with the ‘I’m just so passionate I can’t help myself’ argument 😂😂😂

I'd still be up for sex, period or not! I'd let him know in case he's squeamish about that though

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross awwww you're just miffed because your salad analogy made no sense

Awwwww you’re just miffed because I didn’t fall for your ‘I’m sooooooo super busy having all the hot sex’ tale

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Hush