Partner commitment worries

[ThisPeachPanda]

DP and I have been together for 20+ years. Unmarried.

Now I’m in my 40s, kids are about to fly the nest and I’m unable to work at the moment due to ill health. Unfortunately we have very little in common and live more like brother and sister - nothing physical for many years. I’m worrying about spending the rest of my days with someone who doesn’t love me (in that way) and who I can barely have a conversation with (except about the kids). But also worried about not having him. Whilst making a will 3 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer he told the solicitor we’d be getting married - it hasn’t been mentioned since. He has a good job and I can’t help thinking he’s protecting his pension by not getting married and that there’s every chance he’ll leave when the kids do.

He won’t give a reason for lack of sex drive (pre-dates cancer diagnosis) but says he loves me and he does a lot for me and the kids. I feel very vulnerable (financially and emotionally) but also that I’m asking too much of him given my health/work status. AIBU to want some certainty over the future?

Plan to live without him, this isn’t a man who wants to be with you. Get rid now so you can find someone who actually loves you.

You are incredibly vulnerable, that’s why you feel that way. Have you worked out what you’ll do if he up and leaves? What’s your housing situation? Do you have anything in your name?

I’d usually say pin him down and get married if you possibly can but it sounds like an unhappy relationship that isn’t serving either of you well and that he absolutely won’t marry you so plan for him to leave and where that leaves you.

Yes, house in both our names but there’s a long time still to pay so wouldn’t make much if forced to sell. He’d get new mortgage, obviously I wouldn’t in current jobless circumstances.

if You split now woukd you get more than 50/50 of house?

No, 50/50 split but not much capital as big mortgage still to pay so would only get a few thousand - maybe enough for a deposit for a flat but would still need mortgage (which I doubt I’d get).