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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help with school attrndance?

14 replies

Riversideandrelax · 04/07/2024 21:39

My DD is autistic and suffers badly with anxiety and finds school a struggle. She also has Long COVID which is so much better than it was but she still gets pains in her joints and catches everything, it hits her hard and then she sometimes gets post viral fatigue. Her GP tells me she needs to rest and to ignore the school banging on about attendance!

I've had some issues with the school with being told different things from different people. Lack of communication to help my daughter. Not able to talk to the SENCo. Plans changing every 5 min. Things not followed through on. And at times quite honestly them doing things that unsettled my DD and then wondering why she doesn't want to come in!

I rather naively asked to speak to the LEA to see if they could help as I was banging my head against a brick wall. I was told that they could help with strategies to help my DD. This woman spent lots of the time lecturing me about 'how things are in secondary school.' despite clearly having no idea what actually happened in this school! Or that my DD is on a social/emotional level of a 10 year old so actually that may be the norm for most 12 yos but it is not the case for my DD. She asked me what the symptoms were of Long COVID, had no idea what Whooping cough was and when I explained she catches everything that's going round asked me what the symptoms were of that!! She thought I should be demanding my GP do 'investigations' and 'blood tests' when she has already been diagnosed with Long COVID. Yes, it's rubbish but unfortunately it doesn't matter how many blood tests they do there is still no cure for it. She just couldn't understand that. And as for SEN she just had no clue. She thought my DD should be treated 'the same as everyone else' - I had to point out that there is such a thing as the Equality act. My DD needs to develop resilience. I felt like saying my DD has more resilience in her little finger than everyone there! She insisted that my DD spends an hour everyday with her learning mentor (as if I have any control over that anyway!), I read out every message from her (only had her 3 weeks) with most saying she was with her for around 10 minutes. There were 2 times she was with her for much longer. She still didn't believe me. Had to drag the learning mentor down who confirmed she was with her at most half an hour except for the 2 occasions. It was just a huge waste of time.

Is there such a thing as a SEN LEA person. Or someone that may have more of a clue?

Also at the meeting it was revealed that the attendance officer at school has decided that my DD's attendance is too low so she will change her authorised absences to unauthorised. I have never been asked for medical evidence for these absences and obviously now I won't be able to get it. Is this even legal? I've asked for all the information of exactly what absences they've changed and the policy of this practice but the attendance woman was too busy. They filled in a form and then tried to get me to sign it without reading it. Promised to send the form to me 'as soon as they got upstairs' but haven't.

The plan has been changed again. My DD needs routine!!

Please help!

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 04/07/2024 22:02

Bump

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StarsandStones · 04/07/2024 22:20

Wow. What a situation... bumping and hoping someone knowledgeable comes along.

beechie12 · 04/07/2024 22:37

So sorry to read riverside. I would advise joining the 'not fine in school's Facebook group and applying for an ehcp. Schools are not fit for purpose for a lot of kids and most people don't understand it until they've lived it. Put everything to school in email for paper thread.

beechie12 · 04/07/2024 22:39

Resilience is just used for 'we are not changing so put up with it', easier to blame the child

GriseldaClement · 04/07/2024 22:43

I’d recommend you take a look at spectrum gaming (they are on Facebook) as they have just produced a series of webinars on barriers to learning with a whole load of fantastic resources linked. I’d also recommend the book can’t not won’t by Eliza Fricker. Sending solidarity

Riversideandrelax · 04/07/2024 22:57

beechie12 · 04/07/2024 22:39

Resilience is just used for 'we are not changing so put up with it', easier to blame the child

Totally agree!

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Riversideandrelax · 04/07/2024 22:57

GriseldaClement · 04/07/2024 22:43

I’d recommend you take a look at spectrum gaming (they are on Facebook) as they have just produced a series of webinars on barriers to learning with a whole load of fantastic resources linked. I’d also recommend the book can’t not won’t by Eliza Fricker. Sending solidarity

I'll have a look, thanks.

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Riversideandrelax · 05/07/2024 07:26

Can anyone help with this please?

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handmademitlove · 05/07/2024 07:37

Art yourself with the DfE guidance on these issues - lots of schools don't follow it, either because they don't understand it, or they don't think it applies in your case, or they are under pressure from the LA academy trust to follow their own (often not quite legal) internal policies.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/65f1b048133c22b8eecd38f7/Working_together_to_improve_school_attendance__applies_from_19_August_2024_.pdf

Unless they have reason to believe you are lying, attendance should be authorised. Ask them outright if they think you are lying - always quote the relevant sections of the guidance when doing so.

Ask for a meeting with the school nursing team so they can liaise with the medical professionals and feed back to school.

Has the GP referred to a long COVID clinic? If not, ask for a referral as it is affecting her quality of life and her education.

Sadly, many schools work on the basis that parents don't understand the system. Once they know that you do, they back off. It shouldn't be like this, but it is - not because they want to be, but because under resourcing means firefighting rather than being proactive to fix things.

Nomdejeur · 05/07/2024 07:42

What about a reduced timetable for her? So she goes in for one lesson a day for a while, then builds up? If it gets too much then she can drop back?
How about just doing the Stem classes?
ok it’s not ideal and her education will suffer but at least there’ll be some education.

Riversideandrelax · 05/07/2024 09:24

Bump

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Riversideandrelax · 05/07/2024 13:27

Does anyone know if the school can decide later on to change the attendance data from authorised to unauthorised. The school didn't request medical evidence at the time and obviously it is now too late for me to get that evidence.

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Scattery · 05/07/2024 13:49

@Riversideandrelax, check out Not Fine In School on Facebook. It's a huge community and they ought to have some advice for you. As far as I know, illness is a statutory defense so the absences should be authorised. Sorry you're going through this. It's ridiculous how attendance is prioritised over a child's health. No common sense anymore.

Riversideandrelax · 05/07/2024 16:47

Scattery · 05/07/2024 13:49

@Riversideandrelax, check out Not Fine In School on Facebook. It's a huge community and they ought to have some advice for you. As far as I know, illness is a statutory defense so the absences should be authorised. Sorry you're going through this. It's ridiculous how attendance is prioritised over a child's health. No common sense anymore.

I just think all this time I'm having to devote to this BS. I could be devoting that to my DC!

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