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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The final performance

9 replies

BunnyLily · 04/07/2024 17:57

So my eldest is having her final school assembly next Friday and parents are invited to go and watch a play. I’ve been separated for a year and have not seen or heard from x since then. The kids see him once or twice a week after school.
anyway daughter said she doesn’t want me to go. She said she feels awkward and won’t know who to see at the end. So I said I wanted to go and she can go see her Dad and I’ll sit at opposite side. I asked her if he had suggested I didn’t go and she said no. Ok so I’m seeing her to the sleepover and going to the party at the end and seeing their final goodbyes at the end. So should I step aside for this one? Bearing in mind he has never been around a lot any way and I bought them up basically single handed. Although he does see them regularly and take them out. I really don’t know how to approach this.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 04/07/2024 17:58

So - you don't know if he's going or not?

YeahWhateverGoAway · 04/07/2024 17:58

God no. I wouldn't. You've done all the leg work. You've given her a solution and you just need to cheer and wave when she walks to her dad.

Sirzy · 04/07/2024 17:59

I would compromise with going but leaving straight after so she doesn’t feel things are awkward for her. If he doesn’t show then you can stay.

YeahWhateverGoAway · 04/07/2024 17:59

To clarify, I wouldn't sit this one out. I would absolutely be going.

mitogoshi · 04/07/2024 18:03

The answer is you contact your ex, you agree to sit together and for the sake of your dd you show that despite whatever caused the split you can put her first.

Yes it's awkward but it's the first of many awkward situations where you put on your big girl pants and bite your lip for the children's sake - I have a whole weekend for my DDs wedding, but it's ok because we stick to good times, and hopefully his gf can be polite and friendly too (my dp has met ex and it's ok) first time is the worst

KrisAkabusi · 04/07/2024 18:12

I don't see the problem. You've come up with a sensible solution, so why would you change your mind now?

BunnyLily · 04/07/2024 18:28

thanks for your replies. My daughter isn’t the most confident on stage so I was thinking it would be better if I didn’t go. I told her the solution but she still said she didn’t want me going. I’m happy to go, just don’t know if it’s come from her Dad or her!

OP posts:
RecycleMePlease · 04/07/2024 19:12

We both went to my eldest's final thing, but he slunk out before the end so DC didn't even have the chance to say hi - but then that's on brand, ex only sees them a couple of times a month, and no overnights, so they don't really think of him.

Is she worried there will be a scene? I just entirely ignored ex, and he ignored me - same when for the first time ever he turned up to a sports day. He just doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned, no scene, no fights, not even polite hellos, just total blanking.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 19:16

Surely you can sit beside each other for the performance?

Children shouldn't have to take onboard the worry of not knowing who to go to.

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