Should I stay or should I go?

[Tamrastarr]

After almost 30 years I think I am ready to end my relationship with my OH. There are many reasons, including violent outburst and unreasonable behaviour. In the past he has always begged me to reconsider and I have done so. Even though some of the more minor cases would definitely get a LTB reply on Mumsnet!

We have a lovely home and a lovely family (children are adults so not at home) and sometimes, when everything is ok, I just want a quiet life and I am happy with what I have, so put up with it. He is not always horrible.

I have been away from home since Friday (after an outburst from him) but I am due to go home tonight. We are also booked to go abroad next week. I am very torn about what to do. I think I should leave and in all honesty, should have done so many years ago, but then I think of the upheaval and I stay.

I am not even sure what I am asking, but I think I am asking for guidance.

Thank you

I think you'll only get people telling you to follow your gut instinct (which this is- your gut instinct telling you you're not safe or emotionally OK for this mess from him).

And they would be right.

I would ask you to consider- the rest of your life with him. Think how that idea makes you feel. The next 30 or whatever years with this man. In the good times and the bad, if you get poorly and need a supportive partner not an abusive dick. Possibly relying on him in your old age. Or having to care for him if he gets sick despite him treating you like shit for so long.

Imagine it. Years and years and years of him..

How does that feel? And go with that answer

I would use the momentum from being away from him to leave.

What's the situation, are you married? Do you rent or own?

I had an aunt who lived with a horrible man her whole life. She almost did leave once but changed her mind last minute. Then she had a stroke and was left fully in his care. Her last few years were something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, just left to sit by herself, kept away from family until she eventually passed away. So please don’t just consider your happiness and welfare now, think about if this is the man you want around when you’re both elderly and either one of you needing high care.