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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told him the truth?

26 replies

toomeny · 04/07/2024 07:13

Been casually seeing someone. Let's call him P. It's just a bit of fun and probably isn't going anywhere.

P had asked if I wanted to get together this Saturday night, but in a subsequent conversation was being non committal about whether it would go ahead. He "might" be around. He isn't sure. He'll let me know on Saturday night itself. He needs to see how tired he is after football and he has some family stuff he'd have to do first, so he wasn't sure if there would be time. This is fairly typical behaviour from him.

Literally during that conversation with P, a nice guy that I've known a while, happened to message and ask me if I was free at the Saturday night.

P saw me pick my phone up and (jokingly) asked who it was.

I decided to be honest.

I told P who it was and that he'd asked me out, and that as P couldn't commit to Saturday night, I was going to go on the other date. I showed him the message so he knew I wasn't just trying to make a point.

It wasn't an ultimatum for P. I'd already accepted the date before I told him who it was.

It was an act of self care to ensure I didn't spend my Saturday waiting around on a "maybe" and instead spent it with someone who was excited to spend time with me.

On reflection though, I feel like I was a bit immature to tell him and came across as defiant.

There's no real dilemma here as it's already done. I'm just curious to know if people think it was the right move or the wrong one, as I'm cringing a bit about it!

OP posts:
Holdsagrudge · 04/07/2024 07:19

Sounds like he wants to make sure you know you’re an option he might fit in when he feels like it after him having made the error of seeming keen….

Probably expected a bit of a pick me dance from you.

He got the ‘I pick ME’ dance instead. 🤣

Mayyay · 04/07/2024 07:22

You did the right thing. You're not playing games. He's telling you where you stand and you're simply doing the same.

SherbetSweeties · 04/07/2024 07:23

You did the right thing, you’re not in a relationship with this guy and he’s dangling you on sat. So go with the other guy.

Itstherichthatgetthepleasureasusual · 04/07/2024 07:23

I think you did exactly the right thing.

Barbarella73 · 04/07/2024 07:24

Well done you, OP!

P asked who it was, you told him, and you also told him that you now have plans for Saturday night. You’re being open and honest, what P does with that is up to him.

Enjoy Saturday night!!!

44PumpLane · 04/07/2024 07:24

Well done OP, know your worth!!!!

You didn't have firm plans, now you do.....excellent decision!

CuriousGeorge80 · 04/07/2024 07:25

Love it! Totally the right thing to do, well done!

Chickenuggetsticks · 04/07/2024 07:26

I did this to a bloke once, he was genuinely shocked that I wouldn’t be sitting around waiting for him. Good for you frankly. If you aren’t actually in a relationship then I’m not sure what he expects.

stealthninjamum · 04/07/2024 07:27

Well done. There’s nothing more annoying that someone being flaky about an evening out. Did he assume you’d be waiting at home for him? Hopefully he’ll be more respectful of your time and less arrogant of his ability to keep you hanging in future (although I hope you dump him)

i hope your date goes well. Please report back!

Herecomesthesummersson · 04/07/2024 07:29

Definitely the right thing! If it's not a 'hell yes' then it's a 'no', I can't be doing with 'maybes' and blokes thinking you'll just sit around waiting for them.

FOJN · 04/07/2024 07:29

You've done nothing wrong.

You haven't left P with the impression you'll be waiting for his call/text on Saturday so now you both know where you stand wrt to Saturday.

If he doesn't like it then maybe he should stop acting like an entitled prick who thinks you'll delay make plans on the off chance that he's interested in seeing you.

Backtothedungeon · 04/07/2024 07:38

I think you've been perfectly reasonable. How did P react?

toomeny · 04/07/2024 07:42

Backtothedungeon · 04/07/2024 07:38

I think you've been perfectly reasonable. How did P react?

He said he understood and it was the right decision but then dropped a few little jealous comments in throughout the rest of the evening.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 04/07/2024 07:43

Well done.

AppleCream · 04/07/2024 07:47

You have done exactly the right thing. I hope P learns something from this!

needsomewarmsunshine · 04/07/2024 07:49

toomeny · 04/07/2024 07:42

He said he understood and it was the right decision but then dropped a few little jealous comments in throughout the rest of the evening.

Good for you, have fun OP. Is his name Prick by any chance? Jealous comments ffs🙄

Skyrainlight · 04/07/2024 10:24

I think you did the right thing, P should know that you aren't there to wait around in case he has energy for you.

Blablasheep · 04/07/2024 10:32

Well done! Don't feel bad about it!

At the end of the day, he's just not that into you. And that's ok.
You deserve someone who actually wants to spend time with you.

keepingsanity · 04/07/2024 10:35

Read "Why men love bitches " it's all about knowing your worth and not standing g for stuff like that - it's eye opening

PantsAcademy · 04/07/2024 10:45

Ha, he wasn't expecting that! He's the MAN so of course he can dangle you a line with his "maybe" and "if there's time", and you as the woman should just wait for him to decide whether to grace you with his presence.

I admit when I was single I probably would have done just that, not made any plans and jumped when they said how high.

I hope you have an excellent Saturday night.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/07/2024 10:52

You were honest, you did the absolutely best thing.
Remember to look out for yourself op, no one else will, especially people like P.

Enjoy your Saturday night.

theworldie · 04/07/2024 10:54

Have you ever seen the film/read the book “he’s just not that into you?” bc honestly, any man who really likes you would no way want you to go on that other date.

So if he’s not that bothered and doesn’t say he’d like to take you out instead do yourself a favour and bin him off completely- he sounds like a complete wet dishcloth and faint heart never won fair maiden and all that shite (it’s true though!) know your worth!

GentlemanJay · 04/07/2024 10:59

I would have done the same. Go out and enjoy your date.

Ginkypig · 04/07/2024 11:01

Well now he knows that he needs to decide is he interested or is he not because you aren’t just going to be sitting there available and waiting.

he knows you are a busy woman with people interested and won’t put your life on hold for the chance he will want to see you.

IncompleteSenten · 04/07/2024 11:01

Good for you. You're an option for him if he decides he feels like a shag late Saturday night.
Bugger that!
Why should you sit around waiting for him to let you know if he feels like hanging out?