Should a man that didn't want the baby pay maintenance

[dillydallybub]

So as the title says, should a man that didn't want a baby pay maintenance?
Please give me your thoughts and opinions

This, really. In a nutshell.

Yes!

Imagine being able to have a child with no further consequence than a small percentage of your income that, unless you are a really super high earner, wouldn't even touch the sides of the true cost of a baby. Absolutely no other consequences to your life, body or mental state.

And still whinging that it's unfair because it could be avoided if the woman had an invasive procedure, carrying certain risks, that she doesn't want. That that invalidates parental responsibility and everyone but you should bear all consequences of you having sex.

It's amazing really.

I am not wrong as there is no right or wrong in this just opinion of which we all have a right to have. ( the law is different of course )

I haven’t declared your ‘opinion’ wrong as you have a right to it also, this thread and MN is full of…just opinions

On the moral side I consider both parties have a moral obligation to stick to a previous agreement. On the basis that they both did everything they could in order to stick to that agreement any breaking of it is, in itself, morally questionable.

I remember this - such a great thread!

If she says she's on the pill, he says 'that's nice, but I'm still going to put something on the end of it'. Responsibility for contraception isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. Each person is 100% responsible for their own fertility/reproduction. No contraception is 100% effective, but they are totally ineffective if you don't use them.

You can’t be serious with this post. If you are, then get your head out of your arse.

Yes. He has the responsibility, end of argument.

Why should anyone bear any ‘ financial fallout’
Why should anyone these days when you can take an abortion pill if there’s a mistake
I don’t understand why people have kids when they neither planned for them and can’t afford them when there are easy solutions.

unless there’s some religious reason of course.

If you both don’t want a kid there are ways to avoid it
don't jump into bed with each other ie no sex
multiple contraception’s
morning after pill
abortion ( preferably by abortion pill )

All of these avoid as you say the ‘financial fallout’.

No, you are wrong. Parental responsibility trumps all. There's nothing moral about abandoning your child and demanding the world fixes your duty for you because "previous agreement" bollocks, as if you can excuse yourself from being a parent. Perhaps if you are an agreed sperm donor for a woman who fully intended to be a single mother. Some deadbeat shagger whinging because he got someone pregnant when he didn't want to and now thinks his parental duty to the child he co-created is outweighed by "but we agreed"?

If you don't want any chance of a pregnancy, don't have sex with a woman who has any chance of getting pregnant. That's when you make the agreement, because you know where that can go. And a woman's right to bodily autonomy outweighs a man's "right" to a consequence free shag.

Men are not entitled to consequence free sex.

@dillydallybub if he had the sex to make the baby, of course he should pay. He made the choice to do the deed.

Most of the time, women aren't adverse to ending up pregnant, in fact, some hope they do. Yet, at the end of the day, HE is the one with the responsibility. If he is dumb enough not to protect himself, how can he be pissed off by the resulting pregnancy. He has the end say on what happens, or may result from a shag with, I guess, someone he doesn't know that well.
Sure protection isn't always effective, but that's often user error, or using none. A condom everytime should not be negotialble. To respect HER and to respect HIMSELF. How do these guys not get that message growing up? Then act so pissed off when the luck runs out 🤷‍♀️

It's happened and I'm sure you are delighted. All you need to worry about now is looking forward, getting your ducks in a row, including a claim for CM when it's time, and build a new life with your baby.

Perhaps men could have a vasectomy until they’re in a committed relationship?

Easily reversible, and without the side effects of female contraception or the dilemma of abortion.

Makes no difference if the condom fails and woman wants to keep the baby. He still has to pay.

You’re forgetting it takes two to have sex.

You seem to think all ‘fault’ lies with the guy. Women aren’t these shy retiring all virgins forced into sex these days. They are just as keen as guys to have some fun.

So I will say, for the last time, You are wrong!
Both sexes have a choice to have sex
Both sexes have the choice to want a kid or not
Both sex have responsibility to prevent getting pregnant if they don’t want a kid.

Anyone who changes their mind is perfectly entitled to but a man of course can’t change his mind as it’s not his body. He has no right to force a women to have a baby so from an Equality perspective she has no right to force him either.

We will have to agree to disagree on this I think.

Reversal isn’t guaranteed to work and it’s not available on the NHS.

Some people are unable to grasp that a parent's responsibility to their child is between them and the child. It's really got fuck all to do with what the parents agreed among themselves. You co-created this child. You and the other parent are responsible. Nobody else is responsible for ensuring you get no consequences for sex.

I remember my father telling me I had to put up with his abusive behaviour because my mother agreed to it when she married him. That honestly makes as much sense, in fact it is exactly the same logic.

Just to add, OP, that I wish you well whatever you decide. Yes, of course he should pay maintenance.

Careful mate, you're showing your misogyny.

First, in thinking that refusing to allow a man to opt out of supporting his own child, that I am somehow "forgetting" the mother and saying "all blame lies with the guy". Even while you argue to allow him to drop everything on the woman. That's such a skewed perspective that it probably invalidates everything you say.

But then there was also this:

Women aren’t these shy retiring all virgins forced into sex these days. They are just as keen as guys to have some fun.

As if it's in any way relevant. Are we supposed to praise the deadbeat for not also being a rapist and reward him by not holding him to his duty? What the fuck has the fact that the sex was consensual, as it should be, got to do with anything? A man should get consequence free sex and be allowed to abandon his child because the woman also wanted to have sex? What the fuck?

Of course. (Assuming he wasn’t raped?!)

My cousin is a doctor and he’s baffled at the amount of both men and women who come in acting all shocked when they find out they’re pregnant despite having unprotected sex.

Btw just to be clear even if he did use a condom and it split or whatever he’s still responsible.

Guess it might get men acknowledging the reality of the risk burden carried by women - years of contraception, possible unplanned pregnancy, the prospect of single parenthood, abortion etc.

He should have thought about that when he was playing roulette having unprotected sex. Yes, he should pay maintenance.

I can't believe there's women on here say no if he was trapped or she says she's on the pill!?!? WTAF!!!!!!!! Those are the type of women that have no problem with a man not being in their child's life.

Yes, he's responsible for maintenance payments like any other parent. Go through CMS and contact the police re the death threats.