Should a man that didn't want the baby pay maintenance

[dillydallybub]

So as the title says, should a man that didn't want a baby pay maintenance?
Please give me your thoughts and opinions

Exactly, biology dictates that a man's choice comes before he has sex, because the woman is the one who falls pregnant and carries the child she has the choice further on, that's just how things work, not a trick to get men to father children they don't want.
The man doesn't get a choice further down the line because the woman is the one who's body is affected either way, birth or abortion, she's the one taking the risks, going through the physical aspects of it and living with the concequences whatever choice is made.
Is it fair men don't get to opt out later on? It's as fair as the woman having to either carry or terminate a pregnancy and deal with everything that goes with that. As in it's how biology works and is generally understood by adults of reproductive age that's how it works and when either sex has their choices and the potential concequences of those choices.

Nobody says this to women though.

Are you serious?

Women are never told not to have sex?

There isn't an absolute ton of insults for a sexually active woman?

I always think it's amazing with our clever advances in medicine that scientists haven't come up with a pill for blokes. I wonder why that it? Then if a bloke really doesn't want a kid he can double up with the male pill and condoms.
I'm sure if our society actually enforced these men to pay maintenance, then there would be more of a push towards male contraception.

@Whatthefuck3456 you have absolutely no idea about me! I'm very independent thank you! I raise my children alone and happy doing so! My children were all wanted by us both and once we split up he decided that they weren't his responsibility anymore once he went on those have a child with someone else! Get your facts straight before assuming I'm not independent love!

Historically would have said yes always... friend got trapped - condom split, girl said she was on the injection so didn't need to take the MAP despite him saying she still hsould .... now paying for a child

Does it count as being trapped when you walk right into it on purpose?

Most of those insults aren't related to making babies though, they're about perceived promiscuity.

If a woman gets pregnant and for whatever reason abortion isn't an option, then she's not in for a free ride and nor should the bloke be.

I reckon instances of blokes being trapped are a/ pretty rare and b/ a question of poor judgement. Everyone's gotta live with their poor decisions unfortunately

How did he do that when he used a condom? He took as much responsibility as he could short of not having sex didn’t he?

O here it’s considered bad form to say to a woman with an unplanned pregnancy that she shouldn’t have had sex without protection. Yet a man who has got a woman pregnant? Should have used a condom/had a vasectomy/not had sex.

That was definitely not his situation - he pays the money but honestly I feel for him, he has a child he is forever genetically linked with who he tried to avoid having. From a personal standpoint as a woman I made every effort not to fall pregnant with someone I wasn't in a committed relationship with. I know relationships fail and men can be absolute dicks but i wanted to at least go into parenthood with someone I knew was genuinely wanting a child with me especially for the child's sake. As someone who never knew their father ( And from what I am aware he doesn't even know I exist) I've got pretty strong views on the subject!!

IMO every time a man and a woman have PIV sex there is a chance of a pregnancy.

So if a person absolutely doesn't want to make a baby they abstain from that act completely.

It takes 2 people to make a child. Those 2 people are responsible and those 2 should pay equally.

Quite right too!
This is not even remotely an equal situation because only women get pregnant. Therefore the choices and responsibilities are different, and come at different times.
Both men and women do have control over their own fertility, though, and should never trust this to another if having a child would be an absolute disaster.

That was definitely not his situation

He had sex with a fertile woman.

He did the right thing using a condom but sadly they aren't 100% reliable and he got unlucky. I have sympathy but it's the risk he tool and the woman is not obliged to take the MAP if she doesn't want to (some people react badly to it).

He's doing the right thing by supporting his kid but that's what he should do. I'm sorry he got unlucky but that's the risk he took.

Do you read the same forum as I do? I've seen responses like that all the time, along with "why did you have kids with this prick?"

At any rate, how can it ever be a bad thing to tell someone who doesn't want a child to use contraception??

So if a man lies to a woman regarding his fertility in order to get out of using a condom, what’s the options for the woman when she gets pregnant then? It’s not possible for her to walk away consequence free, is it? Even an abortion comes with risks, plus it’s a horrible procedure to go through, so why do you p think men should get to walk away with no consequences if women can’t?

🤣🤣🤣 I can’t believe you seriously just said that! On what planet?

Not saying it’s a bad thing. Just that there are double standards. And when people say “why did you have kids with this prick” it’s usually in response to posters complaining about their shitty husbands and then dropping in that they are pregnant with No 3 or whatever.

I was solely speaking from the experience on my end, why should my partner at 20 have had any reason to doubt her taking her pill? As far as he was concerned, the pills were disappearing from the packet, he was only 20 and she was 18, he wasn't exactly experienced with woman lying to him to get a baby out of him.
If a woman is lied to then yes, she has to deal with the consequences either by having a baby or an abortion, and woman still have a sh*t time with those. But the fact that that's how human anatomy works and men physically can't be pregnant isn't every single man's fault. The men who are lied to and tricked, why should they be punished for being treated like that? I'm not saying women should either, before anyone jumps down my throat, and there absolutely needs to be a safer option for abortion, to reduce the risks dramatically. But a man who then is forced to be a parent could develop mental health issues from the experience and as we know, men's suicide rates are at an all time high, so forcing a man to make that choice isn't without it's risks either.
In all honesty, there are shtty men out there and there are shtty women out there, and failing to acknowledge that isn't doing anyone any favours.

No one is saying there are not shitty women out there but a baby is always innocent. They need both parents to look after them and share the costs of raising them to have a good start in life. They are a product of having sex and no contraception is 100 per cent reliable. As others have pointed out, abstaining from sex is the only fool-proof way to avoid pregnancy. If you choose to have sex, you should be prepared to look after a child. It's not a punishment, it just life.

Absolutely unless he made a pre-conception contractual agreement to get a woman who wanted a baby pregnant on the understanding that she would take on all aspects of care and financing by herself and that he wouldn't be involved and that both parties were in agreement of this. Otherwise yes he should pay.

Even in this scenario, it should depend on the baby's needs being met.

Pre-nups, for example, are not enforceable if they don't make adequate provision for the needs of children.

There absolutely are double standards, in that in our society a woman is almost always criticised much, much more for having sex than a man. If you have to seek out a largely female audience to find a place that, in your perception, doesn't enforce this sexism as much as society at large, then I for one can totally live with it and I suggest you find a way to do the same.

Contraception fails. The way for him not to be a father is to not have sex, that'll go down well if you're dating.

This is an ethical rather than a moral question, I am guessing.

And I would say, it depends.

If no discussion has been had and contraception fails, then the man should pay. And he should certainly use a condom if unsure.

On the other hand, if two adults in a relationship agree that they don’t want a baby and that the woman will have an abortion if she gets pregnant, then if she changes her mind should she get pregnant, she should take responsibility alone.

That does imply a slightly awkward conversation before sex but is perfectly reasonable in a long (or even medium) term relationship.

But the vacuous phrase of ‘don’t have sex if you don’t want a baby’ is pretty silly. How many people of either sex would accept an absence of (penetrative) sex in a long term heterosexual relationship?