Why am I not happy?

[Englishrose223]

I have a decent job, a couple of friends, a home. Not rich at all but have enough money for the essentials and I don't have to worry which I consider myself very lucky for. I went through something extremely traumatic about 4 years ago which has never really left me and changed my life. Have had loads of counselling regarding it. I don't have a partner and have been single for years which I find hard and no children. Spend a lot of time alone which I find hard and get very lonely at times. Just feel like I should be happy and I'm not.

What type of treatment did you have after the trauma?

What's the reason you spend lots of time alone? Are there things you'd like to do that you don't feel able to do?

Did you / do you want a partner and children now? Could you be grieving for a life you wanted?

I had Schema Therapy and a bit of emdr.
I'd love to have a partner and possibly children. I have no confidence dating. I am overweight (starting to work on it) and I worry I'd turn up on a date and the guy would be like God you're way too big. I'm only a size 16 but still feel like that. When I look in the mirror all I see is chubb and fat.

I think maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself. If you give yourself a hard time for not feeling happy or how you look it will make you feel worse. When you say unkind things to yourself it has the same impact on your nervous system as if someone else has been unkind to you.

If you don't feel happy, you don't feel happy. Don't punish yourself for feeling that way. Trauma can make people feel very hopeless and flat.

I wonder if it would help if you treated the partner and children as a long term goal and for now just focused on gradually stretching out the things you feel confident or comfortable with, adding more things that make you feel good into your day-to-day life.

What activities do you enjoy? Any activities that would involve being around other people even if not interacting with them?

4 years is a short time since your trauma, it can take a while to find a new normal that feels safe and happy again. There's lots of reason to be hopeful that you will continue to recover - please don't give up on yourself or your future.