To ask MN teachers for help to stop bullying :-(

[bullyhelp]

Son has been bullied for nearly two years in school. Year 2. Mostly hitting and sometimes names.

School say all the right things to me but doesn’t feel like any of their action plans have made a difference. He has been hit again today.

I have a meeting with school next week and don’t know what to say. It’s just me and I don’t have anyone to help me with what to say or do.

The kid is really strong academically and has autism in case that is relevant.

What should school be doing? Every time we meet it’s all, we understand, we care, but what can they actually do?

We can’t go on like this as my kid can’t cope much more.

MN teachers, any advice for me in what I should realistically be expecting?

These are not small whacks, my son is bruised often 😭

And yes, if it doesn’t stop he will have to move school but none of our six nearest schools have places, I’ve checked. I will look after him and quit work if I need to to look after him, just not sure how we’ll live if I do that.

MN teachers, any advice for a worried mum on what I should say or do next?

Ask about safeguarding. What are they doing to keep your son safe? If they give you a plan, ask what the next steps will be if it doesn't work.
Is there more than one class in his year group? Do you think it would help if he were to move classes? Because that is a practical thing you could ask for - I appreciate he shouldn't have to move, but it might help.

There should be a copy of their anti bullying policy on their website. If there’s not, ask for it. Then check to see if they are following. Have you been keeping a log of the incidents? If not, can you recall the latest ones? They need to be able to see that this isn’t just a case of friends falling out, or isolated incidents-bullying in schools is often defined as ‘several times, on purpose’.

Follow the school’s complaint policy, it will be on their website.
Complain that they are failing to keep your child safe. Create a paper trail and escalate up if the school’s response is still just lip service.

Thank you @ChittyChittyBoomBoom @HostaFireandIce @MidLifeWoman

I have raised safeguarding and they have put a few things in place like when the TA is meant to be alone with the class, they actually make sure there is a second adult in there now, and no adult is ever alone with them. But really, in a full class of kids, if this kid decides to hit my kid, it can’t really be prevented.

They definitely know this isn’t a fall out and the violence is regular and one way. But, I’ve just realised they haven’t actually used the word bullying, only I have. I’ll look up their policies again over the weekend and see what I can do.

Moving class could work but the other two classes are above capacity so not sure what they would say.

Does anyone have any idea of what next steps could possibly be for the shcool though? All I can see is my child leaves or the other kid gets 1-1 which isn’t going to happen because they’re fine academically I guess? Don’t know.

Would you go through the full complaints process before leaving? Has anyone ever gone through a complaints process and actually stayed at the school? Not sure how up I would look at the teachers and head once I’d complained!

Report it to the governors, then when Ofsted come in they will check what was done about it. That will force them to deal with it.

Is this only happening in the classroom or playground too?
Is it just your child targeted?

In terms of class numbers if he's going in Y3 next year then infant class size rules of a max of 30 don't apply anymore so ask for him to be moved.

Read the safeguarding and the bullying policy. Follow the complaints procedure which should be on their website. Call a meeting with the head teacher and ask how they plan to keep your son safe as they are currently not. Photograph all bruises and print them out and date them on the back so they can see visually that this is happening. If you haven't photographed previous ones then start now. If the other child has autism and this is part of his SEND needs (or I mean if that Is what the school are saying rather than it being bullying) then this child needs to be supervised. If your son is being attacked at break/lunch then the child needs one to one support.
Unfortunately the schools hands are tied if this is down to the other child's needs as if he is academically suitable for the school despite this violence it is near on impossible to get him a place in alternative education. Which does not help you or your child.

If there are two classes demand that they are split for next year. Supervision at breaktimes or whenever these incidents are occuring. Discuss the impact this is having on your child's mental health, ask about counselling or play therapy that the school need to support with organising as the issue is in school. Say that you have looked at other schools but it isn't possible so this matter needs to be dealt with.
Make sure that everything is emailed for a paper trail. Including after the meeting, ask them to minute the meeting, make your own notes also. If they do not email the notes then send your own minutes.
I feel for you and your child. Fingers crossed for you.

Previous posters have said everything I was going to say.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
It sounds like the school is being pretty crap here, and I think you’re just going to have to be really on them. I know you shouldn’t have to. But I’d be in very regular contact with school about it until it is dealt with, don’t let them fob you off. And push for him to be in a new class come Sept.

This is rubbish, your poor child.
Unfortunately you (and the school) are in a challenging position - as the child has SEN, the parents may claim disability discrimination if they try to enforce a punishment, or say that their child cannot control their behaviour.

As others have said, they could mix up the classes next year.
Is there any reason that you know of why this child is targeting yours - there often isn't but I thought worth asking.

My daughter had same, and I had to go to head to get the child hitting my daughter moved to other side if classroom rather than next to her.

A 1:1 for behaviour issues (or rather SEMH for this child) is absolutely appropriate in this situation. Their autism does not make hitting others ok in any way, shape or form.
The hitting child needs appropriate support and supervision and your child needs to be kept safe from bodily harm.
Making the complaint official will put the school under more pressure to actually do something, as complaints and actions taken are monitored. Ofsted does not like safeguarding failures.

@WombatStewForTea definitely targets my child although other children are hurt sometimes as well. @Bushmillsbabe my son has a particular talent that this kid is quite good at, but not close to my son. The school have shut down any opportunity for this talent to be visible.

@BookArt thank you so much, I feel so stupid for not photographing and recording anything but I just thought it would stop because they had a plan. I’ll do the things you say.

@bullyhelp honestly I completely understand, I only say this from experience. I'd also say to put something in the photo like a pound coin to show the scale of the marks.
I wish you luck. I've just read what you said about your son's talent. This school doesn't seem like the right place for him, I'd get his name put on every other schools waiting list and hope a place becomes avaliable.

They shut it down to stop him being a target, or they shut it down as they are not encouraging of children's individual strengths?

@Bushmillsbabe They shut it down to stop him being a target but it’s a pretty normal not uncommon talent so it’s almost unhelpful that they’ve stopped it as it is noticeable. Sorry for not giving details, I am terrified of being recognised by the school and adding to my problems!

Teacher here. Clearly the school is showing they can’t keep your son safe, I would speak to a solicitor that specialises in schools and education see what they suggest. If you don’t want to pay you could just risk it and threaten legal action in an email to the head teacher and governor- see if that pricks their ears

I would have taken matters into own hands long before now. Do you see his parents at pickup?

You need to seriously consider self defense classes and teaching him to hit back. I'm sure the boy is used to getting away with it and I am almost certain that the first time he got a nice punch back, he would never do it again. Always the case.

I’m sorry this is happening to your DS. It is distressing when it happens and the school don’t seem to be doing anything.

This advice is coming from a school governor with experience of complaint panels. You need to be taken seriously and there is often poor advice on here which is drowned out with the sensible advice about how to get taken seriously.

Firstly no one minds you using the complaints policy - it is there for a purpose and as long as you remain polite and don’t go in with threats then it will be fine. Don’t worry about not being able to look teachers in the face. The best approach is to be a polite and persistent pest.

You need safeguarding policy, behaviour policy, SEND policy and bullying policy. Find them - they should be on the school website and highlight anywhere they are not being followed or if there are any gaps.

You’ve arranged a meeting. So your options are to go through with the meeting and see what they say or make a formal complaint. They may cancel the meeting if you put the formal complaint in.

If you go to the meeting - focus on your DS, what are they doing to keep him safe. What do you want as a resolution? If it is a move of class then say so. If they’re not following their policies then politely point it out. If they agree an action plan, then get it in writing with dates and hold the school to it.

Then if you’re not happy, then follow the complaints policy, it will set out how to move through the stages with timescales so make sure they are followed.

As a back up, you can always ring your LEA and get yourself on the waiting lists of any local schools you’d prefer. A place may come up - you never know.