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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To uninvite friend to concert

23 replies

TheEagerPink · 03/07/2024 19:11

As the title suggests would I be unreasonable to univite friend to concert.
The reason why I would like to uninvite her is that we went to a concert 2 months ago. I didn't see her in over a year. I was really looking forward to seeing her. We went to the concert had a great time. I was staying over at hers. This is where the trouble started.
Our lives are very different, I have 3 children, really enjoy being a mother. She is child free and really has a great life, holidays x10 , restaurants, concerts, other great things. Life is good for us. We are in our 30s (37).
She went on about one of her co workers having a baby last year and how the co worker won't go out anymore. Making digs at mothers, how they stop living just because they have a baby. How they let the child take over their lives. I did get triggered.
It was time to get something to eat, Ive been intermittent fasting for over a year. Its late now and I also had a wedding the next week so that was going to be my time to break the fast. It was nearly 10pm. Food is just fastfood. I have lost 16kgs with more to lose. I wasn't yet at a healthy bmi. I wasn't even hungry. I ordered a herbal tea so she wouldn't be eating by herself.
This time she was triggered. She asked why I wasn't eating. I said I wasnt hungry. She kept pressing and I just said Ive been intermittent fasting and I don't want to break it nor am I hungry. She went into a rant. How ridiculous I am for starving myself and thats not living. I just let her have her rant. I could see why she was triggered as I have lost a good bit of weight and she would be on the heavy side but I wasn't going to eat crappy food to make her feel better and me not.
So we were both triggered from each other. I left early enough the next day. Her house mate even said to her she was in a terrible mood. I did try leave on a positive note. I can see how we got triggered from eachother but I feel that I really trigger her.
I bought the tickets for this coming concert , not looking forward to it. Maybe she isn't either. Could I just say oh something came up.

OP posts:
WitchyWay · 03/07/2024 19:15

I wouldn't lie. I'd talk to her about it. Explain how you felt and see what she says. Either you can clean the air and have a good time, or you both agree it's not a good time and make an excuse to avoid. YANBU but do it the kind way and communicate.

Anononony · 03/07/2024 19:20

I'm confused by the fasting time, were you not planning to eat until the wedding the following week?

AbraAbraCadabra · 03/07/2024 19:30

What do you mean by not breaking the fast until the following week? That's not how intermittent fasting works.

Pippa12 · 03/07/2024 19:34

I had a friend who I was really close with. I had children and she didn’t out of choice. I realised during covid we really didn’t have anything to talk about, we’d grown so far apart. I wish we’d both of tried harder to get over the hump. If we see each other we stop to exchange pleasantries, but essentially the ‘friendship’ is dead.

Perhaps use the concert to try and find some common ground again, meet each others new found lifestyles with kindness and see how it goes. If you’re still sniping with one another, maybe it’s irreparable, but at least you’ve tried!

Original poster
TheEagerPink · 03/07/2024 19:49

AbraAbraCadabra · 03/07/2024 19:30

What do you mean by not breaking the fast until the following week? That's not how intermittent fasting works.

Sorry I made a mistake in the way I worded it. You can have cheat days every once in awhile and I did not want the concert time to be a cheat day, when I had a wedding the following week.
I just meant by it, that it was a lifestyle choice she didn't agree with and had a rant, the same with being a mother. Our lives are so different now and I just seem to be triggering her.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEagerPink · 03/07/2024 19:52

Anononony · 03/07/2024 19:20

I'm confused by the fasting time, were you not planning to eat until the wedding the following week?

I would see her point if that was the case 😂 maybe I worded it wrong sorry. I stop eating at 6pm. It was 10pm at that time and I wasn't hungry.

OP posts:
BifurBofurBombur · 03/07/2024 19:53

Did you pay for the tickets? Has she transferred you her share?

Do you want her to take both tickets and pay you for them or do you want to keep both tickets?

I would just tell her that you can’t make it anymore and she can have both tickets if she transfers you the money for both.

Or if you want to go just tell her you can no longer go and you’ve sold the tickets.

Or even better, tell her that you were upset by her being mean to you so you prefer to go to the concert with someone else.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 03/07/2024 20:00

As is often the case with difficult friend threads the key is to have a diplomatic conversation

MightWusk · 03/07/2024 20:14

Not sure why you would be triggered about her discussing a colleague who will no longer go out. That's a conversation?

The food thing, yeah that's none of her business. But I don't think it's cause to lose a friendship over.

Noseybookworm · 03/07/2024 20:28

You're friends - have a conversation with her. Tell her that her comments upset you and that you felt like she was criticising your choices. If she doesn't apologise and you can't find any common ground then maybe the friendship has run it's course. But don't avoid talking about what happened with her, she deserves a chance to reflect and clear the air.

AlwaysGinPlease · 03/07/2024 20:36

Sounds like the friendship is weak and you both irritate each other. I'd just tell her.

StankyMeg · 03/07/2024 20:38

The word triggered being shoehorned inappropriately into multiple threads these days is driving me batty.

Overthebow · 03/07/2024 20:41

What’s with all the ‘triggering’? Sounds a lot of drama.

rainbow126 · 03/07/2024 21:16

StankyMeg · 03/07/2024 20:38

The word triggered being shoehorned inappropriately into multiple threads these days is driving me batty.

Would you say you’re…triggered by it? ;)

Thatdontimpressmemuchh · 26/10/2024 04:15

Since we are throwing around that word. I would be "triggered" if I went for dinner with my mate and they sat there watching me eat in disdain with their herbal tea. Boring!

pepperminticecream · 26/10/2024 04:20

Thatdontimpressmemuchh · 26/10/2024 04:15

Since we are throwing around that word. I would be "triggered" if I went for dinner with my mate and they sat there watching me eat in disdain with their herbal tea. Boring!

OP doesn't have to eat fast food at 10pm to make someone else feel comfortable.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/10/2024 05:00

Yes stop saying “triggered” when you mean “annoyed” or “irritated”.

To me it sounds like you just both rubbed each other up the wrong way. Her with her inappropriate “rant” (though she’s not wrong about some mothers and it doesn’t sound like she was having a go at you as such) and you with your sanctimonious herbal tea (which I might have found a trifle annoying too).

autienotnaughty · 26/10/2024 06:56

@TheEagerPink did you go to the concert op?

Starlightstarbright3 · 26/10/2024 07:01

This thread is a few months old .

Original poster
TheEagerPink · 26/10/2024 19:28

BitOutOfPractice · 26/10/2024 05:00

Yes stop saying “triggered” when you mean “annoyed” or “irritated”.

To me it sounds like you just both rubbed each other up the wrong way. Her with her inappropriate “rant” (though she’s not wrong about some mothers and it doesn’t sound like she was having a go at you as such) and you with your sanctimonious herbal tea (which I might have found a trifle annoying too).

Thanks. This happened awhile ago. I was over 100kgs on a losing weight journey and had lost 20kgs by intermittent fasting and excercise. I was nervous if I broke the lifestyle change , I would get back to where I started.
It wasn't a planned eating out.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEagerPink · 26/10/2024 19:32

autienotnaughty · 26/10/2024 06:56

@TheEagerPink did you go to the concert op?

Yes, we went to the concert. I realised the friendship was definitely over. It was good to go, even to realise it was the end. I'm very grateful for having her.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 26/10/2024 20:00

StankyMeg · 03/07/2024 20:38

The word triggered being shoehorned inappropriately into multiple threads these days is driving me batty.

I agree. Enough of the bloody triggering. You pissed each other off. I have a friend who suggests we have lunch then orders a black coffee while I tuck in. It used to piss me off, I wasn’t ‘triggered’.

SweetLimeSoda · 26/10/2024 20:03

Congratulations on your weight loss!

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