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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trigger warning - pet loss

3 replies

Sparklybutold · 03/07/2024 16:31

The past week has been horrendous. 3 massive events. I won't say all of them because it could be identifying.

The last hit however was making the decision to put the family dog to sleep. This event within itself was heartbreaking. He died in my arms. The first vets let us down by not turning up but we managed to arrange for another to come out and they supported us throughout. They were truly amazing and I will be forever grateful for their adaptability, compassion and just human-ness, just the connection and understanding ensured our beautiful boy had the most peaceful death.

I am struggling with lots of things at the moment, but I find myself at the same door owing to the same ongoing hurtful set of behaviours which I have to constantly talk through in my head to not take so personally.

I asked my MIL to stay with us for a few days, which she did. However she just became another person to care for. I continued with life as much as possible but she just tagged along. In her situation I would have cleaned, cooked etc, but she just stepped back. I know she loves us and I know she would be hurt if she knew how I felt. But I just didn't have the energy to tell her what I needed and it continues to surprise me how emotionally blind she can be. I am devastated. Before our dear dogs departure, my husband said he'd drive her home which she agreed (originally going to take the train home, about a 5 hour round trip). But despite her seeing the devastation and that our daughter couldn't attend nursery because I didn't have the car, she didn't have the insight to take the train. It gives me a glimpse into why my husband struggles with both his parents, because again, I know they love us but they can be so emotionally absent that it hurts.

However, I do love her, but I can't help but feel hurt at her lack of 'seeing'? I would appreciate perspective and opinions.

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 03/07/2024 16:39

I don’t think you are being unreasonable because you are grieving and going through a difficult time. However, I just didn't have the energy to tell her what I needed and it continues to surprise me how emotionally blind she can be made me immediately think that she can’t mind read and just didn’t know. It’s quite likely she needs to have things clearly explained, with no room for doubt, and if she is that kind of person, she also isn’t being unreasonable.

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/07/2024 16:44

I truly sympathise - we had to have our beloved dog pts in mid-June and we're still grieving massively.

Some people have no real idea how much grief losing a pet can cause, I'm afraid.

Sparklybutold · 03/07/2024 17:03

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/07/2024 16:44

I truly sympathise - we had to have our beloved dog pts in mid-June and we're still grieving massively.

Some people have no real idea how much grief losing a pet can cause, I'm afraid.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's absolutely heartbreaking and feels like part of me is missing. I misjudged what I thought she could provide. By asking her to stay was asking her to be proactive, but then I know she hasn't demonstrated this before so more fool me for expecting a different outcome. I think what particularly got me was the free acceptance of DH taking her home which meant DH was away from home leaving me looking after the toddler (older son home but he's pretty self sufficient) as I couldn't get her to nursery without the car. I would have really appreciated to have some time to myself. I knew in conversation she was eager to get back for her Pilates class this evening.

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