I'm not where I imagined ...

[itschemical]

... my life isn't what I wanted it to be!

I'm sliding into my 49th birthday (Sunday)... and I am not where I thought I'd be.

I'm single (3 years after a horrible abusive relationship ended, I had to go even though I 'thought' I loved him at the time) and I have a 25 year old son.

I am suffering with a host of mental and health issues currently living with my mum and step dad as their live-in carer. My mother is old and my step father has late stage dementia and an aggressive form of bladder cancer, so I basically do everything apart from wash my step dad (the actual carer does that). I do all household and garden chores, sort/order medicationas well as making appointments, making phone calls, sorting bills, insurances, ordering healthcare items for my step father... etc etc

Due to my mental issues I have no social life. I've been in abusive relationships all my life and still not found 'the one'.

I always wanted more. As most of us do. We have an idea of what we wanted our lives to be but in actual fact, life throws shit bombs at us and the ideas are a million miles away from how we imagined.

I have a handful of 'friends'... most live far away, so I don't even have them around... I feel utterly lonely.

I always get really retrospective around my birthday.. but this one especially because it's been a really tough year. My son has been incredibly unwell, meningitis, gallstones, mental health (tried to unalive himself for the second time), 2 situations of anaphylaxis.... it's been challenging and I feel lost, alone, hopeless and not sure whether another year like this is for me.... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please don't come for me as I'm not up for being brought down even more.

Thank you.
IC.

I did use to work, before I got sick. I have done all kinds of jobs, alongside my main 8-5. I always worked 2/3/4 jobs at a time, but unfortunately due to nothing that was in my control, or my fault, I became very unwell and unable to go 'out' to work.

Can you get any additional help with your step dad? DM had Dementia. In the latter stages she was in a care home as it all became too much for the family. Prior to that we found our local council offered targeted carer support in addition to the help we received (a lady came in once a day to help with bathroom needs).

I don’t like birthdays as I always see it as another year has passed by and I haven’t done xyz. I’ve tried to reframe it by looking at what I have achieved. Some years that’s a lot harder than others!

Would work from home roles be an option for you? Admin, Marketing or Customer Support type positions?

I’m really sorry, it sounds very hard.

We are looking into CHC, but it's a process. We have a doctor coming on Friday to assess.

Our local council, adult social services have been rubbish. Even now, our regular twice a day carer isn't turning up on time due to a change in the rota. Getting my SD up at 11 and sometimes not
coming until nearly 10pm for bed.

We have spoken about additional support but the thing is, we never know when he wants to go to the loo and he gets very cross if he's made to go when he doesn't want to....

We had a full of faecal explosion at 9.30 the other night.... went everywhere, took me 2 hours to clean it. The carer didn't turn up that evening and I couldn't leave it for my 80 year old mother to sort out.