To have written off a relationship? Can anyone in a similar situation relate to this?

[Hber]

I’m quite sad about this and wonder if it’s a common feeling. I’m a single parent to a 2.5 year old. The relationship with their dad ended during my maternity leave. Like most people I didn’t envisage being alone like this. I really enjoy being in a relationship and wanted to build a life with someone. I’m independent, I’m ok on my own, but it’s not the life I wanted. I love being invested in someone and someone being invested in me. I enjoy a relationship and it is something that was always important to me.

Since I’ve been a single parent I’ve basically written off the idea I will now ever have another deeply meaningful relationship again. I’m already 38 so unlikely to have more children. That happy ending with someone doesn’t really exist anymore. I am extremely grateful for my child and I am content in many ways. But that spark and energy for a future with someone has gone, even though I know deep down I always wanted that very much. I have spoken to men and had a few dates but I just don’t feel that magic anymore with dating. It’s like that phase of life is over and I missed the boat in finding someone right for me. Is this a common feeling as a single parent?

You say you've written off the idea. I think you're mist trying to protect yourself. If you enjoy the idea of a relationship, then be open to one. When kids are young, this is difficult, but you have years ahead of you.

I'm closed off to relationships as I don't enjoy them. I don't enjoy being invested. I'm a bit older than you, but I realised that I love being single and it doesn't sadden me at all. I think that's very different to your scenario.

I've been single since DD was 18 months. I had a lot of fun in my early to middle 40s when I had short spells of child free time, but like I say, I enjoy my own company now.

Best of luck to you, OP. Honestly, just try and keep an open mind. It sounds like you have a lot to give, and it would be a shame to close off to the possibility of a relationship in the future.

Just to add; it's very easy to become jaded with dating (and especially after being let down by someone) Plus, toddlers / younger kids are tiring! Give yourself time.

Just to add; it's very easy to become jaded with dating (and especially after being let down by someone) Plus, toddlers / younger kids are tiring! Give yourself time.

Thank you for your post @RainbowZebraWarrior

i think the main thing for me is I desperately wanted that family unit with that person I shared a child with. I think that’s what gets to me most, I am extremely unlikely to have that at already 38.

I split up with my kid's dad 6months ago and it hasn't been smooth going. I always wanted marriage and a family unit, I'm 37 and the thought of starting again by meeting someone, dating, then putting my two kids in the mix does not appeal to me, and that dynamic worries me when you hear and see lots of not so good stories about step parents and step kids. Never mind the troublesome ex. Then the new man possibly having children and an ex and that dynamic... It sounds exhausting.

I want the marriage, I want to find that person. I don't want to have to kiss a load of frogs and quite frankly I do not trust that I can pick for myself as I haven't done particularly well so far 🤣🤣🤣

Sometimes I think, in time, when the kids are older and don't want me as much I might be more open but right now... Eurgh. Nope. Not happening.

@BookArt this sums up how I feel entirely. I really don’t trust myself either. I’ve dated a couple of decent men but just can’t help thinking… but what are they hiding? I thought my ex was it. He was very very very much NOT it.

@Hber oh I understand completely. I've joked with friends and family that I need them to arrange a marriage for me, or go on married at first sight or something.

My worry now is that any fuck up I make with another relationship affects my kids. I don't want to put them through building a relationship with a man for him to then disappear.

My walls are soooooo high right now if you can't tell 🤣 I've only been single 7 months, i am enjoying it.