Potential Extra Income

[ShouldITell101]

Hello MN! Long time poster but have name changed to avoid identification!

I am just after some opinions on what I should do..

My salary currently gets paid into a joint account that I hold with DP. We live mortgage-free in a house owned outright by him, and have lived together around 8 years. No DC.

Since I moved in, I have found myself paying more and more of our bills/food/outgoings. He is self-employed and hasn't actually had a steady income since per-Covid. He worked sporadically before that, but I have always earned more - now I provide 100% of our income.

I am employed PAYE full time. I can also do my job privately, out of hours, if I wanted to. I've just been approached for someone I worked for several years ago to see if I would be interested in any private work, as a contractor (so not PAYE). They would pay £10,000 per annum, split across the 12 months. I could handle this work.

Now, here's where it gets tricky. Due to the situation with DP, I have no savings, nothing at all to my name. I have a couple of credit cards that I pay the minimum on each month. I would like to have this additional income paid into a different account, in my sole name, and not tell him. We have been on the rocks lately and I feel I need to get something behind me so that, if I need to, I can leave comfortably. He monitors everything that comes out of the joint account.

Question One: Is this 'right'? I know that I shouldn't have to hide this from him, but if I tell him I'll be doing the work and earning the money, he will want to see it/spend it. If I say no, he'll kick off and kick me out.

Question Two: Of course, I would need to declare this via Self Assessment. Can I keep my current PAYE tax code, and just pay additional income on this, or will it have an impact on my PAYE code? He will notice this and question it if so..

What do you think?

Also, yes, I know I shouldn't have let myself get here but I was 'in love' and blind to the stupidity. I have built a rod for my own back so I need to try and get myself free of this situation..

Thank you!

No idea on the financial legal stuff, but get the £10k paid elsewhere, get yourself a home of your own sorted, get your salary paid into your own bank account and get out.

I believe if you are self employed for the other work then you just do it via self assessment and your PAYE code won’t change, but at certainly not an expert.

If he is that bad he would kick you out if you did something he didn’t like then have no qualms about what you are planning. Also try and access and save records of all that you’ve paid for in recent years.

Be careful about post turning up, you'd have additional post for self assessments and it sounds like he would read it!

Thanks, both.

It's been a tricky last few months for us, I know we both know we are on the rocks. I get frustrated that he doesn't work, he gets frustrated that I get frustrated at that.. He does work in and on the house, on his own projects, but nothing that brings an income in. He's not horrible, or lazy, but he feels he has some right to my salary because we live together. This has begun to wake me up, especially as he refuses to have the house, our home, in joint names.

I do not intend to make any claim against him or the property if and when I leave, I just want to know I can make a clean break.

I will make some time this afternoon to call HMRC and see if they can clarify re PAYE - it would be great if it could remain unaffected!

Just do self assessment, it's quite straightforward plus you can claim £1000 allowance/or expenses if these are greater than £1000.

You are still contributing fairly. No reason you can't side hustle for yourself.

I do this and have a separate current account for side hustle before putting any such earnings into an ISA to keep in time for January paperwork on tax returns.

Have you looked into the benefits of setting yourself up as a limited company instead of self employed?

Do you need any kind of contractor insurance for your industry?

You say he's not horrible or lazy, but he's both of those things while he thinks he has a right to your salary while he brings fuck all in! Good luck, glad you are making steps to get out 💐

I handle self assessment for someone I work for - he is paperless, but yes, I'll check with HMRC. Perhaps if I explain the situation they might be able to use an alternative address (my colleague has suggested telling them I am being financially abused so need to keep it away from my home, sounds a bit dramatic but it might help)..

You'll need to register for self assessment through your personal hmrc account.

It doesn't sound dramatic, you are being financially abused.

Honestly I'd redirect all your income into your personal bank account and just leave, go rent elsewhere.

He's a sponger, there's nothing stopping him stacking shelves for cash but he'd rather sponge off you. 🚩

I do self assessment and don’t get any post - you can opt out/opt for electronic only. You might get an initial letter with login stuff.

Your tax code won’t change, it will still be applied in full to your PAYE job and any self employed income is taxed through your tax return (so make sure to put enough aside!).

Also, please leave him as soon as you can, he’s a waste of space.

I actually think your partner is in a more precarious situation than you are, once you leave he will be left with no income. Fortunately that will mean he gets a job and starts fending for himself. The cheek of him monitoring YOUR money. Divert your new income away from him and build a nest egg for your new accommodation asap.

Thank you, all.

Re insurance: Yes, I'd have personal indemnity insurance. I've held this before so I know what I need there.

I have a personal HMRC account login, so I can register there. Not thought of being a limited company, what would the benefits of that be?

Yes, my eyes are opening and I am realising this is not what a relationship should be, at all. I don't want to just move my salary now, as I don't have anything saved and don't have enough for a rental deposit and months rent in advance, and all that goes with setting up a new home. I'd rather be in a better position financially and be able to just go.

@Hawdyerwheesht do you also have a PAYE employed income?

If you changed your salary into your personal account and said that, going forward, you'd pay half the bills only so you could concentrate on clearing your credit cards, would this initiate the kicking you out? I assume he's got no actual debt of his own while yours is increasing?

Thanks @SlipperyLizard that's good to know. I have a login already, so hopefully that wouldn't need any physical post.. Also good to know re my tax code, huge relief!

@Angelsrose Yes, I agree. But that's what's kept me there for so long, feeling responsible for him. He keeps saying he could get work, but has other things he needs to do, so I have to remind myself not to worry about him, he'll be ok..

@apostrophewoman He just wouldn't wear it, he would say I was hiding things, it would cause a huge row and I'd have to move out before I could. No, he's got no debt. Mine, thankfully, is just going down now - I destroyed my credit cards, as I was using them to do little things like treat myself to lunch, rather than take the money from our joint account.. Daft, isn't it?!

It's your money so only you can know whether it's right. Personally, imo it's your income so you are more than entitled for that to be paid into an account on your own.

On the flip side, if you proposed 50% bills, how would you respond to him requesting rent for living in his house? Sounds like you've been living rent free for 8 years, albeit paying more than your share of the bills.

Does your salary get paid straight into your own account or joint account? If it’s into the joint account make sure you change it into your private account.
can you have some that stay in your own private account and tell him it’s for your credit card so it’s not all joint? I get it’s kind of him to let you stay in his house, but it’s not fair that you’re paying all the bills and outgoings if that’s not something you want to and is leaving you in a precarious situation.

I would definitely take on the extra work and not tell him, start saving up a deposit for somewhere to rent and make a plan of how early you can get out. Also make a plan for how you can close your joint account so you don’t have to deal with that after you split

Hi OP, I'm a tax adviser. Re the PAYE, the self employment income will be taxed separately through self assessment but your tax code may change if your overall income puts you into a new tax band (basic rate to higher rate) or for example if you started to earn over 100k and then began to lose some of your personal allowance.

@ForCheekyOpalAnt Yep, totally get what you're saying. So, for at least 6 years, I have paid all of the bills - including his personal outgoings phone bills, car tax and insurance, prescriptions. 100% of everything, including food, days out, meals out, gifts for his family for birthdays/Christmas, materials for doing the house up, fuel, wood for the fire, 100% of everything. So yes, I would happily pay 50% of the shared bills and 50% of the food, and he pay 50% plus his own bills (phone, car, etc), and then I'd pay a rental percentage. However, he doesn't earn anything so couldn't cover his half. He would say something like "the rent covers my half so you might as well keep paying it all".

All of the household bills are in his name, my name is only on the Council Tax.

It all started with 'he pays the bills, I pay the food', then 'I pay the food and half the bills', now 'I pay it all'..

I work full time PAYE and also earn around £10k p/a from self employed business.

I get no specific mail from HMRC - it's all generally emails and texts. When doing the self assessment you used to need your P60 from your job, although the SA system now pulls this info through automatically. You then add all the self employed info (I use Quickbooks to help with this) and you'll be given your tax owed calculation.

You can just pay it by bank transfer or debit card and no impact on PAYE. If your tax bill is under £3000 and you submit your SA return early, you can opt to pay the bill through your PAYE code if you want to - so if you're in the 40% bracket you'll be over the £3000 limit on £10k income anyway.

Six years of paying for everything?!

Sounds like you're a caring person and he's become reliant on you and that's perhaps why he's not positively looking for work.

I agree with other PPs, pay it in into a separate account and if he asks about it explain that it's your side income and you intend to put it away for the future (e.g. a pension for retirement etc etc). He shouldn't be allowed to financially abuse you and him keeping an eye out for change in tax codes and insisting all money is pooled suggests he's already financially abusing you.

Could you stay with a friend or family for a month or two so you can save up for a deposit and rent?

Thank you all for your replies.

It's great to hear re PAYE - it won't take me over my current tax bracket so I should be ok re the tax code.

I know it should be as simple as getting my salary paid into my own personal account, but it isn't. It isn't worth the arguments it would cause - I live in the situation and I know how it would be, so that is not an option all the while I am living there.

I don't have anywhere else I can stay, I live a very isolated life here and my friends are his friends' partners. My family are not close, and I work in an office so could not commute back and forth to them.

This is the best way I can see to get out - just giving myself a few months of additional income to be able to have enough to move out without any worries at all

While you're doing this, ask HR to start paying your salary into your account and only pay the council tax.

The arguments can't be worse than the current set up and it gets you out quicker.