To expect 2 year old to participate in group time/activities

[whatareyouwaitingf0r]

My DS has just turned 2 and I take him to a pre-school gymnastics/soft play class for an hour every week. The class is a mix of free play and group time. The instructors also do different activities for the children to earn badges and work towards certificates etc.

My DS has been going for a few months but has shown no interest in doing the structured activities despite lots of attempts from the instructors to persuade him with stickers/badges etc. Instead he just wants to carry on running around exploring the gym/soft play on his own terms. He also rarely participates in group time, on occasion he will join in if it’s a song he likes, but most the time he’s indifferent to it.

Am I expecting too much of him to participate at this age? I can’t help but see all the other children taking part nicely, and doing the activities to earn their badges. I feel like the other parents are giving me the side eye as I’m the mum of ‘that kid’ who just runs around doing his own thing for an hour 👀

@Noodledoodledoo that’s brilliant 🤣 my son has the whole gym to play in but he likes to go in the gym office and go through their desk drawers!

@DuckBushCityLimit this is a very valid point. He absolutely loves going so I don’t want to stop, I just obviously need to just chill out and let him be!

@Lifeinlists this is so true! This morning one of the mum’s was determined that the instructor saw her daughter do a pike jump which did make me roll my eyes a bit. Meanwhile my son was stuck headfirst in the sponge landing pit 🤣

People tend to self select out of activities there kids aren't into so you'll end up seeing the kids that are ready for that stage more. My first was the kid lining up, my second probably didn't line up quitely or join in groups till about preschool. We had our third by then so it was a bit of our blur. Where he's at now is completely normal and developmentally appropriate. Its a wide range and even 3 months difference in age at this stage can mean a very big developmental difference. If you don't feel comfortable in that activity you can always do something else and come back to it when he's ready, but anyone giving you the side eye over very normal behaviour is being very unreasonable.

Yes OP this is totally normal.

@Workawayxx @prescribingmum thank you, that’s really reassuring.

The instructors are really laid back and concentrate on the kids who do want to participate. I do get a lot of laughs (and some funny looks…) from the other parents as I run around after him but if he’s enjoying himself and having fun I need to chill out and manage my own expectations!

He'll be a different child come September, you mark my words.

Or possibly September 2025...

😂

Ahh you sound like me with my first! We would go to Tumble Tots and all other kids would go from one station to the next whereas he'd just want to do whatever he wanted to do. I was absolutely mortified!

Then he started school a few years later and I realised all kids are bonkers and none of them are particularly well-behaved or enjoy sitting down and listening. Some will do it better than others, but most struggle with it. And that's ok. They're young.

All this just to say, I think your child sounds like a perfectly normal two year old. Looking back, I feel so bad for how embarrassed I was because of my toddler who couldn't even talk yet, yet I expected him to want sit down and pay attention to other adults who meant nothing to him.

Kids are so different at that age.

My DS would have happily sat in my lap for a group time at that age, but my DD would never sat for something like that at barely 2!

Both are now perfectly normal, socially acceptable children.

My son was the same, I took him to a music group once. He was so disgusted at the event that he stormed out the building and back to the car! He was also the same in the swimming, wanted to do his own thing and not the silly singing and ducks.
I just would take a break from structured stuff and do free flow activities.

My 3 DDs all went to a class exactly like this. First 2 did everything when and how they were told. Not number 3! She saw all the brightly coloured fun stuff and had no interest in sitting still. I took her out till she was a bit older. It's meant to be a fun activity for you both. If it's not don't go!

My son did 'free play' style gymnastics and nothing structured until he was 3. Your child is 2, go easy on them!

My youngest is 2 right now and it never occurred to me to even try anything structured. We go to the park and she races around quite happily.

The parents of other 2YOs like him, of which there will be tons, probably just aren’t gluttons for punishment so will be found in the unstructured playgroups, playgrounds and soft play centres where their kids can go feral free. He sounds perfectly normal. As are the kids lining up nicely. They’re just different and usually people tend to seek out activities which suit their kids. If it’s not working for either of you then sack it off and do something else. It’s supposed to be fun after all!

We used to go to a music toddler group, Ds never , ever in a whole year actually did the dance, clapping, whatever but definitely enjoyed it! He’d just watch and smile. Fortunately it was a lovely group where everyone could participate ( or not) as they liked. He is now 11 and a total performer . Do what you like.

It doesn’t help that my brother has a daughter a similar age who is very biddable and will sit nicely when we go out etc while my son runs rings around me, which draws comparisons from my family!

But your replies are all very reassuring so as long as my son is happy and enjoying himself that’s all that matters!

I could have wrote this post! My little one is 2.5.
I used to go to toddler groups and see all the other children sitting down doing the actions to nursery rhymes etc and my child would just be running round exploring things. I stopped going to those toddler groups and now go to soft plays, farms, trampoline toddler sessions, the park where he can run wild! It’s an easier life. They are all different and I am much happier not having to feel conscious about my child running riot. I’m not concerned as I think it’s just his personality!

I go to a similar class with my 15 month old, there’s children much older than your DS that do that at our group. Wouldn't worry too much yet.

Let him be.

Our grandson was the same at 2. Nearly 4 now, he’s way ahead in every way.

He's a little individual , nothing to worry about.

My DS did this, if all the other tots were returning their musical instruments to the box he would be there pulling them all out. This was one of many things that led me to think he had SEN, although at the time threads much like this one told me I was being silly and it was all very typical behaviour. Well, it wasn't. So in isolation it's fine but if you have some other concerns maybe there is more to it? Only you will know this OP.

This! Children at 2 (and in fact all children) should be exploring their world in their own way. Your child may well get into group games etc. later but it’s also okay if your child doesn’t do what the majority of children do, at any point! They are an individual so try not to set expectations based on others or compare them too much.

I do know how you feel a little as my older child has always done his own thing and it could be daunting in baby groups when it’s all new to you. He still does his own thing at 6 and he’s thriving, in fact his teacher said she’s fascinated by his brain as he knows exactly what he wants to learn and how to learn it. However he has zero interest in team sports so ‘misses out’ on joining all the other boys in his class at football, but he doesn’t mind as he’ll be up a tree or building something instead. Some
children never particularly thrive in certain group situations and that’s okay, too.

So, let them explore!

lol, no.

My now 11 year old was that 2 year old. He’s still absolutely full of energy and will pace about while talking, cleaning his teeth etc but he absolutely can sit down and engage in an activity when he needs to. He even sat and worked on a drawing for more than an hour the other day, at which I nearly fell through the floor with shock. We’re all different. Enjoy him.

My dd would join in all activities be focused etc at 2. Ds was very different. Everything was on his terms. Used to get the look and comments about parenting. I pointed out my dd to show it’s not parenting, all kids are different.

i was concerned though and move in a couple of years to when they were ready to start school. Did say at table tried writing etc in reception, I spoke to teachers when ds was starting to apologise that he was nothing like his sister. It was then that I was told not to be so harsh. Dd was actually the abnormal one and ds behaviour, concentration levels was more what they expect.

Few more tears down the line, ds is now yr4. One of the most polite kids in his class. Sits and does all work asked of him and generally his behaviour is really good in school.

i wish someone had told me sooner that I’d just been spoilt with dd rather than me thinking my ds was just ‘difficult’

You absolutely are not being unreasonable. I used to take my 2 year old to a gymnastics class whilst I was heavily pregnant. Worst time of my life balancing on that bouncy floor whilst my two year old ran riot. Now she’s 3 and baby is a bit older, going to try again, I think she can take instructions a bit better.

I had that 2 yo. He has adhd but is lovely

The only structured class we go to with our now 2 and a half year old I would say 70% of the kids are off running around doing their own thing most the time! Then there are a few that will be doing their own thing for a bit of the time but will then go and join in with what they are 'supposed' to do. Then you have our child, she would sit beautifully with us, for the whole hour.. but will only watch and not join in with anything or anyone in the class. So like another previous poster, some days I would definitely take the running around as a good thing!
I do wonder as well in your case if some of the kids are older without you having realised, there is such a big difference between just turned 2 and nearer 3. Or the ones who are more like your child the parents have decided not to pay for classes and just let them run wild at soft play!