To seek sole parental responsibility

[Smilingbuttired]

I have done a previous post about how my ex doesn’t help me with our son. He has him 1 night a week unless he has plans and expects me to do it all.
I did a post recently about how my boss was unhappy with the amount of time I’ve had to have of for my son being unwell (he suffers from migraines and vomits so the school won’t let him in for 48 hours if he vomits there)
my ex never helps me with this and it’s left to me to miss work which is now becoming an issue.
Son has now developed what I think may be covid although have not got any tests, coughing, headache, can’t smell or taste anything and body aches. Ex won’t have him there as doesn’t want germs in his home so once again it’s left to me.

AIBU to seek sole parental responsibility as I do all of the parenting anyway?! My boss can’t comprehend why I am the only one who takes time off to be with him and I completely agree with that so maybe if I was the only one with the responsibility that would explain it.

It’s affecting my mental health worrying everytime I have to call in even though I offer to work from home everytime there’s only so much I can do from home. My family all work full time there is literally nobody else I could ask. If I lose my job I’m completely stuck. I’m a single mum.

what would you do?

Are you looking to remove his PR?
If so, you won't get that. They won't remove his PR for this at all.

They aren’t going to remove PR, and there’s no need to as he doesn’t do anything anyway.

I agree with the first poster. Decisions about PR are made by the courts with the child’s interests first and I don’t think you’ve any hope of getting sole PR for the reasons listed. It’s hard to enough to do when there’s evidence of abuse (from my experience from work).

You can't just take away his PR because he can't be bothered

I don't think you understand the concept of parental responsibility.

There are rapists and paedophiles who still have PR. You won't get his removed.

Do you mean residency?

Thanks for the quick responses, I think I’m just so stressed out.

I would never stop him having contact but he’s the kind of guy that likes to throw his weight around. He enjoys that I have to ask his permission for things such as to take son on holidays. He expects me to check with him before I make decisions yet he’s not involved! He wouldn’t come to look at high schools yet expected me to then go to him to agree which one we thought (I didn’t). He didn’t even turn up when he needed emergency surgery 🥹

As others have said, removing his PR because he's a bit crap won't happen.

My boss can’t comprehend why I am the only one who takes time off to be with him

Removing existing PR won't help/isn't necessary to address this. Just tell your boss you're a single parent and that dc's dad isn't very involved. Any handwringing from boss or 'but why' questions and I'd shut that down, it's none of their concern and they're overstepping.

Yeah you can't just remove parental rights like that. My DC Dad hasn't seen them in many years and was actually convicted of child abuse a few years ago, I was told by my solicitor the courts would likely not approve removal of parental rights but they would approve me being able to move away/go on holiday when I want/able to make sole decisions.

You do need permission to take the child abroad.

Also school do need to be mutually agreed. To make life easier I would send him factual updates.

I am attending XYZ school with the view of enrolling John. You are welcome to join on ABC day and time.

And then leave it at that. He has no control of your day to day life so regardless of what he says just ignore him.
You are also not his PA so once he is in that school it's up to him to organise all communication and dates not you.

Actually if you get a Child Arrangement Order (very common) where the child is stated to live with you, you do not need his permission to take the child abroad if its for less than 28 days.

He would still need your consent though.

A lot of women find a CAO is the way forward with a controlling or abusive ex. You might want to consider applying for one OP.

That needs to be specifically mentioned. Not all do.

Also if it interferes with his parenting time then it still needs to be discussed as not making the children available would be a breach of the order.

If the vomiting is due to migraine then you should be able to get an exemption for the 48 hour rule. He's not contagious so it's unnecessary. Either that or he needs medication.

School can't be happy with the amount of time he is having off.

Work with the GP on this. Medication might be an option, and a letter to show the school explaining his condition.

If you don't ask, you don't get.

You mentioned looking at high schools, what age is your son?

I know not all do that's why I wrote its common.

Discussion is one thing, requiring consent is another.

Clearly exercising a existing right granted in the Order is not a breach. The onus would be on the other party to submit a further application. Trying to prevent a resident parent from exercising this right and depriving a child from having a holiday would very likely be viewed as a malicious application by the court.

OP many women find a CAO gives them back an element of control. I've personally been able to book numerous holidays with no further interference. I would recommend it in your situation.

Im pretty sure that as the resident parent you do not require permission to take him abroad for less than 28 days, CAO or not. It’s written into most CAOs but exists regardless. I also highly doubt your ex will stump up the £270 to apply to court to say you’ve taken him without asking.

You need to get a doctor’s note re his migraines and vomiting to give to school. Obviously they will still send him home when unwell but he won’t have to stay home for 48 hours if they have evidence it’s not related to a potentially infectious illness. My DSS has reflux and they were sending him home left right and centre until we got a doctor’s note. Now they only send him if he is vomiting repeatedly and he can come back the next day if he’s fine (not sick anymore now he’s on proper medication but this was when it was just being started).

My son is 11. He himself doesn't like going there every week as he says its boring and their time revolves around his little brother who is 1. He regularly asks if he can stay with me.

Would a CAO be able to state that we have son alternate weekends? With him going to high school he will want to start seeing his friends at weekends and he should be able to! Ex lives 1 hour away and refuses to see son during the week and in the past when i have tried to broach the idea of alternate weekends ex has threatened me with solicitors because according to him 'im interfering with HIS time' its not his time, its just he refuses to see son on any other day! Then when ex has plans at a weekend he will gladly go 2 weeks without seeing him.

Yes a CAO will take into account your child’s wishes and feelings and fair weight will be given to them as he is 11. Every other weekend is a common arrangement and he can bother to see him during the week if he wants him more. There are no guarantees but if that’s what your child wants that does matter. They would suggest mediation before a CAO so maybe look into that as it can be cheaper? And you can get an agreement that can later be approved by the court if it doesn’t work. You can get half an hour free advice from most family solicitors so suggest you do that as they will be able to tell you more.

Without a CAO you don't have to abide by anything!
Just say no, Child has stated XYZ.

🤯🤯🤯

Stop telling him what you are doing. Don't send your son and let your ex take you to court.

Much more importantly, you need to sort out the sickness rules for his migraine. Have a meeting with the school, ask what evidence they would require for that rule to be relaxed for him then get the GP/specialist to write a letter.

Has he also got anti sickness medication for his attacks? Nausea is one of my earliest symptoms of a migraine and if I can get that under control, attacks often stop in their tracks with no need for triptans or time off. A GP can prescribe things like Buccastem or travel sickness pills - you can buy them OTC as well but u school may want a prescription.