I was probably BU but how much? Parking

[AITAH10]

Dad recently diagnosed with bladder cancer and had a lot of hospital appointments and there's not enough parking and a lot of people are rude.

I go into the car park 0 spaces available. The ward my dad needed is close to the opening and he needs a wheelchair to get around.

I see somebody putting a wheelchair in the boot and ask if they're leaving and they say yes. So I think OK I'll wait.i then look and there's a youngish woman going the wrong way around the car park coming into an area which is not on the one way system and once you drive past it youre not allowed back to that part of the car park blocking people.

As I say there's been a log of appointments recently not just with my dad but other family members and I've had disabled spaces stolen a fee times and yes I was inwardly annoyed when it happened.

I thought I would just do it myself this time. So yes IW probably BU but I try to signal my dad is in a wheelchair and his wards right there.

She gets out the car visibly annoyed and starts shouting how I'm out of order I knew I she was waiting she's just dropped off her 83 year old father who's in a wheelchair with a broken spine.

I should add the car park has an alternative entrance for blue badge users to get access to the disabled bays but it's the other side of the car park. She keeps saying she and her dad have a blue badge and seemingly with her pointing in thar direction that seems where she supposedly dropped him off.

I was talking calm and yes was feeling a bit guilty because as I say it's happened to me before and I was annoyed and also people were tooting their horn so the most i said was well you're causing the queue as you're in the way and I can't get anywhere.

She gets in her car moves a bit and there was a space literally next to her like the other side of the road type of situation that close. So I park in there and I'm actually parked and got the wheelchair out before she has parked.

And hear her shouting to others how I'm a fucking arsehole etc. So I say to her that there was a space right there ( which was part of the car park one way system they had access to unlike the space they wanted.) And that I was nothing but polite to her and didn't swear or raise my voice and I didn't appreciate being called an arsehole and she went on a little rant about the car parking space and I shouldn't act like one next time then etc.

But then a younger man came walking toward her telling her he was telling her there was a space near the blue badge section and also the one I parked in and she said she didn't see him and that she was shaking. I saw no sign of an old man in a wheelchair.

Hospitals are very stressful places- she was probably just stressed, you were both unreasonable but both stressed so x

Do you/your dad have a blue badge though OP?

Sorry about your father’s diagnosis. I found the op difficult to follow but do you mean you used a disabled parking space without having a blue badge?

Yes but we didn't go into the blue badge area and seemingly going by her story she dropped her DF off who was in a wheelchair with a blue badge in that area which means she never would have had access to the bit of the car park she wanted to park in

I mean you openly admit you took someone
else’s parking space, so what do you want from this thread? Just because she shouted and called you names and you stayed calm, it doesn’t make you the better person.

Well I didn't and she was also blocking people off to get into a parking space in a section of the car park she should never have had access to when there was a parking space next to her

And then there's the potential lying

I'm so confused. So why do you think you were BU?
You had a badge, you didn't pinch a space, you went the right way, you didnt shout at anyone...
Can you do a diagram or explain it again? Because I'm so lost

I don't follow

I can't follow what happened. So unable to give a view on who was more unreasonable than the other.

But at the end of the day, it's done. Over. History.

You were both in a stressful situation.

It doesn't matter who was more wrong than the other.

Put it behind you.

I hope times get easier for you and your family.

Because although if she was using the car park properly and how she said she would not have had legitimate access to the parking spot but she decided she would go through a no entrance part of the car park and blo k people off to get a parking spot that I was going to take

I'll try to do a diagram better explanation later

So she was there first waiting for the space? Regardless of what direction she came from, was the waiting first?

OK well if you saw the young woman 'going' the wrong way while you were close enough to speak to the person leaving, then you were there first surely?
So you took the spot.
End of story.
Am I missing something?
What's the rest of the post for?

Edit - wait. No you took another spot?
What????

Sorry to hear about your Dad, OP.

Sounds like this is playing on your mind a bit and you just want to let it out. Try not to worry too much, situations like this do happen in that environment.

Wishing your Father a full recovery x

No one is going to the hospital because they are having a good day. You were both worried about relatives with limited mobility. If you intentionally took a place you know she was heading for then that seem unfair, but we all do what we need to do sometimes, so whilst I don't really blame you for jumping in, I don't blame her for being upset with you.

So if you didn’t take her spot, why did you mention in your OP that you did what other people do. What did you do then?

Never mind a diagram, this one needs a video! No idea what happened here, OP is dreadful to try to follow…

If someone can recommend an android or IOS app that can do proper shapes then I'll do a better illustration but find attached my attempt.

A ( the blue colour is the normal entrance. Between the blue area and the pink there's a no entry sign so once you leave that area you can't return to it you have to go round the pink area.

B) the yellow area is the disabled parking again once you leave that area there's a no entry sign so you have to stay in the pink area

C) the exit

Red line ) her car she either came in entrance A or B she said she had a blue badge and her dad was in a wheelchair and over in the direction of B so I assume she went through the disabled entrance into the pink followed the line to the left and then up back round to the right and down saw someone leaving in the blue and blocked the other people gong down the pink line and breaking the no entry sign into the blue

Light blue) my car I went through the blue entrance instead of the yellow as it was closer to the ward I needed and that was more valuable to me than a disabled space. I turned the corner asked the women if they were leaving they said yes. I then saw the woman in the other car already giving me nasty looks.

So to be clear where I was probably being unreasonable was after seeing that she was waiting I was going to try and get the space as technically she was not allowed to enter the blue area.

To make clear the whole sequence.

1. I go through blue entrance turn corner

2. i see woman packing wheelchair into car ask if she's leaving she says yes and so I say OK and indicate I was waiting there for her to leave

3. I then look ahead and see red car woman looking at me giving me evils but again she no longer should have had access to the blue area.

4. I try and mime pointing to my dad and doing a wheelchair motion and pointing to the ward.

5. she's visibly annoyed and talking angrily. She then gets out the car with raised voice telling me how I'm out of order and she's been waiting and her dad's also in a wheelchair with a broken spine she's just dropped him off and that she also has a blue badge. I explain the no entry and then said by leaving her car in the way and being out of the car she's causing a queue anyway.

6. she gets into the car and although I feel I have more right to the parking space because i am in its designated area and hence that i felt it ok to " steal " her spot I drove forward to the pink area where there was a free parking space right next to where she was blocking off.

7. I go to the pink area and park in that bay before she's even parked and here her telling people whilst still in her car that I'm an arsehole.

8. after I get the wheelchair out she finally parks and so whe. She gets out I say that I was polite to her and never rude so I didn't appreciate being called an arsehole, where she was further rude.

9. metres away she meets a younger person who was telling her he was trying to tell her there was a space where I parked and also near the disabled bays, not in them although technically she couldn't re enter that area. I never saw her with an 80 odd year old man or anyone in a wheelchair so it feels like she lied about that

So I feel I was potentially unreasonable to consider taking the space but I'm not 100% convinced I was the unreasonable one because of the no entry, the potential lying, the rudeness, blocking people off and just that it was unnecessary because there was a parking space literally right next to her

Eh. Been there too. I once got really upset because someone bumped my (hire) car in a hospital parking lot where I was visiting my father, who had just had a heart attack and then caught covid in hospital, which led the hospital to say I couldn't even visit him... and yes, of course, having to deal with the hire car insurance dragged me into months of bureaucracy but... it did occur to me afterwards that the person who bumped my car could also have been in a very very stressful situation.
My take on this? try to remember that everyone around you may also be legitimately having a bad day, and so: forgive them and forgive yourself. There's plenty of genuine stress (your, her sick family members) without adding to it all. If something like this happens, try to forgive and forget quickly. Whether it's yourself or someone else you have to forgive. (And here endeth the sermon.)

Who was there first ?

that’s all that matters - the going the wrong way round the car park is a red herring .

i once nicked a space . I was called back to the hospital a had gone home for a shower and change of clothes . They wanted me back as Ds was upset and inconsolable .

These are high emotion places. .. let it pass

So you did take her space? Why did you deny it in your later post? And now you admit it again?

Doesn’t matter she came the wrong way. You knew she was there first. Just because she was loud and called you names, doesn’t justify what you did.

YABU - and I probably would have called you names too if I’m waiting for a space and you’re the CF who sees me and takes it anyway.

If she needed to make an 'illegal' move through the carpark to get to the space you were waiting for, it wasn't her space. The spaces are first come, first served for those using the carpark in the correct fashion, which she wasn't doing.

It really doesn't matter that she wanted the space, you were closer to it, if she'd used the carpark correctly, you'd have been in it before she could get to it. It isn't who SEES a space first, it is who can legitimately get there. Otherwise we'd all just be driving over kerbs and knocking over cones and sending Grandmas flying in order to get to a spot we'd seen!

I also don't understand the drama if she's already dropped someone off, that implies they're able to make their way into the hospital, giving the driver time to park. You don't drop someone off if they can't do this, what would be the point!

YANBU.

You didn't pull in forward as she was setting herself up to reverse, or floor it the wrong way round the car-park to get to it before her. You did not 'steal' the spot in fact, it was never hers in the first place.

But according to OP, the other car was already there and waiting. She may have come round the wrong way, but she was there and waiting for the person to leave when OP arrived.

OP specifically says:

“I've had disabled spaces stolen a fee times and yes I was inwardly annoyed when it happened. I thought I would just do it myself this time. So yes IW probably”

So she knew the other car was there and waiting, but made a conscious decision to take the spot.