To ask whether you're truly as nice as you should be to everyone at work?

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I'm so stunned always by how cut throat and nasty people are where I work. There's some lovely people there but the managers, on the whole are pretty shitty people. The work I do is important enough to me and I've been there long enough that I don't want to leave but I do look at some of the new starters and feel for them. You know when you see a young girl and know that a certain woman is going to treat them like shit? Usually in a subtle way nobody can call bullying etc. I have always wanted to ask these people whether they get home after a day of moaning, giving shitty feedback, giving out unreasonable workloads that they couldn't and wouldn't do themselves if they self reflect and realise how miserable they make some of their colleagues lives. But I can't because HR would be at my door lol. So I'm asking on here, are you nice at work? Like do you actually look after people? If not why not? I think lots of people think they're alright but if they thought about it they might might the reason someone drives home in silence and turns the radio off just to unwind from a crap day. Total honesty wanted!

PS if you are a mean manager and you know it, do you ever feel bad?

Isn't there a saying? Be nice to those on the way up because they'll be the ones you meet on the way down 🤔

There are certain "managers" I wouldn't give the time of day as I (someone younger than them) climb the ladder overtake them. Not in an arrogant way, just more I take note of the egos, the ones who don't even acknowledge those they deem "below" them.

Yes, I am.
At work, or not at work.
I was brought up by parents who set a great example of treating people as they would like to be treated themselves.

I carry that on, as do my (adult) children.

I bet you have a much better retention rate for staff than a lot of places! And less sickness. I'm convinced lots of people go sick from work way more to escape it than they do for genuine sickness which is sad. It's certainly true in my place.

Why aren't you going to HR about these people instead of enabling them? Are there not leaving interviews or 360 degree appraisals?

I’m nice to everyone unless they give me a reason not to be.

The managers are all like that and in general it’s an exceptionally nice place to work and has high levels of employee satisfaction even with some tricky changes.

I’ve had a shocker of the last three weeks - two sick kids and it’s been so disruptive. I’ve barely been at work (I was also sick).

No one has made any snide comments, made it difficult, done anything other than offer support.

If I saw someone being unpleasant I’d bring it up with HR myself.

Trust me loads have done, but when it's things that are really subtle it's not easy at all.

This is so good! Especially with the sickness side of things. Makes me realise how rubbish my place is. For example a bloke who's been widowed and has a non verbal autistic son has had his flexi working pattern revoked - technically because he can't fulfil his role anymore with the flexi pattern in place but it makes life so hard for him and these are changes he never could've anticipated. So the choice is find another department to move to where you can have your flexi pattern and care for your son on your own or give it up and what happens to your kid at home? Our managers don't care about people's personal struggles at all but when that was raised with HR they have just seen that he has an option to transfer elsewhere and that's enough to satisfy them that the practice against him has been acceptable. It isn't, I can't imagine piling on top like that and I get work isn't a charity but if you have a loyal staff member who has hardship in their personal life suddenly surely you can cut them some slack even if work suffers for a bit? Needless to say he's had a lot of time off sick. The answer to that is to 'support' the poor sod with an attendance plan.

There should be but the nature of our work lends itself to criticism from the public and it makes it really easy to bully someone using complaints etc & just appear to be doing your job. HR don't get it.

I would find a new job.

My boys both have additional needs (ASD) and sometimes it’s impossible to get the balance right but the support they give me to meet my home obligations means I go the extra mile all the time.

Today was my first meeting with my manager after all the absence and I told him I was unlikely to be in tomorrow too.

He said that was fine and also told me he’d agreed a pay increase for me in recognition of my hard work this year.

Who’s more likely to go the extra mile? A person made to feel like an inconvenience or someone who feels valued

This is lovely. Reading stuff like this does make me realise how abnormal my toxic work culture is. The work we do is so important too, but the supervisors are a certain breed unfortunately.

So glad your manager has it right.

I try to get it right. I know I overload people with work as there is no choice. There aren't enough people for the amount of work coming in. I try to keep it as fair as I can though, while being aware of everyone's strengths and ability to cope. Do I always get it right, almost certainly not. I am sure there have been times I've pissed people off because I am only human. It's a really tricky juggling act trying to be fair to everyone.

The thing is, those people who are mean, shitty, borderline bullies etc., never think it's them. They truly believe that the person deserves it, their behaviour is justified, and that they ARE a nice person.