I'm not sure what to do and would value unbiased feedback.
For context, ExDH and I split when DC was one year old. I lived in Zone 4 London and he moved back with his parents who live 90 minutes away, in Zone 4 in another direction. I bought ExDh out of the former marital home (with help from my family) and work excessive hours to afford the mortgage on my own. I am from a nearby country with no family/ friends in London. My mum flies over to help often as I cannot return home.
I have DC 4 nights, 60% of the week including most of the weekend. I do all health appointments regularly missing work. DC is in the process of being diagnosed with developmental delay so we have lots of appointments to get to.
ExDH has DC 3 nights a week (Sunday afternoon to Wednesday afternoon). He could afford to enroll her in nursery last August as he had received a high lump sum payment, had savings and was not paying a mortgage or bills living with his parents. ExDH has a very active social life and has every Friday / Saturday / Sunday morning for leisure. He has delegated all most parenting tasks to his parents during weekdays (does not get DC breakfast, does not do nursery drop off or pick up). A Section 7 report was written recently and it noted concerns about his parenting abilities.
ExDH has point blank refused to see DC on Saturday's to give me some time to rest. I work longer hours than him Monday to Friday and have DD for most of the weekend.
I applied for 15 hours funded hours in March as both DM and I were feeling burned out. DM was providing childcare for DC 2,5 days a week, to enable me to work so that I could keep the former marital home and she could visit to support us. It is only possible for DC to attend if we have the funding due to high mortgage payments/ bills. ExDH does not pay CM as his family care for DC three nights a week.
ExDH did not apply by the end of March deadline. When he found out I had enrolled DC in a local nursery he was incensed. He applied for the funding for himself but HMRC decided that I should retain it. He feels I should split it.
Am I being unreasonable to keep the funding for myself? DM and I are already stretched very thin (whilst he has ample savings, family support, lots of leisure time at weekends and refuses to see DC for an occasional Saturday to give us a brief rest?).