To be terrified of the new neighbours

[Bringautumnnights]

We've had dreadful luck with the past 2 sets of neighbours.

First set were fine until mom/dad's relationship broke down and the both left their 5 kids (11-17) alone in the house, who promptly destroyed it, and had such large parties every night and so much anti social behaviour. These eventually got evicted as the tenants (parents) left.

Second set were even worse - the house and garden were a state (rats etc), constant loud music, parties, swearing, drinking, drugs, spitting on the front and back garden. These recently left due to owning some nasty men £50k+.

These neighbours made me so poorly, to the point despite moving out 6 months ago I have panic attacks if I see them in town. The peak noise occurred whilst my newborn was in and out of hospital, and when I have these panic attacks I panic and have flashbacks of my baby being rushed to hospital in ambulances etc.

I saw the housing maintenance outside this morning doing final touches before the next neighbours move in. I'm so terrified what the next set of neighbours will be like, what if they're as bad? I'm getting panic attacks back.

I had to move to my parents during peak summer last year as my anxiety at home was awful, I'm still twitchy at home now. I don't think I can cope with awful neighbours again.

I'm currently pregnant so stuck here for a few years, but planning to move to a nicer area when weve saved enough (so dont want to complain about neighbours and cause a dispute). I know rationally what's the chances of 3 sets of bad neighbours - but we've had 2 sets, so I keep thinking the 3rd will be as bad.

Cbt hasn't really helped, and I can't take anxiety meds atm. How do I cope with this? Please reassure me if I'm being unreasonable!!

I can't vote because on the app but you are definitely not being unreasonable and I feel really sorry for you

No, not many times. I posted once asking about advice of how to sell a house with a dispute, thankfully we don't need to anymore.

Partner is so laid back they don't see the point in worrying, we can't control it, so why worry.

Oh I'm envious of his ability to not care 😅

you moved out because of it
and he’s still laid back about it

I think the neighbours moved, not the OP.

I'm sorry you're feeling so worried, I've had bad neighbours and know how horrible and stressful it is.
I tried to tell myself that I can only control the way I react to the situation, so tried to do things to help me feel calmer - deep breathing, noise cancelling headphones, a white noise machine and ear plugs for sleeping.
I think ultimately if they are bad the only thing you can do is to move house, so I'd focus on saving up and having that goal in your mind - remind yourself that it's not forever that you will have to deal with it.

I think it would be bad luck to have three awful sets, so hopefully things will be much better, got my fingers crossed for you.

I thought you were going to say they were Labour Party supporters.

Prob were..😂

Dunno, all the families round here who are like that vote tory and voted for brexit because they are thick

Hopefully the next family will be OK op, it would be really bad luck to get 3 in a row

Nope

If there's nothing you can do therapy-wise, because it does sound like you could benefit from it, I would go all in the other way and face it full on. Plan something nice to welcome them to the neighbourhood, bottle of wine, box of chocolates, something for the kids, something like that. Reframe it as a positive thing where you're determined to start off on a happy note with them. It will be better than hiding behind your curtains panicking, and at least you know what to expect as early as possible.

You are not being unreasonable we have had terrible terrible neighbours. We have a shared yard which made it even worse. One would let her dogs shit everywhere when asked would deny it, no one else had a dog! She moved her daughter moved in who also had dogs n collected dog shit in a bucket! Absolutely rank. We've had neighbours who used the yard as ab extension of their rubbish bin.
All were renters, we owned so were unable to move.

I think you just have to keep your fingers crossed it will be third time lucky and you get a decent set this time.

Cbt hasn't really helped, and I can't take anxiety meds atm. How do I cope with this? Please reassure me if I'm being unreasonable!!

Just console yourself that your screaming newborn is going to disturb them more than they will probably disturb you.

If it helps, our horrible neighbours (eventually) moved. Then we heard that horrible male neighbour's brother and his family were moving in!! We were distraught, but what we didn't know was that the two brothers are estranged because of the horrible one and his partner's general dreadfulness, and that this side of the family seem perfectly normal and nice. No shouted abuse, no engines revving at midnight, and - a small but precious thing- this year I hope we'll get to eat the apples from the communal trees, which previously had been pulled off and stamped on every summer by the horrible kids.

Would there be any point in contacting the landlord by email and explaining all this and you can’t have more anti social neighbours. Make it clear you have had 2 awful neighbours listing their offences in great detail (bulleted list) and saying your patience and that of your neighbours is gone. Make it clear they will get constant complaints from you if their tenant is again awful. They may be able to allay your fears quickly. You have nothing to lose by drawing their attention to how awful all this has been to you and you are not getting your legal right to peaceful enjoyment of your own home.

If its a council house you most certainly can contact them and insist that they vet the next tenants properly. You can also contact your local councillor who will raise these issues on your behalf.

Also, you most certainly can contact the landlord or the agent and insist on same.

Every single time you experience anti social behaviours report it to the police and the landlord. Lobby your councillor and mp (who cam write to the housing minister) non stop

Can I? I didn't know that. I may give them a call today (they're council). Thank you.

I'm not keen on reporting since I want to move and not have a dispute. Maybe I could anonymously, but I'm just truly hoping that they're normal noise levels and nice people. Not scumbags like the last few sets. Which sounds awful, but they were the worst people.

I tried that with the last neighbours- they didn't realise we had a baby for 9 months as their music was always so loud.

Not sure If I've missed something but not sure what politics has to do with it aha

I can't imagine they were voters to be honest, didn't seem like people who cared