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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being fed up with helicopter parents..

13 replies

Maria1979 · 02/07/2024 06:35

Before anyone gets mad, I am probably a helicopter parent as well but I stop myself before intervening except when there is a danger, someone risks getting hurt or bullying etc. But how many mums don't I know who gets into details in their children's lives and then want to deal with it instead of giving their DC tools to manage by itself. My youngest and his friends are 11 and we are very close and he tells me everything. Sometimes he complains about a friends behaviour and I listen and try to make him see both point of views and give him advice and it ends there. Some of his friends mums call me all the time to tell me that my DC or some other child in the group has done this or said that. Like..ok? Is your DC sad/upset? No? So this is just gossip? Like who has the time/interest for this. I don't say "get a life" but I do say that I think they can sort it out on their own (again if it's not bullying or sth serious). But when I for once call someone to say that my DC is really sad because they are all teasing him for sth and he has tried to tell them to stop and it doesnt work 2 out of 3 mums come up with excuses like "maybe because your child said a swear word last week" or other which has nothing to do with the issue. It is so weird because they are so judgmental when someone else has done/said something inappropriate but when it comes to their own offspring there is always a good reason for them misbehaving. I'm quite tired of this and want to take a step back from all "friendly" interactions with those mums. AIBU?

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 02/07/2024 06:37

Are they on group chats?

Haveyouanyjam · 02/07/2024 09:22

I can understand that if you have repeatedly told them none of you need to get involved, and are now getting involved because your DC is the one who is sad, they may be a bit defensive as may well have felt they were previously doing the same.

I think you either accept the way they are and roll with it or stay firmer on the line that you don’t get involved in their friendship dramas unless there is a serious issue, no matter what.

Peonies12 · 02/07/2024 09:28

YANBU. My parents had next to no involvement when I was that age, kids needs to learn independence and deal with their own issues. Unless it’s more severe bullying etc

Maria1979 · 02/07/2024 12:04

Perfect28 · 02/07/2024 06:37

Are they on group chats?

No. That would have been great, I would just have muted it. 😄

OP posts:
Nosygirl01 · 05/07/2024 00:25

Next time one rings to complain about your son say not today satan and hand up 😂

Jeschara · 05/07/2024 00:28

Nosygirl01 · 05/07/2024 00:25

Next time one rings to complain about your son say not today satan and hand up 😂

Edited

Really mature reaction there.

Jeschara · 05/07/2024 00:29

Sorry Noseygirl that was not to you.

Nosygirl01 · 05/07/2024 00:30

Jeschara · 05/07/2024 00:28

Really mature reaction there.

Why should one parent have to listen to someone complain about her child but when she has a genuine complaint it gets brushed off? It’s not fair on her or her child. So I stand by my reaction, thank you

Jeschara · 05/07/2024 00:31

Read my apology noseygirl, I was o the wrong thread.

Nosygirl01 · 05/07/2024 00:33

Jeschara · 05/07/2024 00:31

Read my apology noseygirl, I was o the wrong thread.

I did but couldn’t delete. My bad

Jeschara · 05/07/2024 00:34

I am a Gran and I pick up my Grandson, I don't get involved and people can talk to themselves if they start that shit with me.
Once people find they are talking to themselves they soon stop.

Melisha · 05/07/2024 01:57

Just do not get directly involved unless there is bullying or something seriously worrying.

Vonesk · 05/07/2024 02:08

You are being extremely grown up. I can vividly remember Clearly my own fathers policy regarding this. : Never get involved in kids squabbles. ( As Adults 'fallout' over it then ten minutes later the kids are friends again) He wanted to prove a point one day and asked me to pick argument with one kid in particular who's parent was ambushing him over some trivial squabbling....You are totally right.

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