To feel it's all too much and potentially have a mental breakdown?

[Vinividivici]

Here is a list of things that have happened to me / my family in the past 1.5 years, in chronological order.

I feel that I am reaching breaking point and don't know what to do.

• developed a rare illness which involved lots of follow-up appointments and fear, which fortunately now may be resolved
• had an ectopic pregnancy which involved similar
• tiny daughter had an emotional breakdown due to my ex (her father) involving her in our child arrangements dispute (ongoing)
• moved house a few times
• had a few extremely stressful / life-ruining work projects and deadlines
• new manager who is really uninterested in actually managing
• have lived through an ongoing renovation for a year
• death of a close family member
• my tiny daughter was assaulted by her father. There was a social services and police investigation that went nowhere due to her age and my ex blaming me (which improbably seems to have taken the heat off of him?)
• my ex is now harassing me and demanding more time with our daughter. It's an ongoing situation
• daughter is constantly anxious, clingy, unhappy
• every weekend is taken up by admin and caring duties. We can't just have fun as a family
• I can't take holiday for the next few months due to a strange work situation / staffing issue

Is this just life? What can I do to cope? What would you do?

YABU: everyone's life is this hard
YANBU: and here is my advice for you

Yes that's an unusually hard run

So cut yourself some slack and be proud of what you are doing and how well you are coping

Keep hugging that child

Find ways to record evidence against your ex - only communicate via email helps for example , ring doorbell ?

Oh no, that is a big run of really difficult stuff. It's not 'normal'.

Can you visit your GP and ask to be signed off for a while?

@Sapphire387 I think this would kill my career, unfortunately. But thanks for the reassurance 😊

I keep hoping that things will get better.

@midgetastic Thank you! I am hugging her as much as she needs.

A lot of people have it hard, but that doesn't invalidate what you're going through. You're dealing with a lot and it's completely reasonable to be struggling with all of that. I don't have any real advice, mostly I try to focus on the day or the hour or the moment, depending on how bad things are. All I have to do is make it through this day/hour/moment, keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep moving. I have found it useful to focus on the fact that my kids have no one else and they'll fall through the cracks without me. You can survive a lot, and I think motivation helps. I'd do things for my kids Id never do for myself.

I got very sick in my teens, met my now XH who turned out to be abusive, emotional and verbally not physically though a few scary physical outbursts. 20 year marriage.and 3 Autistic DC later before I found a way out. My eldest saw enough of her father's behaviour during our marriage and since our divorce to have fear/anxiety and struggle around him. Im in constantly horrible, untreatable pain living a life bound by a lot of limitations related to my illness and my DC needs. My brain doesn't work properly anymore, which is fun. I am on antidepressants which help, mostly when I feel I can't go on or feeling despair I focus on my kids and just surviving moment to moment. I try not to look at the big problems, and focus on what's most needed right now, the next little step, one foot in front of another. When I first got sick I couldn't imagine surviving the pain, each time I get worse I feel the same, but over time I adjust and it becomes part of the background and not so hard. Sometimes the most important bit is juat hanging on through those moments.

Yanbu this sounds bloody awful. Can you move far away from your ex and make it too hard to organise contact time? If tiny dd is not yet in school. And if you are primary carer.

Just so sorry for what you are going through.

@ThirdSpaceFan1 moving is not an option. My ex wants to be part of her life and courts love this even when the dad is an abuser.

@pikkumyy77 thank you x

That’s tough. Some of the experiences on your list are behind you now so maybe try to reframe them as ‘stuff I dealt with even though it was hard’?

Is there anything you can do to ease your current overload? Help you can access for your DD, easy but healthy food, regular fun and exercise? It’s so important to not feel guilty for prioritising your own wellbeing. You cannot run the operation without taking care of yourself.

Even if you can’t take time off work do consider a chat with your GP to look at your options.

You sound amazing. That’s a lot to have dealt with.

Gosh, this is so similar to me it’s spooky! I’ve also lost my job and have no place of my own. The abusive ex is the same with my DC and also health issues!

So solidarity. A lot of days I can’t get out bed after doing the basics. You are doing well. A kind GP is always worth talking with too I’ve found

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness just realised I failed to respond to your message.

That's all really helpful. What you are describing in terms of coping is what I have already been doing. I am continually surprised at what I find I can cope with.

I'm so sorry about your pain and health issues - and I admire your strength!

@MoreThanThis78 Oof! You are doing well to keep one foot in front of the other. Hang in there x

@MatildaTheCat

Thank you for your kind words. I think that I have let self care slip and this is having a real impact on my ability to remain resilient. Prioritising it is a good idea.