To think this is unprofessional?

[Chrissywakeupp]

I have a catch up with my manager on Teams. We’re talking when suddenly (from his side) there’s a blast of music.

He apologised and said “my wife is on TikTok sat on the sofa next to me”. He wasn’t on camera for reference.

This just made me feel really uncomfortable that there was someone else in the room, listening to our conversation. Aibu to think it’s unprofessional?

It's a catch up. The type of conversation that if you were in the office you probably wouldn't even bother having away from your desk - one person would just come and stand next to you while you quickly ran through some things. Everyone in the office would hear and it wouldn't matter. The relationship of the overhearer is a red herring because ultimately it doesn't matter if they were overheard.

I wouldn’t mind at all if his wife was sitting next to him or able to listen in.

Doubt she’s going to do anything with whatever she overhears? Or if she’d even be interested?

Just doesn’t bother me.

Purposefully bringing her her to a meeting would be weird, because she’s not employed at the company, but that’s not what’s happening here. She’s just able to overhear the conversation.

I'm surprised people are so bothered about this - but then I much prefer a more relaxed environment for work.

@Epicaricacy it depends on the work environment- I did retail for years and people's partners often came into see them. If my bosses wife had overheard a chat about my progress I really wouldn't have cared 🤷‍♀️

Depends on the work environment and depends on the nature of the call. I WFH a lot - tend to have my office door open to keep an ear on the kids (they're of the age they can just rattle around doing their own thing when they're back from school) but have a system where if I shut my office door I'm on a call and don't disturb, and if it's something confidential I'll put a headset on as well. Most colleagues I work with have a similar system going.

Catch ups with my boss are generally very laid back things with my team though and kids have interrupted before on both ends - but that's the kind of relationship I have with my manager.

My workplace have essentially forced us to work from home by closing offices and retaining approx 30% of the available office space. They have done this without consideration of people's available work space at home.
I must admit for a 1-1 I would try and take myself away from the household and would wear a headset but equally I'm not going to stop my family from living freely in their home because I have to work there. He may be in a similar situation.

When I take phone calls with my headphones on people can still hear things around me in the room so I wouldn’t automatically assume she was listening. A member of staff thought he could hear the rain at my end but it was my fish tank filter bubbling which was across the room from me and not particularly loud and he could still hear it. Another one could hear my husband talking on a phone call. He was at one end of the conservatory and I was in the living room with the door shut and he could still be heard (long room me at one end him in the conservatory at the other with a single glazed door between).

Meanwhile, I'd be very unimpressed by someone being sat on the sofa for what I'd deem an important meeting and would find that unprofessional in itself.

Umm… Why?

I literally have no choice but to sit on my sofa when WFH. DH WFH 99% of the time and he has the desk in our dining room. I WFH a max of 1 day a week so I sit in the lounge.

I think it would depend on the conversation as to whether or not this bothered me. Something sensitive or confidential, I’d be unhappy with that. Just general work chat, wouldn’t be bothered.

DH works in our dining room and there is only an arch between him and the kitchen. I can hear his side of the conversations (headphones) but I really don’t care what he’s talking about. Not going into the kitchen or dining room when he is working would take out 2/3 of our downstairs living space.

YANBU however I have had 2 managers looking after their kids while their partners have gone out for the day (not working) who are young enough to need childcare and have had 121’s and important meetings interrupted because they’re crying, need their bums wiped, causing havoc in the background etc. If I say anything it becomes very clear very quickly that this is my problem. I don’t have very young children anymore but as I am the reliable one logging in on the dot, taking the allocated lunch break and showing up every single day I have consistently picked up the slack for these people. I enjoy my job, it pays pretty well and I love the flexibility of WFH so won’t rock the boat but I can’t say it doesn’t grate!

Isn’t one of their benefits, being your manager, that they have more discretion over how their working day is spent than you do?

Of course your criticism of them is your problem. Don’t you understand hierarchy?

So as a manager the message is “do as I say, not as I do”? Sorry but if everyone had to come into the office every day, would bringing their kids into the office also be acceptable then? What a ridiculous statement. Yes they’re in more meetings but no their kids should not impact on my 121!!

Well as a manager the message is definitely 'do as I say', yes. That's quite obvious to everyone.

My manager can expense drinks for staff and dinner for clients mostly as they wish - I am not able to do that. My manager quite often spends most of the day walking around the floor chatting - I am not able to do that. My manager takes a long lunch when they want - I am not able to do that.

Your 121 is at your manager's discretion. You should get a promotion if you want to act as you want.

You probably would because it would get picked up by his mic.

What’s made you uncomfortable, what were you discussing?

Given you don't know if he was wearing headphones you don't know if she was listening. I always wear headphones when I speak to people and sometimes I am in the same room as my OH. It's no different to being in an open plan office.

Yes I think it’s unprofessional. I also think a catch up off camera is not ideal. Was it a 1:1 or just a quick catch up call? If the former then I’d be really annoyed. People saying you’d have the convo in the office with people listening - possibly although you’d also have the option of a private room for more personal things. I don’t think people should have to ask if they are alone when they are working. gDPR would prevent a lot of things being openly discussed with family members present - we have to lock away notepads and laptops so family can’t access them. I’ve also been on the receiving end of boss’ who have had their children walk in on 1:1 online. Instead of sending them away they invite them in to say “hi” and then tell me our meeting has to be cut short because they want a snack. It’s not professional and gives wfh a bad name. My kids go to childcare when I am working!

They get a higher salary for a higher level of responsibility, not to take the absolute piss. I could aim for a promotion but I don’t want to manage other people. Regardless of my position, I should be able to expect my manager’s full attention during MY one to one. If you think otherwise then you are part of the problem.

You don't want to manage other people, except how your managers spend their day?

It’s definitely unprofessional op.

It wouldn’t bother me unless it was a sensitive or confidential conversation.

Was it an in depth personal catch-up involving highly confidential issues? If not and it’s just a casual catchup you’d have at a side of a desk I don’t see the issue and maybe you need to make peace with a more relaxed less old fashioned way of working? WFH with other halves also working from home from the same office/room is pretty normal these days - 2 of our team of 5 do the same some days a week, another occasionally. On my days off I’m always around the house when my husband is on and off meetings, it’s pretty normal post covid. Sometimes he works from the sofa too if I’ve taken over all the screens.
(If it was a proper meeting I’d be livid with my other half for making that sound during an important meeting but there’s their issue to argue about, not yours - I’d probably have laughed, especially in a one on one casual catch-up!)