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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I DEFY ANYONE to think IABU - Has DP finally lost his mind?

45 replies

Shitemum · 10/04/2008 09:27

This morning I discovered that since DD1 grew out of the child seat for DP's bycicle a few weeks ago he has taken her to school a few times on the back of his bike, i.e. perched on the luggage rack thingy. She is 4.6 yo. It's about 10 mins walking to school, faster on the bike obviously but it's a busy road, there is lots of traffic and many construction site vehicles and buses.

I went completely mad at him when I found out - he thinks it's fine and not dangerous. and of course I am the crazy, raving one and he is Mr. Calm and collected, his usual strategy for turning things around when he is the one being an idiot.

BTW we are in Spain so road rules are probably different, I don't know what they are but even if I did it wouldn't make him think he was wrong as he doesnt think rules apply to him. Arsehole.

OP posts:
isaidno · 10/04/2008 09:28

YANBU at all. I would be mad too!

motherhurdicure · 10/04/2008 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney · 10/04/2008 09:36

Hmmm, I bike with my kids all the time, through central London. I get a lot of flack for it (largely from black cab drivers ).

But I don't think I'd do what he's doing. The bike isn't made for it. It's hard for your DD to hold on.

At her age, I put DS1 on a half-bike on the back of my bike. He had pedals, and a seat, and handlebars. The same problem of 'what if he's not paying attention and falls off' exists, but he's never fallen off. He's fallen onto the crossbar of his bike, but never onto the road, and he's never been hurt.

I do see quite a few people giving their kids 'backsies' for short journeys, and I'm sure they're normally all fine, but still ...

Original poster
Shitemum · 10/04/2008 09:37

Of course it's not about rules, but I threatened to call the police if he did it again. They would just think I was crazy too, no doubt.
Will check out the chariot corsaire. She is heavy tho. About 20 kilos now...isn't there a weight limit for 'luggage' beyond which it becomes dangerous to ride the bike?

OP posts:
VeraSquonkTheBeerGuru · 10/04/2008 09:39

I opened the thread determined to find a way to tell you you ARE being unreasonable.

But I can't.

YAdefinitelyNBU

OverMyDeadBody · 10/04/2008 09:43

Ok, so apart from the falling off if he goes over a bump, is it really much more dangerous than a child being in a bike seat at the back? Also, from the perspective of being hit by another vehicle, being attached to the bike is pretty dangerous I feel, more so than being knocked from the bike, but then I've witnessed what happens to bikes being hit by cars and would not waht my DS attached to one if that happened.

I have to admit to riding with DS on the back rack in the past, he holds on, but I wouldn't do it on main roads or through busy traffic, only on cycle paths through parks and short distances on sleep quiet roads.

I would never do that on busy roads with busses and construction vehicles though, so YANBU in this instance.

NotQuiteCockney · 10/04/2008 09:46

Reasons why they might fall off the luggage rack, but not off a seat:

  • falling asleep
  • sneezing
  • daydreaming (why my DS1 has fallen onto his crossbar)
  • going over bumps
  • etc

If the child on the back is wearing a helmet, and you're not on roads, then probably it will be ok. But with traffic, it really doesn't seem safe.

BetteNoir · 10/04/2008 09:50

If my DH did this, I think I would park his bike up his own backside.

OverMyDeadBody · 10/04/2008 09:50

I agree NQC, but it also scares me to see children attached and strapped into bike seats, if there is an accident it would be awful!

How likely they are to fall off if not attached would probably depend on the age and maturity of the child and possibly the cycling abilities of whoever is cycling too.

NotQuiteCockney · 10/04/2008 09:51

Well, I've had a small accident with two kids strapped to the bike. Not a bruise on either of them. And yeah, my bike got damaged, the front wheel was trashed.

If they hadn't been strapped in, they absolutely would have been hurt.

NorthernLurker · 10/04/2008 09:55

If they're not strapped in then they are going to fall off and possibly be hurt very badly. I assume dd isn't wearing a helmet? YANBU - but sadly neither is your dh being unusual. I see this fairly often. Small child, bike moving fairly fast, no helmet on precious head, tarmac road, concrete kerb, trees, cars - what could possibly go wrong?

OverMyDeadBody · 10/04/2008 09:57

I guess it's just risky wither way really isn't it, if it's not a full-on collision with a fast car and the cyclist doesn't loose control of the bike they are less likely to be hurt if strapped in, but if the cyclist gets knocked off and the bike goes flying with kids strapped in it could be awful!

I'm not saying it's better not to strap them in either, I just worry too much aout these things. I guess cycling with kids always includes some risks, however we do it, and we just have to make the safst decision we can.

OverMyDeadBody · 10/04/2008 09:59

Seeing kids on bikes without helmets (unless for good reason) also makes me very NL.

edam · 10/04/2008 10:01

Can you ban him from taking dd to school at all? He's a grade 1 idiot, btw.

Twiglett · 10/04/2008 10:01

There is a bloke round here who takes 2 kids on his bike .. one sitting in front (I'm assuming charitably that she is perched upon a child seat and not the frame) and the other

... wait for it

... on his shoulders

he is a pratt .. as is your DH I'm afraid .. it's about safety

NotQuiteCockney · 10/04/2008 10:02

But if the kids aren't strapped in, they're likely to go flying, without the bike, and (imo) (even) more likely to get run over after the crash, iyswim.

I've had one or two more significant crashes pre-kids, and, even without kids on the bike, I got the bike up and out of the road before assessing my injuries (always minor).

NorthernLurker · 10/04/2008 10:02

Would you believe that my daughter had cycling training at school yesterday and the letter about it asked you to provid £2, a bike in good working order and suitable clothing for the weather but didn't mention a HELMET! I pointed out this omission in writing when I sent it back. Dd said there were children there doing the training without a helmet

NorthernLurker · 10/04/2008 10:03

on his shoulders!!!!!!!!!!!

Twiglett · 10/04/2008 10:03

actually there are differences of opinion regarding whether bike helmets are safer than none .. and actual research going both ways in support ... however we err on the helmet side

minouminou · 10/04/2008 10:03

I live in Oxford.....I hate these bike seats....hate them.
Been put under pressure to let DS go in one by cycling "enthusiasts".....just makes my stomach turn.
The idea of giving a 4-year-old a backie......i think i'd liberally smear the bike with Tabasco before parking it as Bette noir suggested.
Feel free to correct me re bike seats, those of you who use them, as i'm sure they're alright, but i just can't stand them.

Twiglett · 10/04/2008 10:04

ummm .. interesting post .. why do you hate bike seats?

NorthernLurker · 10/04/2008 10:06

I've heard that too Twiglett. My simplistic way of looking at it is head versu kerb or head versus kerb with something in between to absorb some of the force - errrr I'll go with the second one! There's two schools of thought on trailers versus seats as well. i've heard it said that trailers are safer than seats because they are more stable in the event of a crash. Which I'm sure they are - unless somebody drives over it 'cos they aren't paying attention! Like somebody said below - it's all a risk - you just have to make your own assessment.

motherhurdicure · 10/04/2008 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney · 10/04/2008 10:10

Sounds like minouminou doesn't like kids going on adult bikes at all, rather than just hating the seats.

Twiglett, I've heard that there are mixed opinions, but all the medical people I deal with (physios, dentists) are quite adamantly pro-helmet, so I do wear one, and my kids do, too.

OverMyDeadBody · 10/04/2008 10:10

That's a good point actually NQC, I too have always pulled my bike out of the road before assessing my injuries after two minor collisions while cycling. I just witnessed some horrific accidents, one where the bike went flying over two cars and was then crushed under an oncoming bus, but the cyclist had been thrown to the pavement.

I'd rather err on the side of helmets too, even if they only offer a certain amount of protection.