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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to move? And if so where…

9 replies

ConfusedCrossroads · 30/06/2024 21:27

My MIL lives nearby and I have found being near her to be quite difficult, there has been many a boundary crossed and trying to control and undermine etc etc. (particularly when it comes to LO) I’m at the point now where I get very negatively affected after visits. I am trying to reduce visits but lately PIL have been dropping by unannounced and let themselves in on a few occasions. I just feel things are going to get worse not better. DH has tried speaking up but it just gets ignored, basically MIL does what she likes and nobody can tell her otherwise. Also don’t want a big falling out or to cause a problem in the family, which is probably inevitable the way things are going.

Anyway, I’m starting to feel like we need to just get away while DC is young (not started school yet) and have a fresh start. DH is looking for a career change and a fresh start professionally too so I think the time is right to start exploring options.

I’m from overseas so I don’t have roots where we are. DH doesn’t have close friends particularly local either.

I would love to live by the sea, somewhere friendly with good schools, and a safe area to raise children, preferably not a million miles from London… any recommendations would be appreciated!

Also AIBU to feel like moving could be the best thing to get away from the miserable family situation? We love our house but my mental health is going to suffer if things stay the way they are now

OP posts:
Whothefuckdoesthat · 30/06/2024 21:34

Kent or East Sussex. Easy to get to London. Close to the sea. Beautiful countryside. Grammar schools in Kent. There are places I’d avoid in both counties but just as many lovely ones.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 30/06/2024 21:35

And change your bloody locks! Tell them you lost the keys and the new lock only came with two, but you must get them one cut… And then don’t do it.

Utterlyexhausted · 30/06/2024 21:42

I was you a few years ago... we moved back to my home country and now in laws want to visit every year for 3 weeks at least! It's torture!

I suggest putting your foot down now. Make it crystal clear that coming over unannounced isn't ok. She's probably not used to hearing "no" said to her like my mil..but honestly think long and hard about things before you up sticks.

ConfusedCrossroads · 30/06/2024 22:09

Whothefuckdoesthat · 30/06/2024 21:34

Kent or East Sussex. Easy to get to London. Close to the sea. Beautiful countryside. Grammar schools in Kent. There are places I’d avoid in both counties but just as many lovely ones.

Been looking at East Sussex but hasn’t considered Kent, will look into it thank you!

OP posts:
ConfusedCrossroads · 30/06/2024 22:10

Whothefuckdoesthat · 30/06/2024 21:35

And change your bloody locks! Tell them you lost the keys and the new lock only came with two, but you must get them one cut… And then don’t do it.

Yeah our emergency key is now being seriously misused - in fairness we need a replacement door soon so perfect timing to do this

OP posts:
ConfusedCrossroads · 30/06/2024 22:14

Utterlyexhausted · 30/06/2024 21:42

I was you a few years ago... we moved back to my home country and now in laws want to visit every year for 3 weeks at least! It's torture!

I suggest putting your foot down now. Make it crystal clear that coming over unannounced isn't ok. She's probably not used to hearing "no" said to her like my mil..but honestly think long and hard about things before you up sticks.

This is my worry. With moving away comes longer visits and even maybe overnight stays 😫 but I still think I’d rather that than currently not knowing when they’ll suddenly appear. Hope things improved for you a bit with the distance

OP posts:
Twoshoesnewshoes · 30/06/2024 22:21

Suffolk?

Utterlyexhausted · 01/07/2024 00:57

Thanks, OP. My MIL will
never change but in my 25 year marriage there has been improvement. She's 80 now (!!) and pushing hard to get a trip in..we've managed to stall her with my DH & DD coming to visit as it'll be so much easier & cheaper considering the cost of in law's insurance.

One point to consider would be that your MIL might have newfound respect for you if you firmly draw a line on her behaviour. Mine did when we lived there but needs gentle reminding from time to time.

LardoBurrows · 01/07/2024 01:13

West Sussex, Hampshire, Suffolk.

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