Brother affair with married woman

[carmenja]

My brother has been in a relationship with a married woman for 2 years. He reached a point where he had had enough and ended it, and she's now telling him she's left.

I don't believe her for various reasons that I can't go in to - but it smells fishy to me.

Nothing has really changed and she still only sees him once a week. I believe she is leading a double life. I don't have any evidence however.

I think he also doesn't believe her as he's being very cagey with details but is burying his head in the sand because he loves her.

He has suggested he would like me to meet her, AIBU to not really want to or should I be taking his/her word for it and supporting him in this? I always said I wouldn't meet her until he left her husband (not that I thought she ever would.)

I think he thinks I'm being unsupportive and I'm not sure really how to handle it. I really have no time for the woman but don't want to push my brother away as we are very close.

Supporting him with what? He's been fucking a married woman for two years. They're both as bad as each other.

I think I’d be honest with him, but I do have a relationship with my brother where we can say anything to each other.

Ask him why he is so convinced that she is telling the truth about having left her husband and whether she has suggested introducing him to any of her family. Tell him that you have serious misgivings about her honesty (if she can lie to her husband, how difficult would it be to lie to a bloke she only sees once a week?) and as much as you want to support him, you don’t want her to think that she has a green light from your family to be anything less than totally honest with him, simply because she thinks you’ve accepted what she’s told him. And if they’re still only seeing each other once a week, it doesn’t sound like a particularly serious or full on relationship. Is he sure he’s ready to bring her into the family? Wouldn’t he rather get to know her properly without her having to keep one eye on the clock or sneak around, first?

Also, ask him what he’s expecting to come from any meeting. Are you suddenly going to be expected to be friends? Go for coffee? Does he want you to tell him that she’s lovely and you wish him luck? Because she’s a lying arsehole and he’s going to need all the luck he can get. Will he be happy with a ‘she seems very polite and friendly’? Or will you be expected to pretend that she’s everything you ever wanted for him?

Why are you supporting someone who is with a married woman?! He and her are 💩

I'm not sure who is worse of the two, but I would have very little to do with a brother like that.

I believe she is leading a double life. I don't have any evidence however.

Well she's being doing this for 2 years.

If you're that close tell him this is the one you can't abide by and won't support and you don't want to hear it.

I did the same to my sister.

Sorry...

They're not really as bad as each other. He was single, she wasn't.

Well she's worse because he was at least single, but agree that it's fairly awful all round.

Support him? This is something you do not support.

Well your loyalty lies with your brother but you don't have to meet this woman if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Is he a bad person? No. He's getting the crumbs of a relationship and probably being strung along by someone who wants to have her cake and eat it.

He obviously likes her very much to hang around in this crappy situation for 2 years. I'm guessing he feels a bit isolated that they can't have mutual friends. It's difficult, you might not approve but I would support him where you can even if that's just to be an ear.

The best support you could give your brother is a massive dose of truth. He's a mug, wasting his life on a woman who cheats. If she'll cheat with him, she'll cheat on him.

Why are you placing all the blame on her? She's vile but your brother doesn't need support he knows she's married. He needs to respect that and stay away from her until he has real proof their marriage is over for good

Why does he want you to meet her? Is it to help him judge whether she’s lying or telling the truth? Or is this meeting for him to introduce his girlfriend to you?

i would tell him that;

1. if he can’t be certain about her authenticity right now, then that’s an awful basis for a relationship

2. whether she’s telling the truth or not right now, she’s been telling atrocious lies to her husband (and probably your brother) for two whole years. How does she sleep at night, that too, next to a husband whom she is cheating on.

3. what kind of person can lie so deeply, to their husband? Not one you want to want to be friends with. If she can treat her own husband that way, nobody else stands a chance. This is someone whose values don’t match yours and thus you can not be friends.

I think your loyalties lie with your brother you don't know this woman's husband so I don't think it's something worth loosing your brother over.

Be honest and explain you don't think she's telling the truth and he is only going to get hurt.

Why does he want you to meet her?

I'm not saying this is the best situation or morally right, but people's judgemental responses aren't exactly helpful to the OP

If they cheat with you, they cheat on you.

Support your brother and be prepared to pick up the pieces