to be totally jealous about my friend having so much family help?

[sweetkitty]

Just having a rant so feel free to ignore me completely, in my defence I am pregnant and writing this on a gym ball as a chair is too sore for my SPD.

Saw a friend yesterday who has 3DC. She was telling me her Mum offered to take her DC overnight so she and her hubby could have a meal and stay over in a hotel then told her not to come back for them until 6pm the next day and to enjoy herself. Today she is taking her oldest DD and her friends to the cinema and her MIL is looking after her youngest DC. She also works p/t and her MIL looks after her DC as well. Her parents and her MIL actually want to spend time with their grandchildren and help the family out. She says she honestly couldn't be without them.

[envy

I know mine do nothing and I have accepted it but every so often it really gets to me. My Mum and MIL have never changed a nappy. If they visit it's more hassle than it's worth they sit on the sofa and have endless tea and food made for them. My Mum even spilled sugar on my floor when I was 7 months pregnant and stood and watched whilst I cleaned it up. MIL is the same comes to visit once a month but would never think of helping out. I know it's their time and GPs aren't obligated to help out but my Mum wouldn't even take DD1 to the toilet when she was potty training when I was sitting BFing DD2.

I feel it's our DC that will suffer as DP and I never get a break and it affects our relationship. Also unless it's the weekend and DP can look after the other DC I will never get one on one time to do things like that with the older one. I had to have a homebirth with DD2 as there was noone to look after DD1. They know I am crippled with SPD right now yet they would never think of doing anything for us. Makes me so sad that my DC don't have a good relationship with there GPs.

There thats my self indulgent rant over sorry I know theres loads of people on my position as well.

nappiesgalore/lilymunster - I can't keep up with your name changes, due July 13 weeks and counting

riven - can't believe that I am a great believer in karma and what goes around comes around and maybe one day she will need you and you can tell her exactly why you won't be helping her out

trefusis - thats exactly what I am doing moved into this area about 3 years ago now and am gradually building up some friends and support, I'm just having a good old moan today I will get through this and be fine.

nappyaddict - I really don't want to sit in a car for over an hour (even without sore bum) with the DDs whinging to visit them to have to go and make tea, feel very unwelcome, run about after the DDs as their house is (understandably not childproof) oh and spend all the time fending their stupid dogs off slobbering and jumping up on the DDs.

i sympathise with all of you, especially riven. i live on the other end of the country from mum and dad so don't see them too often, but when I do, they're fantastic.

maybe when kids are older you could rope in friends to help. sometimes friends become family iykwim

sweetkitty - no offence but if you can't be bothered to go and see them then i don't see how you can be offended that they don't bother to come to you. if it is too stressful being in their house because of the dogs and because it isn't child friendly maybe suggest they meet you at a park, in town or for a meal or whatever cos the dcs miss her. if she still says no then at least you've tried.

sweetkitty - ikwym re dogs, my MIL has 2 King Charles spaniels who completely rule the roost. She puts them in the hallway when we first get there so they can "calm down" but when they are let out they are all revved up and excited and jumping up at my DS. Nearly karate chopped one in the neck on last visit! MIL makes no attempt to control them. Makes visits a pita.

nappyaddict - it's only recently I have decided that if they can't make the effort then I'm not going to, they are in their early 50's so not old and it's easier for them to come here than for us to go there IYSWIM. It's not like you can go for an hour it's a full day and we used to come back knackered with crabby children. I was fed up going down there and then maybe they were coming up once every 4 months. My Mum does not work btw (ever) I said to her once oh why don't you come and stay over and she said oh step dad would have to get his own dinner, I have tried I've just fed up and am not doing it anymore.

I know accept it and get on with it, in some ways I think it will make me a better Mum.

july is lovely month to have baby. i am a july baby . and ds2.

good for you in standing up more for yourself. Youre Worth It, baby!

sweetkitty, how amazing are you to be an involved, loving mum, with an example like that to follow?! just use this as a huge reason to give yourself massive credit for being able to do this, given the upbringing you must have had with this woman....good for you. And your DD's are lucky to have you.

YANBU to be envious of this friend - though the amount of help she has IS unusual!

Obviously you won't have the sort of GP's you'd like for your children, but that's out of your control. It's parents who are MOST important, anyway; GP's can be a lovely addition but they will never be as important as mum and dad

Just concentrate on giving your dd's the lovely family life they already have with you and forget anything else; I'd feel it's better for my ds not to see a GP much than be exposed to them often saying things like they 'can't be bothered' to go and see something with the child

HG - lovely post. agree with every word

HG - thank you you have made me cry now (I'll just blame it on the hormones)

LM - thanks DD1 is a July baby much nicer than January when DD2 was born, can't wait to meet my new little girl.

I do have depression, anxiety and low self esteem in part to do with my childhood although I don't want to blame it all on my parents.

Am having a great morning as well, DD1 has decided to eat dirty cat litter (we have a baby gate across the kitchen door but she broke into it and DD2 grassed her up) I thought she was past this phase she is 4 in April. Cat litter tray full of wee and poo why??????

Then I have realised that DD2 is able to turn on taps now, cue downstair loo is now flooded, kids eh?

yes it's the hormones

Seriously though; IMO there are not many people more admirable than those who can be loving parents when they have a miserable example to follow. Some people can't break the cycle and that's just so sad for the kids.