To not make further plans with my friend

[pussinboots61]

I have a friend who I've known for about twenty five years now and we've always been close.

However, she is now always cancelling or changing plans at the last minute and it's starting to annoy me. I don't want to fall out with her but I don't want this pattern to continue either. The thing is she doesn't seem to do this with her other friends.

For example last week on Saturday morning she texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to her house on Sunday. I replied to say I would. Then the very same day, only a couple of hours later she cancelled it to say that she needed to finish to sorting out her kitchen. She doesn't work like I do so she can do her kitchen any time.

When we do meet up she makes it clear that she doesn't like going into the city centre, yet this morning I got a text from her to tell me that yesterday she went into town with another friend and they had a good day.

Do I confont her with this or just leave it be and be friends with her but wait for her to make the move regarding making plans to meet?

I'd confront her as she'll just continue to walk all over you otherwise.
You're not a priority to her, and she makes plans with you hoping that you'll cancel.
I'm really sorry, OP

She is not really a friend any more is she?
I could not be arsed with someone like this. There are better people out there. Good luck!

Thank you for your replies.

I have tried being patient with her. She lost her husband two years ago and I have made allowances and been as supportive as I can be but now I feel she's taking me for a ride. If this was behaviour due to her grief she would surely be like this with other friends too?

I have a friend who became incredibly flakey and kept cancelling. I decided I couldn’t be bothered any more and no longer arrange meet ups. It’s sad and I miss the friendship we used to have but at least I don’t have the upset of being ditched last minute any more.

She is not a friend, she is rude.
I wouldn't fall out, I wouldn't say anything, I would just wouldn't contact her and I would be very busy if she suggests meeting.
If she asks I would just say you have cancelled a couple of times so I am just leaving you to it, as I am busy too.
No drama, just ambivalent.
Not worth falling out about, just leave her to it.

Thanks for this, it makes me feel more positive about the situation. I feel so annoyed, hurt and upset that I have been tempted to have it out with her and let her see that I'm not standing for it anymore but I now feel that if I just leave her to it she will see where she is going wrong.

Like for instance when she cancelled me going to her house last Sunday I didn't reply to her text until next day, mainly because I was pondering over what to reply, but she sent me a couple of chatty texts the morning and I got a missed call so I think she was wondering if she'd gone too far and I'd fallen out with her which wasn't the case.

She has taken you for granted and is very rude.
I strongly believe that is NOT my job to be pointing shit out to people.
If you behave badly towards me, I simply will be unavailable.
You are too available and too forgiving.
We teach people how to treat us.
Be unavailable.
Focus on other friends.
Invest in those that treat you well.
I don't think having it out with people who are supposed to be your friend, but treat you badly solves anything. Goid friends cherish those they love. They don't treat them poorly.

Next time she arranges I'd say yes if it's definitely going ahead I can't keep setting tone aside if you're going to cancel or something like that.

I'm all for being flexible, but it's pretty odd to get someone to commit to a last minute thing the next day and then cancel on them to 'sort their kitchen out', because that's not really a very good reason not to see a friend! She could have even said- I need to clean a bit, do you fancy coming over and having a cuppa whilst I whizz about a bit!

I would just leave it now, I don't mind someone cancelling if it was in the diary for ages and then they were sick or something, but you aren't on call and being cancelled for a kitchen clean is pretty rude.

Definitely don’t make plans with her.

Even if you wait for her to make plan, she will make them and then just cancel on you.

I would just tell her flakiness is really upsetting you and it’s best to have a break from the friendship for a few months. And then never contact her again.

Definitely don’t be her chat buddy, she seems to use you for chit chat.