Would you risk your child's safety for their academic career?

[ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat]

In my last year before exams I had a highly respectable, very successful maths tutor(also a uni professor). He was hand picked by my mum based on his reputation, success and the fact that most of his clients were children of doctors,lawyers etc.

Long story short, he sexually assaulted me. Never mind learning and achieving, it just fucked me up that little bit more. I told mum and her reaction was deplorable and basically made a joke of it all. I had to ring him pretending to be her and telling him I quit and find another teacher myself. Mum's excuse was that he was the best, she wanted the best for me bla bla fucking bla.

I carried anger and resentment for years after this but was starting to settle and even understood her reasoning to a point, until she let it slip that she fucking knew! She knew there were rumours about him being a predator, someone personally warned her not to send me there and she still fucking did. Her reasoning was that she didn't think he'd do anything to me because I wasn't his type (I was fat, and how the fuck would she know her type anyway?) so I'd be safe coupled with the same he was the best and I needed help and it was all for my education and my future career.

The irony is I'm a complete failure anyway.

So how far would you go/ How much would you ignore/risk for your child to get "the best" education. Is that ever a valid excuse?

You are not a failure.

Your mother on the other hand is deplorable.

Absolutely no way I would have put my children at risk in that way.

I actually think I'm ok. Not successful but a little bit of everything and while annoying and frustrating at times, most of the time I'm ... content with my life. But that wasn't supposed to be the outcome so it's just not good enough. I get it in a way... what was the point of going through all that (and more) to just end up how I did?

There's something very wrong with your mum. It's a diagnosable level of not understanding and responding to risk. I suspect that this is simply the most visible of many damaging parenting decisions she made. Was she on her own - where was your dad in this, absent?

You've done very well to deal with parenting like that. You know it's her.

Dad wasn't absent. In some ways he was more involved in my schooling that she was (helped with homework, attended every parent teacher meeting etc.) , but he deferred to her when it came to tutors for example as she was the one with "connections ".