To use solicitors to communicate with my abusive ex?

[OrangeCrushes]

My ex is a coercive controller who has made my life hell for years.

He was recently in trouble for physically abusing my daughter, but he convinced all the investigators that the real problem is that he and I have a bad relationship. (My daughter consistently reported to everyone the extremely violent and dangerous things he did).

I have been told that I have to encourage their relationship and facilitate contact. We are easing back into her seeing him. All communications are supposed to go through my very expensive solicitors.

He has begun sending me outside communications to pressure for his way about various things at the weekend, when they are not working.

My mother says that I am wasting my money and I need to learn to deal with him myself.

What should I do? He won't ever leave me alone. It's ruining my life.

YABU: pull your knickers up and deal with him yourself

YANBU: your solicitors are there to help you during a difficult time and it's ok to keep using them / refusing to speak with him directly

When it's abusive I do think solicitors are best and block all other forms of communication.

Or a coparenting app like Our Family Wizard has been really useful. Nothing can be deleted, everything can be used in court at a later date if needed. So if he continued you could log on it with the police and potentially, eventually, maybe, get a non-molestation order. That is what I was advised by the police.

The fact that he is trying to circumvent these arrangements are a clear indication that he's worried he won't get things all his own way.

Keep insisting that all comms are through the lawyers.

The votes and responses here are very affirming!

If she thinks that, put him onto your mother to deal with! 😂. Controlling people don’t change. Keep it at arms length, or you’ll pay the psychological price. It’s a real concern if your daughter is being sent back to potentially unsafe situation. I presume (unfortunately) family court can’t help.

It's hard but ignore him. Remember he knows how to push your buttons. Do not let him pressure you into anything - including communication on his terms. He hurt you and he hurt his daughter her.

Food luck OP

Fuck that! Definitely get the professionals to deal with this POS

I’d see that as a positive that you CAN pay for someone else to deal with him even if it’s expensive. It’s Alright for your mum to say (wo)man up but she wasn’t in a relationship with him. How old is DC?

Email or app only. Whatever HE suggests - no fucking way. He will push, so ignore.

@Frozensun unfortunately, my solicitors feel that family court is very risky and it's better to stay out of that venue. I am aware that abusers who falsely claim parental alienation often prevail.

Redirect all communication to the lawyers.
Never converse with him; he want to twist your opinion but a lawyer will not entertain any of his BS.