AIBU to think my husband did something wrong

[Abitconfusedaboutcheese]

Can anyone clarify if he’s done anything wrong or why I feel upset with husband? Might just be me feeling weird and no lines have been crossed so please tell if if I’m being unreasonable.

My daughter got a new headteacher at school. Previous one wasn’t great and lots of problems. Our daughter has some SEN needs so my husband booked a meeting with the new head. He ended up chatting with new headteacher and discussing not only our daughter but what the parents thought of the school and to help change it around. These meetings started happening quite regularly (1-1 in her office maybe once a month) always about our daughter but then just general chats about school and she would gossip and tell him things that crossed the line about the school. Anyway he said he’d join the governor to help change the school around. He’d give her lifts home (she’d ask him) from the meetings and again she told him gossip or things about the school that you wouldn’t tell a parent. Sometimes he or she would phone each other about the meetings but it was also friendly and chatting about other stuff after the meeting chat.

Its made me feel weird- like he’s got a confidant in another woman, she’s recently divorced, and I find it uncomfortable. Maybe it’s normal for a woman to ring a man and chat? Always under some reason to do with a meeting or school but then goes on to other things.

I told him it was making me uncomfortable, we have our girls at the school and she’s the head teacher and I just felt she might have thought there was something more to it. Husband said it was to get the best help for our daughter and to help the school but I can’t help feeling something is off. No affair or anything.

Anyway- there’s a position going at the linked school and husband and I spoke about me applying. He then asked the head about me applying in a message. She’s ignored him since. I asked DH if she’s responded and he said no because I think I’ve spoken about you and she’s gone weird as he wondered if she thought there was more to it. It’s make me feel so upset and horrible.

have I been stupid? I feel like a pit in my tummy. I said to DH why would you let someone think something was going on, what impression have you given to her. I feel stupid. My girls are both at the school. DH says he can talk to anyone and he’s not done anything wrong.

please can anyone give me advice thank you

Yeah at least one of them was flirting and imagining it would go farther. Not sure if it was his idea/goal but definitely hers.

That’s what I thought . She’s very friendly - calls everyone gorgeous, hugs parents etc so he thought it’s just how she is. I feel like a fool as at first I thought oh great our daughter will be looked after as you can chat to the headteacher but I think I’ve been naive

That's really horrible for you OP x

But it sounds like by applying you have solved the situation? DH now aware that there was something unprofessional about the level of contact and has hopefully learned a lesson?

I hope that is now a stop to it. Might be complex if she ends up being your manager though!

she sounds appalling
and she’s better than the previous head????!

She sounds awful. Sounds like your husband doesn't share the same feelings about her though!

Yeah I would say with your husbands response I don't think your husband is at fault here at all
The head though, she had a different idea

why don’t you become a governor

ask for monthly 1-2-1s

play him at his own game with this head teacher

but i’d certainly accept that this marriage sounds far from healthy

The reason she cut off contact is because she viewed your H as canvassing for a job on your behalf.
Whatever the reason for all their convos, she made a professional decision to avoid very suddenly, and that seems why.
You seem to have wrested some sort of trashy novel plot line out of it, whatever.
Bad move that husband asked HT about your suitability for a job.
If you wanted the job, should ve just applied for it, same as everyone else.

I don’t think he did anything wrong. She did if she thought it would go further or meant something. My kid has SEN and I had monthly meetings with the head of the pupil support staff, and we did chat about stuff after taking through my kid’s support arrangements. We would chat about school gossip, and anything interesting we had done recently. Just chit chat. I’d see that as normal and it shouldn’t be any different for a father going into a school. If she has created a fantasy in her own head then that’s on her. And it’s also really unprofessional for her to now ignore him If he contacts her about issues surrounding your child. But he should stop messaging or chatting about anything outside of that given her very funny reaction as soon as she was reminded he has a wife.

It's all just so tedious isn't it OP. I think the head fancied him. But he's just thought it was all innocent.

Head Teacher should find something she is more suited to. It is not teaching.

Sounds like he's made a friendship that also happened to be beneficial for his kids, and this woman has taken it to be more than it is.

I don't think your husband has done anything wrong particularly. He's been honest with you the whole time, hasn't led her on as far as I can see.

You see plenty of threads on here from women who've suddenly had a male friend declare their love for them, people usually side with the woman on those threads. Why should it be any different for your husband?

If he’s been transparent with all messages and he genuinely didn’t think it was more then fair enough but I think when you said it was making you uncomfortable he probably should have stepped back from the constant communication and lifts. Clearly she saw it going somewhere so sounds like you were right to be suspicious about at least one of them.