Husband raging for turning off music.

[Ivyiris]

Walked into my house to blaring music/noise , kids screaming. Asked him what the noise was and he preceded to tell me 'i don't know' so I go over to the speaker and turn it off so I can hear myself think. He then screams at me calling me selfish, swearing at me, telling me he wouldn't dream of doing that to me, because I've turned off the music he was listening to even though he told me he didn't know what it was. Try to but it back on but he is raging. Aibu?

Kids screaming, man screaming, music blasting..expecting a thread from your poor neighbours soon.

Nope. Never had a boss or anyone for that matter who has ever screamed at me. People have lost their temper at me. I've been shouted at, sure. No one has screamed at me. Unless of course you have evidence to the contrary.

I showed sympathy to the OP by advising her not to put up with being screamed at or raged at. To get her children to a place of safety and to leave so she was no longer going to be subjected to a screaming raging man.

Apart from patrolling the board acting like class monitor, what exactly have you said to the OP to help? How have you made her feel less alone?

I’ve never been screamed at either, and I don’t say that to be ‘nasty’, but to show the OP that it’s not normal and it’s not something anyone should have to put up with in a relationship.

Don't tolerate this behavior. If you do it will only get worse. Pull him up on it now and each and every time. Get angry if you must. Do not let him treat you this way. This is how domestic violence and emotional abuse begin.

Are you nuts? 🤕 yes, OF COURSE it is a rhetorical question, she opening the conversation . she means,'what's going on that the music is deafening and the children are screaming? Obviously a situation she hasn't had before and obviously she can't think with all that racket!

Well id think it was pretty clear that the ‘noise’ was music I was listening too so I wouldn’t appreciate being asked such a ridiculous question. I’d also expect the music to be turned down, not off. But your husband was out of order for screaming and swearing at you. How old are the children and what do you mean by them screaming - were they distressed and being ignored/ neglected or just being noisy ( as kids can be).

It is rude to turn someone's music off.

What did you mean by noise? The kids or the music in a sarcastic way, if the latter I guess you was trying to poke the bear and then you got a reaction when you went further and turned it off

It all sounds exaggerated for a mumsnet reaction

The fact she asked a question,he heard and answered, and she heard him, makes me think it wasn't exactly 'blaring'

OP did not ask to shut off the music, she disingenously asked “what’s that noise?” When she knew the noise was music and loud children playing.

Absolutely out of order from the OP, completely justifies being screamed at 🙄

The DH’s wrong of screaming at her does not make her deliberate rude and provocative statement and action right.

Is turning off the music really important here? The OP and her children were subjected to a raging, screaming man. No-one deserves to be terrified in their own home for turning off some music.

I hope she's okay and that he eventually calmed down. The OP hasn't been back, let's hope she's safe.

I think you could've simply said, crikey that's a bit loud, and turned it down to a reasonable level. You didn't need to say 'What's that noise' (erm, it's music that I chose to put on) and then switch it off entirely.
Though he shouldn't have shouted at you. If I was him I'd prob call you a misery guts though.

There is no mention of “terrified” or that the children were present in the same room as DH and the music.

Yes, the screaming is important, but so is the whole context of the OP’s actions that led directly to the screaming. OP’s rudeness to her DH does not justify or excuse his screaming at her but it can go a ways towards explaining why it happened.

Did I miss how old the children are?

You wouldn't be terrified if a man was screaming and raging? She said he screamed at her and was raging. Surely the children heard the screaming? We don't know where they were when he was raging, what he did - was he slamming doors? Hitting walls? - we don't know how he was raging.

Does someone of sound mind scream and rage because someone turned off some music? I can imagine being annoyed, as it's an annoying thing to do, but I wouldn't scream at someone or carry on in a rage. Especially if there were children about.

Gosh, you just keep inventing details to make the bare facts in the OP match your imagined worst case scenario.

Yes, sane people of sound mind do get angry and shout now and then. OP makes no mention of being terrified or her DH hitting walls or doing a flounce and door slam. You might be less enraged if you conscientiously erase the imagined filler you have applied.

Good on you that you have never been angry enough to scream at anyone ever when a final straw breaks. I have been married long enough to have cracked at a straw after a day of rudeness and being sniped at combined with the stress of unruly kids bouncing off the walls and fighting amongst each other. Not my proudest moment, but we are all human and can’t all be perfect.

I've never screamed at anyone. I've shouted but never screamed. I'm not imagining anything, she says in the OP that he screamed at her and was raging. Perhaps he screamed quietly so the children couldn't hear.

I’ve never screamed and raged at anyone, and I have never been raged or screamed at. It’s not normal.

I obviously live on a parallel universe. Some people seem to think that screaming and raging is perfectly acceptable behaviour and we've all done it. That they wouldn't be frightened of a raging screaming man.

I’d be absolutely incandescent of music was blaring as I walked in, or at any other time. Incredibly anti-social. YANBU.

Screaming and shouting are the same thing if they both contain words.

It sounds like the music was only off for a few minutes; can he not just replay whatever song he missed part of, ideally at a lower volume? Unless there's some important context missing, it's a gross overreaction on his part.

I am sure you will be canonised.