Gazebo demands

[Doglover321]

I’m 27 and back with my mum for the time-being. She wants to set up a new gazebo in the garden and has asked me to help. I have told her: ‘I’m just about to go in the shower and get dressed and then I’ll help or I can just chuck my dressing gown on and help’. She won’t let me help wearing my dressing gown (she thinks the neighbours spy on us) and won’t accept the shower & get dressed first option either. I have told her 5 minutes and then I’ll go for a shower and get dressed. When she asks for help, she expects help immediately and doesn’t seem to understand this isn’t always possible/to be a bit lenient. She’s non-stop having a go at me as we speak, bringing up past resentments. Who is in the wrong here?

Neither of you is in the wrong.

You just need to find a way to move out.

You are both adults and need to live separately.

You could make her a cup of tea and shower while she's drinking it?

It is unreasonable not to let you shower, but she's probably doing more housework with you there and will have wound herself up about wanting you to help.

I even said I could help wearing my dressing down or something which was a no. She’s just posted to Facebook bitching about me and asking if any local friends can come and help her 😳

She’s even toxic and says things like ‘no wonder why your ex hates you’

When she’s never had a boyfriend herself other than my dad which was before I was born for 2-3 months on and off

i’m now out the shower getting dressed and she’s still shouting

Why are you living with her? You’re an adult living in your mother’s home. Move out.

This is the sort of thing that happens if I spend too much time with my mam, she tries to fall back into the "parenting a stubborn teenage girl" dynamic and I have to remind her I'm now a stubborn 33 year old and she needs to wind her neck in.

We honestly get on fine these days but I could never, ever live with her - healthy distance is vital for us to maintain our relationship.

What's your timeline for moving out again? I assume you have moved back in for a good reason but for the sake of your relationship, you need to be seeking independence asap.

Move out as soon as you can.

Time to move out

Well not everyone has the means to move out!

Just ignore her.

Sounds like she needs a nap!

She sleeps for 12 hours every night

You need to move out!

I'd go out for the rest of the day. Somewhere, anywhere and leave her with her Facebook friends and gazebo.

Is there a reason you are there, maybe a relationship break down or something else? What is keeping you there, is it financial? A room in a shared house or lodging somewhere sounds more appealing doesn't it?

Do you like her?

Aaaaahhhh are you the same poster with the mum who had a strop because you wouldn't take her to a music festival trip with you and your dad? (Bizarre and awkward!)

Yes she's very unreasonable! I doubt there's any getting through to her. Moving out is the only option.

Yep, that’s me haha. She ended up asking the 70-year-old neighbour to come round and do it with us and was really stroppy because we weren’t amazing at it. But it’s done and dusted now at least. She also has this neighbour doing her grocery shopping for her!!

Why is the neighbour doing the grocery shopping? Are you not able to shop for both of you? It all sounds quite odd in your house.

Maybe she thought it best not to expose you to several different men and concentrated on bringing you up and looking after you ? Take a step back and have a think.

Bitching about her own child on Facebook over a fucking gazebo, ffs. Getting her elderly neighbour to do her shopping!? Who does she think she is!? Why are you back with her?

I don’t drive/have a car. She wants big shops

She sounds bloody unbearable

Do you have plans to move out? I know it isn't always as easy as it sounds but I'd move making that a priority

Re shopping. Why aren't you just doing an online shop?