Step son is mid 20s and has lived with me for a couple of years now however his dad/my husband passed away 5 years ago and I've always remained close to him and he opted to move in which I was happy about, this was because we had more room and he was sharing with his step brother at his mums so he came here for his own room which was always his when he stayed.
Since moving in he has left his room a tip and the probably not very practical white walls are black with filth, I can't remember how many times I've painted them.
I'm constantly scrubbing coffee and hot chocolate drips out the carpet where he drips it through the house apparently not realising.
I don't cook for him so he cooks for himself but scrubs so hard he has taken all the surface off the frying pan and pots so the bottoms are just silver.
He's ruined nearly every utensil I own through bending mashers and cheese graters, and even the bath is blacks and stained which won't come off so I've told him he'd only having showers from now on.
He comes home and kicks his shoes off, chucks his bag on the sofa, slings his coat on the dining chair, walks into the kitchen and chucks down his lunch box and whatever else and within minutes of him being home the house I've cleaned and tidied is a trail of his mess.
I would like a nice house but I'm damned if I'm going to keep decorating just for it to be filthy again a short while later.
He does his own laundry but will either forget and leave it out on the line or he'll bring it in and leave it screwed up in the basket for days, his things are strewn all over the house, wet towels left on the bathroom floor, crumbs all over the kitchen sides and I'm sick to death of cleaning up after him.
I've said he can go back to his mums if it continues but then he's all apologetic and full of promise to do better which lasts about a week and I'm back cleaning everything again because attempts at leaving it prove to be indefinite for example he left his plate at the table which only had to be put in the dishwasher the other side of the kitchen so I left it there to make a point and after 3 days I put it in there myself.
I wfh and I hate mess and so it gets to me a lot and I end up doing it because I want a clean and tidy home.
He has a brother who cleans up after himself and keeps his room nice and ss claims to but it's not good enough.
It's got got the point where I don't want to have anyone round anymore because I'm so ashamed of our house and was thinking about moving in the near future but I couldn't possibly show anyone around at the moment.
I have had enough and want to ask him to start looking for something else which will probably result in him going back to his mum but then I'll be forever the bad guy and I want to stay close to him as I've been in his life so long and my youngest son is his brother and apart from this ongoing issue we enjoy living together but we have the same conversation over and over and I don't know how to resolve it.