To cancel a first date, I know it's a shitty thing to do

[Cantsleepagain33]

It's someone from OLD, the date is supposed to be at 7:30pm, meeting for a drink. Been talking on Hinge for about 5 days.

I know I've massively wasted his time, and this is really flaky, but I've decided he's not for me and I'm not in a position to be dating.
Or should I just go and grin and bear it? It's nothing against him.
I imagine he'll be pissed off and rightly so.

He said he prefers people in general in the city I'm originally from to the city we now both live in.
Again I'm probably being picky but seems strange to generalise about people like that?

It doesn't matter what his profile says tbh. What matters is that you don't want to go. So don't.

You haven't wasted his time. Youd be wasting his time going on a date you don't want to have and won't repeat.
Whether anyone else thinks his profile wording is strange is neither here nor there. You read it and started messaging so it must have been attractive at some point. It's ok to trust your instincts and decide you don't want to see him.

You don't know anyone a date. You're so obviously not into him so what's the point? Stop trying to find excuses and reasons too. You're just not feeling it. That's enough. Your feelings and opinions are enough. Online dating can be an absolute cesspool so you definitely need to trust yourself more (and allow yourself to make decisions without a dozen what if's and "am i being nice enough" doubts.)before you keep going.

Agree, trust your gut

*owes

I've cancelled.

I agree. It would put me off too. He sounds like a negative Nancy.

Picky is good, I highly recommend everyone should be very very picky when dating! So many abusive men and wannabe cocklodgers out there!

OP, cancel. I don’t like the tone of his profile either and if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Just be honest and say that.

Hopefully I won't bump into him.. he only lives around a mile from me.

That doesn’t sound cocky to me. Sounds like he wants to hear about people’s real life and what their day to day is. Not the insta version a lot of people share. However I do t like the ‘we must meet in a week’ on his profile, if he wants to meet in a week perfectly acceptable but he can’t dictate timings to others. People should only meet up when they are ready to not because they’ve been told they have to. I see you’ve cancelled which if your not feeling it then it’s the right thing to do

Yeah I just read it again and it said 'my rule is that we have to meet within a week of matching '

You keep trying to justify cancelling but you're allowed to not like someone. Just move on.

OP, it sounds like you’re trying really hard not to be seen as someone who “upsets” or wastes the time of these people. Gently, this is not the right attitude for dating anyone, online or offline. You can’t be so hard on yourself and feel like you owe them a meet up because you’ve been chatting on an app for less than a week. Your time is no less valuable than theirs. It’s quite dangerous to think you shouldn’t upset a man and be worried about whether they’ll be pissed off with you cancelling / any other reason - not a good sign. Please be reassured you are allowed to decide for yourself what you want to do or not, EVEN if it upsets others / hurts their feelings / makes them “unhappy” for a few minutes.

If you're going to cancel, do it sooner rather than later.

I once had someone string me along all day regarding meeting for a date, then he cancelled 1 hour before, so just as I was about to leave my house to meet him.

It was preferable to him cancelling when I had already arrived, but he clearly knew he wasn't going to be able to meet, yet left cancelling so late that I had no time to make alternative arrangements.

Don't string him along if you're not feeling it already, just cancel now.

I have cancelled now :)

I don’t think he worded things at all well, but I think the overall message of not wasting time and not just being someone’s fall-back option is a good one - as long as he is reflecting the standards and behaviours he’s looking for in others.

But bottom line, he didn’t feel right for you, you’ve done what feels like the best thing for you, and you’ve given him plenty of notice to re-think his evening, if he wants to.

Good for you OP. You've been respectful cancelling early. Now you both have time to organise other things 👍

Enjoy your weekend!

A few chats for a week isn't really that much time in the grand scheme of things, but if you're concerned about wasting his time the answer isn't to waste more of it by going on the date! Much better to cancel now than to go on it knowing you don't want to date him.

(And I wouldn't look at chats that go nowhere as a waste of time anyway. You learned a bit more about you want in a man, for starters.)

This is exactly the sort of thing I'd say to someone. 😬😂

OP check out The Burned Haystack Dating Method. There's also a huge FB group, it's v helpful!

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/online-dating-apps-burned-haystack_n_64d8de7ce4b077b577035f18

It's 5 days you've been talking to him not months. The comments you've said turned you off don't sound like big things but if you feel like they are that's probably a sign that there's a part of you that really doesn't want to meet up so you're finding any excuse to cancel. That's fine. Speaking for five days isn't a binding contract with someone. You're going to tell him that you don't want to meet up and I see no problem with this. I think it would be worse to go as you won't be into it and it would probably not be a positive experience for either of you.

I would rather someone cancelled on me before I wasted my time, money and energy on a date that wasn't going to go anywhere!

Saying his rule is to meet within a week is a twat move on his part. What makes him so special and superior? Why do woman have to fall in line with his rules?

I think you’ve dodged a bullet here.

That would put me off. Anything negative in profiles is a red flag for me.