I dislike my MIL

[Ecas88]

I can't stand my MIL, she is the most miserable person I have ever met. All she does is moan about everything, made snide comments or complains. She comes back from a holiday and talks about all the bad things that happened on it, goes to restaurants and always finds something to complain about to get money back and 90% of the time will refuse to pay a tip.
We went away with DH family last week and by the end of it I feel miserable and want to cry. I've spent a week listening to nasty comments, constant complaining and im just so drained, I always feel on edge about every move I make incase it gives her a reason to say something insulting about me to the rest of the family. She even told my DS that he should shut up.....My DS who is 3 was excited to be out with everyone and is super chatty (but really well behaved) and didn't deserve that, he went quiet and looked a bit unsure about what was said to him. The rest of the family are generally lovely but I can't fake being nice to someone I can't stand....I want to tell my DH but I'm unsure how he will react about it, I feel like it will cause a lot of friction between us even though he knows what his mum is like. Any advise on what to do in this situation....I'm feeling a bit desperate atm.

How does your husband not know you can't stand her?

Maybe make some effort to get to know her as a human being. Is she depressed,has life been tricky for her ? Ask husband if she has changed from how she was when he was growing up.

Did she actually use the words ‘shut up’ to your 3 year old? Or did she shush him because he was interrupting conversations? Because if she told him to shut up, my reaction would be different from if she’d shushed a chatty child who had just forgotten his manners for a moment. And did your DH hear her? If not, have you told him?

@TwattyMcFuckFace mostly because I've been brought up to be a civil and I'm a people pleaser....but I've got to the point where I don't even want to be civil anymore.

My MIL is pretty bad, although in a very different way to yours - she’s delightful on the surface, and fools a lot of people, but is deeply resentful and manipulative underneath. This side to her does show, but she prefers to show it to me when no one else is around so she can undermine me and get away with it.
My DH is not open to criticism about his Mum. Family dynamics are odd. Unfortunately I have to accept her for who she is, know that she won’t change, try and limit my contact with her and stop expecting support from my husband on this matter. Not an ideal situation.
I have no helpful advice but I do relate.

If she actually told my 3 year old to 'shut up' I would have walked out.

@Olidorjo I've been with him 5 years....he even mentioned to me at school his friends were scared of his mum and used to call her a bitch...so she must have been that miserable her whole life. The dad is rich, shes only worked out of choice, they go on multiple holidays a year, live in a big house, both retired....not sure what there is to be that miserable about.

@Whothefuckdoesthat yeh something along the lines of "if only he would just shut up" but she spoke directly to him...she thinks that's a joke, she thinks her nasty comments are funny. Unfortunately my 3 year old didn't find it funny and was just confused as no one else in his life would ever say that to him.

@Bohomovies how has it worked out for you? Do you feel better about the situation now you don't see her as much? Does your partner get annoyed you don't want to be involved with his family? I'm just so done with pretending I'm having a good time when I'm so miserable and stressed out.

That's what I was thinking.. just knowing from me.. my hubby knows for sure I don't like his mum.. in fact when I start to speak about them he cuts me short to say yes babe I know.. you don't like them.. 🤣

Why didn’t you tell her to shut up when she spoke to your kid like that?

I couldn't get fussed about 'if only he would shut up', said in a jokey way to my 'super chatty' 3 year old.

I mean it's probably not what I would say to someone else's DC but it's not that bad imo.

Either way I'd be very surprised if your DH didn't know deep down how you feel about his mum, especially after a week away with the pair of you.

Tell your DH that you didn't like his mum telling off your little boy and that it mustn't happen again.

No more holidays with them just go away the three of you in future.

@Ecas88 Sometimes I have days where I just stew about it in my head. I can feel very angry about the situation; the lack of support from my husband, his refusal to see things my my perspective and to basically let her get away with it. She has stirred trouble between us and she has crossed boundaries and interfered.
I think what has stopped me from biting back at her/letting my rage out and saying what I think is the fact that she really is very old. I feel she won’t have many years left, and could die any day (she’s over 90). I think if I spoke out freely to her/DH or both of them, and then she died, it could cause more trouble for myself in the long run than not saying anything.