To not want to date because it's expensive?

[Fringebenefits33]

I got into about 8k of debt in my mid/late 20s, thankfully it's under control now, I have got it down to about 2.5k and I have a stable income and a mortgage.
I am single and like being in control of my money. Something that's putting me off dating is the thought of having to spend a lot of money, which may be me overthinking because of my previous debt.
I don't mind going for a coffee or the occasional cinema, going for a walk etc. But I feel like a lot of people will be expecting fancy dinners, bars etc (I don't drink anyway) more luxurious holidays and I'm not comfortable with spending a lot of money.
I'm not saying I'm tight, I just want to be sensible and in control of my finances. The thought of this is putting me off dating and making me anxious for some reason, not sure if anyone else has experienced this?

do you have any children?

No I don't have children.
I just have some anxieties around money I guess; I like being in complete control of my finances and knowing exactly what I'll be spending for the month.

Dating doesnt have to be expensive.
Find someone on your wave length regarding money.

Maybe start putting a small amount away per month for dating/socialising. That may make you feel more in control over it?

Thank you, yes that may be a good idea.
I've had a couple of interviews for higher paid jobs too.
An ex used to get annoyed at me because he wanted to go on more long-haul holidays which I couldn't really afford.

It sounds like an excuse to not have to date? Either way, if you like someone go with the flow, it’s your money, your date too and therefore your rules. Spend what you want, don’t spend what you want. Good luck ;)

Dating isnt expensive. I only ever do drinks or coffee for the first few dates anyway and I make it clear that I’m more into nice cozy pubs than swanky restaurants.

If someone is on your wavelength, they’ll feel the same

I don’t know where you live but going out in London has become ridiculously expensive, I have just returned from dinner in a moderately priced place, a starter, main and a beer cost me £70! I don’t think you are being unreasonable, you just need to find your crowd so to speak.

@Fringebenefits33 I hope it's alright to chime in on this thread because I am not dating.

But I have done a lot of meeting people recently and while it's been fun I have found it quite expensive (for me).

It also seems I have a totally different mindset than most in that I can't even get my head around paying chain restaurant, one course prices. so £25-30 say, that seems a lot.

That's not a criticism of what anyone is charging or spending. It's just not really in my nature to pay for meals out and stuff.

And I think perhaps I didn't realise how much it was impacting on my social life but yeah - you do need to find somebody on the same wavelength or it's going to get incredibly expensive.

I've had six weeks of spending more than I usually do, although compared to a lot of people on here it will be nothing.

But it's really not something I would do unless there was a particular reason for it. I suppose in your case dating is that reason, but if you don't want to find yourself dating people for whom the Ivy is a normal meal out, you probably need to be careful who you choose! My priority was early retirement since I was 19!

Recent posts on MN have been really striking to me.

But also I moved a year ago. And one of my friends is visiting me from the first time and she likes a restaurant so wants to eat out (I was already mentally planning what to cook) and I literally cannot recommend one because I haven't tried any of them. I was just speaking to her and thought to myself, I'm an oddity here.

but money in the bank is important to me, so rest assured you're not the only one.