To think I’m too nice…..

[helooq]

….and I need to have dignity?

I feel I am over the top friendly - I say good morning to people, hold doors and just make conversations with people and try to make them comfortable. I’ve been thinking today I have all my life thought I’ve got good manners and I’m a caring person who hates seeing people being left out but I’m thinking maybe I’m annoyingly nice and need to have a little more “dignity”(not sure this is the word I actually mean). I mean that take school runs for example there’s a mum who drops off her kid and picks Up without a hello etc. she will respond if you say hello but she walks in and walks out and seems really happy and able to get on with her day.

I do sometimes feel people try to avoid me. I genuinely do care about people and I think my mentality is more “community minded”. I think I want to make a change as I’m not really happy if I’m honest. I feel kind of drained and lonely in a sense even though I try to be friendly.

bot sure why I’m posting but sometimes people in here are quite insightful!

i think I need to start being more reserved and not be so quick to chat etc.

I understand you

Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura.

I read book and I found it helpful (if long) to stop people pleasing and be more authentic

I found reading nice girls don't get the corner office helpful.

You sound like a genuinely lovely person, but what you describe as community minded could be another person's interfering, suffocating, overbearing, wanting something, unavailable headspace for new relationships.

Whatever the reason I think you should try and figure out why it is so important to you, and is there another way of achieving whatever it is you want.

Thank you all. I don’t think I’m 100% nice as I do actually intensely dislike one mum but I always greet her with a smile. I don’t talk to her but I will always smile. I think people pleasing is the behaviour I’m talking about. I want to care less about what people think of me. The mum I hate is the one that just drops and picks up without a word! I think I may even envy her confidence to be able to do that. I don’t know though. I find putting a label in my feelings really difficult. I honestly don’t know how I am really feeling ever. I put on a smile and try to be friendly but I don’t know if that actually me

Don't change the way you are. You're a friendly, caring person. The world needs more people like you.

I have a friend who is always happy, smiley, overly chatty. So many people don't get her. They feel it's fake because people aren't usually always that happy. They find her overbearing they think she's getting involved in business that's not her place. I see both sides, I know she's a good person with a kind heart but I see how her behaviour is draining to people. I'm not saying this is what you're like, just explaining my friends circumstances.

im always a touch skeptical when people describe themselves as “too nice” or “too friendly”

There's nothing wrong with being a caring person, but if people seem suspicious of your behaviour, I think it's probably because they sense that it's not genuine - you say you go about greeting everyone very cheerfully, but you also say you are not really happy. I think people sense that disparity. I would try not to worry about what people think of you and try and work on what changes you can make to feel happier in yourself...but I know that's far easier said than done! You sound like a lovely person so I hope you're able to make the change you want to

I'm the same! And I too, wonder sometimes if I'm just annoying? But I genuinely like chatting to people in line at the shop, bus stop etc. And then I heard these everyday friendly chats are actually beneficial, both for your health and for society as a whole! It might be this episode by Just one thing (💔): www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/3k4DPSzMH72HHzzpgT2D8k6/can-reaching-out-to-a-friend-or-neighbour-make-you-healthier
I agree with a PP, let's not change :)

(And of course, I, too, hate some people)

over the top friendly

and just make conversations with people and try to make them comfortable

I don’t think it’s unreasonable that some people will avoid you if you have a tendency to be overly friendly and to strike up random conversations they aren’t interested in having with you. It’s pretty tedious when you just want to get on with your day and somebody tries to chatter inanely at you or puts on some best buddies act when you barely know them. This isn’t you being “too nice”, this is you being overbearing and not responding appropriately to other people’s boundaries. People are telling you with their behaviour how your behaviour makes them feel.

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@helooq I could have written your post.

I am very nice to everyone. Even when I don't want to be. Then I question if I'm a secret cow? Therefore I'm not very nice.