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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report neighbours?

11 replies

Vjjeiknmiw6377 · 27/06/2024 19:29

Weve not lived in our current house for too long. Neighbours have always seemed nice enough, introduced themselves and keep to themselves mostly. They have 3 dogs from what we've seen, who bark for hours on end when left alone. I keep debating mentioning it to them (not in a big complaint kind of way, they may be completely unaware as they're out when they bark) but chicken out because I hate confrontation. It can be all day, frequently it's for hours Friday evenings as they seem to go out (until quite late)
We have also periodically smelled weed (not a huge deal, people can do what they want, and couldn't tell which way it was coming from) but were now sure it's the same neighbours, and it's multiple times a day almost every single day. This is our first summer here so I think now that we've got windows open, hanging washing out, playing in the garden...it's more noticeable.
The man next door smokes in the garden so the smell then comes directly over to us, I'm worried my washing will smell, and we also have a baby and a toddler whose bedrooms back onto the garden, so I'm having to frequently shut their windows to stop their rooms smelling. Obviously with it being hot this week, that's been less than ideal. I don't have a huge issue with it being a 'drug' just the smell and the frequency. If we go out and the windows are open, we can smell it in the house when we get in. I dread to think of my kids clothes smelling of weed 😬
I could write them a note maybe? But then I'd be worried they'll be knocking on the door to moan at me 😂 is reporting them really out of order? The police won't do anything surely, they have kids but I don't want to involve anyone like social services (would they care anyway) it's housing association so could go down that route. I really like where we live and have spent lots doing up our house, I just don't want this to ruin how happy we thought we'd be here 😭

OP posts:
SomePosters · 27/06/2024 19:33

Other people make noise and smells. You’re just going to have to deal with that or move to the middle of nowhere with no neighbours.

You can’t control how your neighbours live and you’ll cause nothing but strife for all of you try.

Peonies12 · 27/06/2024 19:35

id Pick your battles - can you ask if their dogs are ok, mention the barking, frame it as “oh you might not have realised”. Or can you ask them to smoke further away from the house? Then it’s not really a complaint, just a polite ask.

SilverDoe · 27/06/2024 19:38

I do empathise but I am not sure how you came to the conclusion that reporting a family to the police is less rude and invasive than popping your head over the fence or a note through the door.

I now have a neighbour from hell after being moved as a result of us and the whole street complaining about a load of drug related activity, so fully admit I have a bias from my own experience, but now I have a very “be careful what you wish for” attitude toward neighbours; if they leave you alone to get on with your life, you may have to accept that behaviour you find unsavoury or inconvenient is part and parcel of living in close proximity to other people.

Vjjeiknmiw6377 · 27/06/2024 19:39

SomePosters · 27/06/2024 19:33

Other people make noise and smells. You’re just going to have to deal with that or move to the middle of nowhere with no neighbours.

You can’t control how your neighbours live and you’ll cause nothing but strife for all of you try.

Middle of nowhere would be lovely 😂

I absolutely get this, kids playing, smelly of BBQs, the odd bit of barking, occasional party etc etc, doesn't bother me at all, tbh I can even drown out the dogs barking all day, but I can't stand the weed smell, and I think it's so distinctive, imagine sending your child to nursery in clothes smelling of it 😬

OP posts:
SilverDoe · 27/06/2024 19:41

And FWIW I do agree with you, I hate the smell of weed; both sets of neighbours have smoked it heavily so I find it triggering and reminds me of all sorts of things I hate. But it is definitely not a battle I would pick.

Lokshen · 27/06/2024 19:43

You might have been describing our neighbours and living situation.
We have decided not to make any complaint though, as I no longer worry when my kids are noisy, and actually they have always been pleasant enough with parcels etc. Better the devil you know ...

Vjjeiknmiw6377 · 27/06/2024 19:44

Lokshen · 27/06/2024 19:43

You might have been describing our neighbours and living situation.
We have decided not to make any complaint though, as I no longer worry when my kids are noisy, and actually they have always been pleasant enough with parcels etc. Better the devil you know ...

This is very true, I don't want to cause issues that are even worse.

Maybe I need to swap the bedrooms around and start drying my washing in the front garden 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 27/06/2024 19:46

You could politely ask if they could smoke further up the garden as the smoke is blowing in to your side, especially in summer. You don't need to mention weed specifically. I'm sure they'll either move accordingly or do it indoors as I'm sure they don't want to get in trouble over it. As for the dogs, it's a bit tricky as they can claim ignorance.
You might need to record it and potentially approach the council, but speak to them first in a pleasant manner.

Randomrover · 19/11/2024 20:14

Don’t get so blatantly and directly involved in their business. By acknowledging their row openly you’re acknowledging the how far the boundary has stretched, to the outside world, so once they’ve overcome any embarrassment they will be ok going there again, and further, as the trend continues.

As a responsible adult you have a safeguarding duty to any child being subjected to domestic abuse of any kind, as recognised in law. This applies to their children and yours.

You may hear thumping and banging but you can’t see what or who is being slammed, pinned, pinched or punched. Or what’s being conveyed in their expressions, the whispered threats or the tears. They are possibly horrified by what’s becoming their reality. Embarrassment could easily become the fckit trigger for one to go scorch earth on their relationship.

They need an objective outsider with some authority to gain their attention and bring them up to speed with where they are and how quickly it can go past the point of no return. They can choose to remember the person they fell in love with, married and created a family with as they brought another little person into this already troubled world.
Let the police be the reality check, they are trained to navigate the process and address any safeguarding concerns. You be you, wife, mother, neighbour.
Where there are kids involved, please, don’t hesitate. These memories will shape their young lives and last a lifetime. It is a call for 999.
Anyone hearing them could call for an intervention, you don’t have to let the her know it was you to make the call. Your identity will be withheld as a third party in the event of a data subject access request.

Curtainqueen · 19/11/2024 20:16

Randomrover · 19/11/2024 20:14

Don’t get so blatantly and directly involved in their business. By acknowledging their row openly you’re acknowledging the how far the boundary has stretched, to the outside world, so once they’ve overcome any embarrassment they will be ok going there again, and further, as the trend continues.

As a responsible adult you have a safeguarding duty to any child being subjected to domestic abuse of any kind, as recognised in law. This applies to their children and yours.

You may hear thumping and banging but you can’t see what or who is being slammed, pinned, pinched or punched. Or what’s being conveyed in their expressions, the whispered threats or the tears. They are possibly horrified by what’s becoming their reality. Embarrassment could easily become the fckit trigger for one to go scorch earth on their relationship.

They need an objective outsider with some authority to gain their attention and bring them up to speed with where they are and how quickly it can go past the point of no return. They can choose to remember the person they fell in love with, married and created a family with as they brought another little person into this already troubled world.
Let the police be the reality check, they are trained to navigate the process and address any safeguarding concerns. You be you, wife, mother, neighbour.
Where there are kids involved, please, don’t hesitate. These memories will shape their young lives and last a lifetime. It is a call for 999.
Anyone hearing them could call for an intervention, you don’t have to let the her know it was you to make the call. Your identity will be withheld as a third party in the event of a data subject access request.

OP hasn't been back almost 6 months so probably won't see your reply.

Randomrover · 19/11/2024 20:25

Before anyone swears at me, I’m sorry this was written in response to s different post re aggressively rowing neighbours with kids being affected. I don’t know how to remove or edit my last.. politely disregard the misplaced soap box speech

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