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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t know what to do with my life.

16 replies

JarOfParts · 27/06/2024 13:49

Hello,

I didn’t know where to post this to be honest.

I’m wondering if anyone has been in the position where they’ve been lost and have turned things around?

I was working for myself in a creative industry but it seems that my career has come to an end. I have faced rejection after rejection and I can’t take much more. I’m totally lost and don’t know what to do next? I don't have long before I have to get a new job and whilst I will take anything to get through, in the mean time I want to try and find something for myself but I don’t know where to start. I’ve applied, tentatively for a few jobs but have only gotten rejections as I don’t really have training. And to be honest. I felt relief when I got rejected.

I am a mum so I don’t have loads of time or money to do courses. I’m quite depressed at my career ending and I just feel sad and depressed and can’t motivate myself to move on when the truth is I don’t want to, but it’s exhausting and financially draining to keep going. I’m 40 and I feel washed up. I know there are amazing stories of people getting pHd’s at 60 and such, but I don’t have that drive and determination. I just want to sleep all day, but can’t obviously. I don’t have any family around me who can look after DC whilst I work anything out either, and my DH is set to go abroad very soon for work, so I have to do this by myself really. We will need another income soon so I will get any job I can, but long term this makes me feel like life is pointless. One day DC won’t want to engage with me and DH has work and hobbies and I will be left empty handed. I don’t have many friends and my hobby was my work I guess - I truly loved it.

By the way, before people say see my GP about my low mood I have been on and off anti-depressants and I’ve had bouts of counselling - these are all well and good but they don’t fix the source of the issue. I’m unhappy with my life and I don’t know where to turn to fix that.

OP posts:
Original poster
JarOfParts · 27/06/2024 14:53

Tentative bump.

OP posts:
Mossstitch · 27/06/2024 15:31

Sorry i don't t have anything mindblowingly original to suggest but didn't want to see your post not responded to. I did actually go to university at 43 as I had 3 kids to provide for and couldn't earn enough without it. This was in the fortunate days when NHS degrees were funded though and I got a bursary. Basically you need something that you can coast in for a while/is not too tiring if your children are young and hopefully when they get older you may find the energy to think straight and enthusiasm to start something that you'll enjoy🥺💐

Original poster
JarOfParts · 27/06/2024 15:59

Mossstitch · 27/06/2024 15:31

Sorry i don't t have anything mindblowingly original to suggest but didn't want to see your post not responded to. I did actually go to university at 43 as I had 3 kids to provide for and couldn't earn enough without it. This was in the fortunate days when NHS degrees were funded though and I got a bursary. Basically you need something that you can coast in for a while/is not too tiring if your children are young and hopefully when they get older you may find the energy to think straight and enthusiasm to start something that you'll enjoy🥺💐

Well done to you, how amazing to do so. I can’t do anything educational as we couldn’t afford for me to do so. So I think I have to get any old job for now but I’m worried that with no goals I’ll sink further into a depression. I know people will say my DC should be enough but I need something to strive for because kids aren’t around forever. When they become teenagers, they have lost interest in hanging out with mum.

OP posts:
midgetastic · 27/06/2024 16:04

I think it might be worth separating work from the "my life" question

Get a job - any job - that brings in the cash abs keeps you looking attractive / that's a short term stabilise things activity

Separately start exploring yourself - try lots of new things in lots of different categories
Volunteering
Music
Exercise
Creative
Travel

Find was inspires you to keep it going and then work out if that's something to direct where you work or keep as a hobby

LewishamMumNow · 27/06/2024 16:13

I agree try volunteering, and maybe she about being a school governor or similar. It will all look good on your cv. Is there any money for a slow burn OU course or similar?
What makes you happy? It doesn't have to be your career - if Morris Dancing gives you pleasure then c'est la vie!

Original poster
JarOfParts · 27/06/2024 17:00

I don’t think I can volunteer. When my partner is away there is no one else to look after DC so it’s either work and childcare or nothing , I can’t do anything for free. I will have to get any job and then try and work it out from there but I’m just so worried that with nothing ahead it’s going to make me worse mentally.

OP posts:
Jesswebster01 · 27/06/2024 17:12

The right job will come along I remmeber when I went back to work I had a few interviews and got rejected for them before I got the job I am at now. I have been there for 5 years and I'm so glad I didn't get the others. I think things do happen for a reason and if you haven't got one yet it's because the perfect one is waiting for you.

EasternStandard · 27/06/2024 17:14

Sorry to hear this. Can you say what you did in the creative industry?

HFJ · 27/06/2024 17:33

It might be worth remembering that for most people, a ‘career’ isn’t something they set out to do, but instead something they found they were good at once they found any old job and went from there. I doubt there’s anyone who decided, when they were at school, that they wanted to work in HR, for example. Say you got a role in an office, it is likely someone would want to put your creative mind to good use. You’d also have new colleagues as friends, too.

Maybe don’t work in a care home, though. Too miserable, shouty.

ArgonautCycle · 27/06/2024 17:39

I don’t have any family around me who can look after DC whilst I work anything out either, and my DH is set to go abroad very soon for work, so I have to do this by myself really

How long is he going abroad for? Most of us don't have family childcare, but it's necessary for both people in a couple to take responsibility for childcare and enabling the other person to work. If you (plural) need another income, and you (singular) need a new line of work, then enabling that is also your partner's responsibility, if only in terms of arranging childcare to allow retraining etc and generally being encouraging.

Can you say a little more without being too identifying about what you used to do? It sounds as if the rejection has really knocked your confidence.

BMW6 · 27/06/2024 17:40

Get a job in a supermarket for now. Do that job at your best and take time to enjoy each day.

Give yourself 6 months + to recover and mull things over.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 27/06/2024 17:44

Have you any idea what on the direction you’d want to go in? Degree apprenticeships are getting more and more common and they’re a good way to earn while you learn. I have just completed one myself (I’ll be 40 next year) as I couldn’t progress any further in the area I work in without being qualified and registered. It was hard going but so worth it in the end. You do have to have some idea of what area you would want to work in though.

HamSandwichKiller · 27/06/2024 17:47

Don't be worried about getting a 'for now' job. It's the people that make a job worth doing usually. I've had some boring ass jobs but worked in fab teams that made it a pleasure. Good luck in your job hunt!

Original poster
JarOfParts · 27/06/2024 17:52

ArgonautCycle · 27/06/2024 17:39

I don’t have any family around me who can look after DC whilst I work anything out either, and my DH is set to go abroad very soon for work, so I have to do this by myself really

How long is he going abroad for? Most of us don't have family childcare, but it's necessary for both people in a couple to take responsibility for childcare and enabling the other person to work. If you (plural) need another income, and you (singular) need a new line of work, then enabling that is also your partner's responsibility, if only in terms of arranging childcare to allow retraining etc and generally being encouraging.

Can you say a little more without being too identifying about what you used to do? It sounds as if the rejection has really knocked your confidence.

I know but his job is all our income right now and I support him to go.

It was/is writing. And yes I’m really struggling. It was more than just writing stories, you put your whole soul into it and for a while it looked so positive. And now I can’t even get a basic response from anyone and the lines feel really blurred; they always say it’s not a rejection of you just your words, but when you write from the soul it does feel like a rejection of your whole person. It’s made me feel…worthless.

I’m trying to ignore it and focus on DC but as soon as I’m alone I just sink into sadness.

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 27/06/2024 17:59

I assume if you were writing from the soul, we are talking about novel/poem/theatre type writing?

Have you tried looking at (much less soulful) writing related work in copywriting, marketing, corporate communications etc?

Original poster
JarOfParts · 27/06/2024 18:30

MojoMoon · 27/06/2024 17:59

I assume if you were writing from the soul, we are talking about novel/poem/theatre type writing?

Have you tried looking at (much less soulful) writing related work in copywriting, marketing, corporate communications etc?

Non-fiction stuff.

Theyre the jobs I applied for, but I’ve been rejected from them all. I guess I just am not qualified enough in comparison to others also looking, the job market is a tough one.

OP posts:
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