Schadenfreude

[Surprisedcupcake]

AIBU to say that sooner or later, at some point in everyone's life, you're going to feel a little bit of schadenfreude?

I'm not saying it's good, or something we should be proud of. Of course, if you're positively gleeful every time something bad happens to someone else then you're probably in need of professional help. But it's normal to, once in a blue moon, feel it and sometimes we just can't help it even if we know it's wrong?

(Inspired by another thread where the OP is being a bit told off and it made me think, corr I bet most of those posters at some point have had similar feelings)

I know the thread you mean and agree that virtually everyone has taken even just a small scrap of joy from someone else's misfortune.

It's all about what you do with these feelings though and I'd suggest that the best thing to do is to keep them to yourself.

I've never felt like that with someone who was a true friend. If you are real friends and truly care for them then no, I don't agree with this.

I think if you feel like this with a 'friend' then you are really no more than an acquaintance at best.

With someone who I really don't like who has done something to hurt me/someone close to me I've had that 'karma' thought, but I couldn't describe it as glee. More of an 'wow that's awful, couldn't have happened to a nicer person.'

@RobertaFirmino I think your second para about what we do with our feelings makes a very good point actually and is applicable to many situations where our feelings shouldn't cause us to act in a bad way!

@BookArt for sure, a very good indicator of a true friendship (or lack thereof)!

I agree. But the other poster wasn't being told off for her feelings of Schadenfreude so much as the way she was voicing them on here, which looked more like jealousy, bitterness and petty spite.

Even if you are consumed by such feelings, there's a lot of dignity to be had in keeping quiet.

I couldn't agree more and if you take such glee from a child's misfortune, then there'd something pretty wrong with you.

There's a difference between schadenfreude and malicious spite

I think it comes from personal feelings of insecurity and low-self esteem - or being in an unfortunate position in some way.

If I was super-rich, beautiful and a famous novelist (for example) I'm sure I could be incredibly generous about everyone else's success! It's when you feel insecure or that your life is precarious or very hard that you might give way to feelings of secret enjoyment when others fail at something.

I'm sure there's a famous quotation ...damn...can't remember whose! I think it might be someone like Gore Vidal who said 'When our friends succeed, a part of us dies', or similar...It's horrible, but like envy, greed and snobbery, it's part of being a human being. I think we should forgive ourselves these natural but unpleasant emotions as long as we never act upon them in real life or harm anyone by them.

It's a bit of a stealth feeling that nobody really likes to admit to. Perhaps the Germans are a little more honest with themselves in actually giving the feeling a name. And, yes, I think it's a universal human experience.

I don't think most people feel Schadenfreude in a straightforward way just to be horrible. It's more that people have an innate sense of fairness - no one should have all the luck, particularly if they are oblivious to that luck or feel entitled to it and even more so if they have spread discord and distress along the way. If the balance is somehow redressed, people might feel a quiet satisfaction.

Oh yes - I agree, however, that the post about the child having to leave a private school was really nasty.

Whatever your views on private education, a child leaving a small, probably quiet and industrious class to join a much bigger and very mixed one in a large school is going to be tough, and absolutely not the child's fault. Such children need understanding and support to adapt, not someone rubbing their hands in glee.

Incidentally, when I taught in a big comp, there were a few teachers who did just this - they were very political and used to to actively enjoy the disomfort and disorientation of the one or two children who'd come from private schools. It's not pretty to take it out on children.

Oh yeah everyone has! A neighbour backed into my car when my drive gates were open and then spent ages denying it, even though I saw it on my doorbell cam. It was a few scratches so couldn't be bothered with the insurance rigmarole, so left it but never forgot. Our road gets very icy in the winter and that year, a car skidded and went into the side if his parked car. Dented and knocked the wing mirror off. I didn't even hide my pleasure and stood at the front door smiling watching his fury play out.

Oh that's perfect @Demonhunter yeah we all do, not at a child though but I've had to listen throughout various staffrooms over the years about peoples "perfect lives/marriages/weddings/holiday/whatever & it gets tedious so I have allowed myself an inner smirk when something minor happens because that's life, also mostly the last laugh is on me because I then have to hear all the gory details about that too... schadenfreude indeed

Yes, I'll admit to it (a bit) but when I do feel it, I keep it to myself because it's really not nice/ the done thing.

I wouldn't say I feel gleeful about others' misfortune but I can feel a bit "well, duh" and bite my tongue.

My two best friends from school were quite judgy about me returning to work when my eldest was a baby, particularly as it was FT. I felt emotional about it anyway but definitely not helped by being asked things like "how can you bear to break a bond that shouldn't be broken?" Fast forward many years and they are moaning about being hard up, not being able to find anything except minimum wage work and how "lucky" I am to be able to take my kids on nice holidays and not worry about supporting them through uni. I nod sympathetically but inside I'm thinking "well, duh". Not very nice of me I know.