To find these planner comments over the top

[littletesco]

My son Y8 age 13 has had a sudden run of comments which I have contacted the school about. They seemed suprised I was concerned but have agreed to a meeting. One is suspected bullying...1 incident where he smacked a kid on the head with his planner. He tells me they were both doing it but the teacher saw him. They asked the other kid, did you do it too and the child said no ...so this is bullying? I know the other child...he turns up at our house frequently for garden water fights and camping out in the garden with my son etc and has done twice since this incident.

Another is Discriminatory Language against SEN. Apparently waiting for a lesson the boys were standing on each others toes (a group waiting to go into a lesson). They were shouting and screaming (it's an outside portacabin not that that they should have been). When my son shrieked a teacher said his noise sounded as if he was "mimicking a special needs person". I asked if a special needs child was there and my son copied the noise...I was told no but we do have autistic children in our school and his noise sounded like that".

My daughter is autistic and my son is definitely aware not to mock any special needs person.

Yes he is dicking about in school and needs bringing into line but these comments seem extreme in my view. Isn't bullying a sustained series of events? I will be asking the school their definition of bullying of course...but my point is ascribing these comments to the events i described (and which do coincide with the teacher's version of events) seems to detract from the gravity of actual bullying or SEN discriminatory language in my opinion.

I’m not sure a sen person needs to be there for it to be mimicking, I’m struggling with your thought process there.

howver really id stop focus on trying to mitigate and deal with your son.

Yes I am dealing with him thank you ...I just don't think it's bullying when there is no victim of bullying. Maybe I'm wrong there too.

sigh, just focus on sorting your kid out.

Your son is hitting others with his planner and mimicking a child with SEN?

You need to deal with your son and stop picking holes in the notes in the planner.

It is irrelevant if other children are also hitting with planners, your son was caught. It is irrelevant if you have a child with autism. Unless you think this is his way of expressing his true feelings about his sibling, which I have seen happen many a time

Part of the issue is he had 4 comments in a week. After having about the same amount in an entire year. The school told me some year 8 boys have 10 times this in a week. So yes I'll sort him out but the school seemed surprised I was concerned...I think a bullying comment and a discriminatory language comment are a cause for concern...they don't seem concerned at all but if his behaviours deserve the gravity of these comments then surely they should be.

@notnowmarmaduke except he wasn't mimicking a child with sen. A teacher had just decided he must have been because he shrieked in a way that reminded them of how some sen pupils sound. If the school want to accuse him of acting badly against pupils with sen then they need stronger evidence than that.

I would feel similarly but still nip this in the bud immediately and back the teachers 100%. If he gets known to be rowdy it can result in a vicious cycle.

OP, it's end of term. DCs are tired, over-excited, doing things outside their normal routine. The weather is hot. They all get a little exuberant. They egg each other on.

Just have a quiet word with him and then put it out of your mind.

I'm fully prepared to sort him out for dicking about but I just don't classify this personally as bullying when I know this child and they mess about constantly and are friends. He's literally at my house most weekends

Thanks I'll try but I'm struggling wether to feel thoroughly ashamed of him viewed through the wording of these comments or see it as rowdy behaviour that needs bringing into line as you say

Oh puleese! stop trying to train 13 yr olds to be perfect. It is not in their nature to think analytically on the spur of the moment.
Yes, pull them up on behaviour at the time but all these meetings and reports will get in the way of living a life.

First one is Horseplay/Tomfoolery
Second one is Shrieking Like A Banshee
Both are Dicking Around

Sadly Dicking Around isn't on SIMS or Class Charts

If it were, I'd be using it more than any other
I'd have classed both as Disruption Low Level but that only carries one point.
Disruption to Learning is two but presumably - and if on the yard - staff have tried to raise its seriousness as it was Serious Dicking Around

There aren't that many options that fit tbh - hitting someone on the head with a planner is physical but recording it as Assault on another pupil is more heavy handed than bullying tbf.

The behaviour comment banks are frustrating at times.
Other Minor tells you sod all.
Inappropriate language doesn't cover the shrieking.

At the end of the day, tell your boy to stop acting up/clowning.
Boys will be boys = bollocks. Weather/end of term/bantz = excuses
Like a g/sigma = just showing off
Sort him out.

@FailBetter thanks so much, this makes a lot of sense and helps me understand better the parameters involved

Came to say this too.

I understand your worry as a parent as this language is worrying, and the increase in issues suddenly. I think you contacting the school to support your son shows a good parent. They don't have major concerns so I would deal with it at home and keep an eye on it.

I wouldn't get stuck on the language as stated by PP. Because as they have stated the alternatives are worse, it is tricky when you are quickly adding an issue on the system and it doesn't quite fit anything.

But at the end of the day, yes the weather is hot and it is the end of the term, but his behaviour needs to be addressed and you are doing so, as are staff. He can have a joke with his friends, but this is him learning where the joke goes too far.

@FailBetter thank you...yes he has been spoken to and he's on his best behaviour at home certainly, volunteering for jobs etc. Hopefully this can be nipped in the bud!!

Wow thanks! I haven't had a good hacking in a while.

I would feel the same way, but I would still stay and support the teachers 100%. If his conflict becomes known, it can lead to a vicious cycle.