No one likes me

[user1246896]

I’m feeling very low. I just feel that no one really likes me. Had an event at my kids school today and they’re already in their little groups and I’ve really tried but I can’t seem to fit in. I smile and politely make chit chat but I feel upset after every event and second guess myself. I feel maybe I try to be too nice and friendly and maybe I should stop trying. I had a neglectful and dysfunctional childhood which may be playing a part in my feelings about myself. I just feel lonely and fed up and overwhelmed.

Thank you all! You are all so lovely and kind. I feel more hopeful. I haven’t long moved into this neighbourhood and my son started reception class in new school in September like everyone else. I am going to take on board the advice. Thank k you all. I’ve been sat here stuffing my face! I can’t stop eating. I know it’s emotional bingeing.

Tips:

1. Look for other school mothers that are alone
2. Take a relative or a friend and chat together - one that can manage alone if you do get busy chatting to others
3. A puppy is a massive ice breaker and distraction as is a newborn
4. You only need one friend and build from there
5. Look relaxed and happy even if you are uncomfortable
6. Organise play dates on a Friday and offer a glass of wine at pick up
7. I have loads of friends - the above works!

Look the best version of yourself they will pick up on your confidence. Quality clothes, relaxed blow dry.

Do you have other friends? Finding real friends in this scenario is the same likelihood as finding them in any other.
I know myself to be a completely socially capable person. I am chatty and friendly and make an effort. I have friends from school, university and work.
My eldest is now 13. In all the years of engaging with school friend mums I can say I’ve found only 4 or 5 who I could truly say were friends, even for a short period. Only really 1 has stuck for an extended period of time.

@Smartiepants79 i never stayed in one place during my childhood so I only have 2 childhood friends who I rarely see. I don’t feel I really have maintained friendships over the years I just let them drift

Two things I found helped, one was joining the PTA, mine was lovely and I made some good friends even though my kids are now adults! Helping at school discos/fete extra is a natural way to get to know parents from lots of school years.
Secondly, we moved midway through primary school to an area where everyone seemed to know each other. I think it took me about a year to find my feet and that was as a more 'experienced' school mum. I got kids to invite anyone they fancied over for a play date/tea/birthday party. Then the general chat about those things at pickup turned in to friendly faces/normal chat.

I cant really vote reasonable or unreasonable here, because it is never unreasonable to feel how you feel, but it might be unreasonable to place too much importance on it. I think most people feel like this at times. Sorry it is happening to you.

I always remember going to a parents council meeting at my children's school. I arrived slightly late and all the adult chairs were taken. The only chair for me was nursery sized and I'll never forget sitting a few feet below everyone else while they talked around me.
I never went back to those meetings but did finally realize that there were many other parents as isolated as I was.