Any other mums of small kids really struggling?

[FaeryRing]

Yes I have a DP and yes he does half but it’s not enough. The whole house came down with D&V a few days ago on top of this 100 day cough so we haven’t slept for literally weeks - youngest (1) is up coughing and fighting naps, the oldest (5) seems to be going through a phase of nightmares or wakefulness on top of the coughing. I’m absolutely exhausted, have 2 mouth ulcers, feel completely worn out and I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t screamed awake after a couple of hours. I don’t even know if I could sleep through the night any more, it hasn’t happened for years.

On top of this I’m going through a critical period at work where failure simply isn’t an option, not if I want to keep the career I’ve been building for 8 years.

I really don’t need advice, this is a moan thread. I’ve trawled every ‘stressed mum thread’ going for tips, I have no family help whatsoever and anything that makes it easier I do. But it isn’t enough.

Solidarity comrade ✌️

On Saturday DP was in bed poorly, DD went down for her nap, and I had an utterly blissful hour of absolute peace and quiet.
It hit me I've not experienced one moment's peace in years, and it will likely be another few years before the planets align and I get another hour. The thought of it made me cry, I literally sat in the garden and cried my flipping eyes out 🤦🏻‍♀️

Its just so fucking relentless isnt it..

I have a list of autoimmune issues that I have to stay on top of. If I have a flare I cant work, if I cant work we cant move house (I'm the higher earner and we're desperate to move away from stabby s.london before DD starts school).
Feels like everything is riding on me, yet I cant get the bare basics I need (SLEEP, or even just an hours peace once in a while!) to even function.

DP has this really annoying habit, whenever I say I'm off to bed, he launches into a fucking monologue about anything from footie to family drama, distracting me and keeping me from going upstairs

Usually it'd be water off a ducks back and I'd just tell him to STFU, but I'm so fucking exhausted and under so much pressure, that it makes me want to beat him about the head with my shoe 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have no answers or helpful tips, just another drained working mum letting off steam.. Thank you for providing a space to do so!

Yeeeees. Have the same aged kids. It's so hard. One year old not yet walking but so frustrated and takes so much time. 5 year old super jealous. My life is an unending list of chores, punctuated by work.

Should add, before I get piled on; I'd never beat my DP with a shoe it was a joke, he does his fair share and I love him dearly; he is my rock

Just to clarify 😂

It's so so hard without family help. People who have it often don't realise how lucky they are. All I can say is that this stage is unbelievably tough but it does get better 💐

If he's a rock then a shoe wouldn't work anyway, you'd have to use paper to beat him! 😁

😂😂😂😂

I don't know if this helps at all but my children are all adults now and I've just been on Google Earth looking at all the houses we lived in when they were little, feeling nostalgic for those 'simpler' innocent days. Which is not to say I don't remember the unrelenting awfulness of raising small children, but somehow, that isn't the overwhelming impression you are left with after time.

It will get easier, and meanwhile, you are doing an amazing job.

Yes, only the one DD (4) and no family help. We are all permanently ill.

DH is having heart issues and will need some surgery in the near future. We are living in a house renovation and are completely broke.

I work 4 days in a busy role, DH full time and it is super stressful. Absolutely exhausted by the relentless cough.

I went to stay with my parents last weekend and slept for 13hrs a night. It was amazing. Unfortunately they aren’t local but the little rest was lovely. I was tempted to move in.

Yes, single mum here working full time, going through a divorce, wondering how I'll afford to downsize with crazy interest rates, and manage the summer holidays. It feels utterly relentless.

Solidarity all. It’s bloody awful. Currently sat at work with a headache and feeling like I’m going to throw up. I don’t know if it’s exhaustion or the kids stomach bug. I just want to cry all the time, it’s so awful. People who have nearby helpful parents literally have no idea what this is like, I wouldn’t even feel like I was parenting if I had an afternoon a week to myself and somebody for emergency pick ups.

Ended up coming home early from work, was violently sick everywhere and have spent the last 5 hours in bed feeling beyond ill. Currently on the sofa. Feel so weak but can hear DS screaming from his cot and DD still awake and trying to get up. DP is seeing to them but I feel like I physically can’t do it any more, like I’m too tired and mentally broken.

Mine are 3 and 5. We have family support nearby but as we both work FT, the support is mainly during working hours to reduce childcare costs a bit. Whilst I’m obviously very very grateful for this, I feel bad and guilty asking for support in evenings or weekends so we can have a break. So when not working, the kids are with us 24/7. All I do is work, and parent.

I’m fucking exhausted. It’s relentless. They don’t play nicely together, they wind each other up something rotten and end up screaming and fighting. I can’t leave the room to go for a piss without there being screams and carnage within less than a minute.

Everyone has parroted “it gets easier!” since the day my 2nd was born. I’m still fucking waiting…

We are living the same life. Ours are 23 months apart and everyone gave me the whole “so close in age they will play together” BS!!!

they fight on average every 5 mins. It’s relentless and we also use family one day a week for working childcare so we get zero breaks outside of this as they don’t want to babysit because of the childcare. I have a friend whose wee boy stays at grandparents every Friday night and most of day on sat and I always feel so jealous we just don’t have that at all. It’s utterly relentless. My 3 year old has recently slept through night twice over the last few weeks…. For the first time ever. He’s three!!!! Totally crazy and exhausting. I adore them but it’s so hard at times and no thanks in any of it x

@FaeryRing oh god that sucks, sorry to see the update. Hope it passes soon!

Hey if there ever was a silver lining to having a bug, you have no choice but to lay down. I'd be milking that for a few days. Your DP will be busy 😂

Exactly the same here. Kids same age toon It's relentless. Have just gone back to work after Mat leave and the kids have been continuously ill - tonsillitis, d&v, chest infections, D&V again and now.......d&v again. I am completely exhausted. Desperate for a promotion at work but there's no way I could work harder than I do.

Urgh. I love them with all my heart but I miss me.

Totally hear you about the fighting/winding each other up. My 2 will play nicely for a few minutes then it starts - fighting over toys, the oldest knocking the youngest over, if I cuddle one the other launches themselves at me.

I’m back to work this morning and feel like I’ve lost about 5lb in the last 48 hours alone, I feel completely weak and the thought of being cooped up with them for the whole weekend while it probably rains all weekend is filling me with cold dread.

I’m seriously, seriously considering renting a small flat nearby so DP and I can at least get a couple of nights sleep each a week there. It’s not good trying to sleep through the screaming at night here, you just can’t. I don’t really have 800 a month to chuck away but my mental health is absolutely teetering and my body is heading the same way. For my sanity I need a break from these children.

Sorry my ranting is taking it to the next dark level but this is probably the lowest ebb I’ve had yet and there’s just no sign of it easing off. We’re all still ill, got the summer holidays coming up and I honestly don’t know how I’ll do it. It’s so hard explaining to anyone that there IS. NO. HELP.

I am in awe of single mums as I have DP and it’s this bad. Any kind of lightness and relaxation in my life just feels utterly finished

If you have any spare money, is it worth thinking about some help at home to outsource some of the stress?
A Nanny or a cleaner?

I'm with you. Working full time and zero family support. Only have 1 but also 7 months pregnant and in a very full on job with scrutiny. Only saving grace is I probably have a longer leash being pregnant

We've had Covid, chickpox, phases of DS recusing to sleep or go back to sleep and also D&V in the last 6 weeks alone. It's been awful.

One thing after another and my pregnant tired body can't take much more. Another sleepless night last night.

No advice back but a solidarity post.

Don't rent a flat pay a nanny. Don't feel guilty. Get a nanny to do pick ups and bedtimes and make it a non negotiable.

I came back from SW London on train and next morning- and for 36 hrs(?!!) was vomiting severely.

5 weeks later ( last week) had severe stomach pains that came on suddenly and was vomiting again- with squits!

Local pharmacy staff said they were struck down, too.

Seems there is a 5 year spike in Norovirus cases this season- It’s grim.

Hope you feel better soon .

It’s very hard when children are young.
👍

Thanks but help at home would make zero difference, they would still be screaming for me at night, still clamouring to get to me if they knew I was in the house, and frankly I would be even less relaxed with somebody I barely know under the roof watching me have my nervous breakdown. At least a couple of guaranteed nights sleep a week would be uninterrupted and make a difference. This is the worst time yet, I can’t imagine ever looking back and wanting to go back to this.

I really feel for you ♥️ second pregnancies are something else aren’t they - so much less rest than the first time round. Why are our kids sick so much? I don’t remember it being this bad for my younger siblings. DP thinks it’s the weather - endless mild rainy weather means it’s like autumn/spring year round and the germs don’t freeze off, they just continue to spread.

@FaeryRing This bug is very severe.
I too lost so much weight I had to use a belt to keep my trousers from slipping down.
With two children it must be so hard, especially if they squabble- which almost all do when young.

One child is easy in that regard- I remember our mum
being in tears over us squabbling as children.

I selfishly stuck to just one child - DH wanted more.

When Husband buggered off with a colleague I was relieved to have just the one child to care for .

I didn’t have any help, either- to afford a house, we’d moved 112 miles away from families (In retrospect not a good idea)

The spike in Norovirus cases is partly down to weather according to online- plus a severe variant , too.