To think if your husband tries to kill you and your kids you get a divorce not take him back?

[CormorantStrikesBack]

Californian dr who drove his car off a cliff with his family inside is about to be released from prison after his wife begged prosecutors to drop attempted murder charges. I get that she believes it was all down to a delusional psychotic episode…..but even if that’s true what’s to say it couldn’t happen again?

No matter how much I loved him i couldn’t take that risk and would need to prioritise my kids safety. It’s all very well saying if he takes his meds he’ll be ok…..but people with serious mental health issues don’t always comply with taking their medication. He has to be tested twice a week to show he’s taking his meds which is great for now but will they carry that on for life? Doubtful

plus the prosecution pointed out he initially tried to blame the accident on a tyre blow out. Surely someone who was so acutely mentally unwell would still be talking about the symptoms of his psychosis/delusions…….not trying to invent a bullshit reason to cover it all up?

I hope it works out and they stay safe, the prosecution maintains they think he’s a risk of being a family annihilator

nypost.com/2024/06/26/us-news/california-doctor-dharmesh-patel-wont-face-trial-granted-mental-health-diversion-program/

The children should be removed from their care

Abusive relationships fuck your mind up, it's literally the whole reason it works. It's like Stockholm syndrome. Of course she's going to protect her abuser above all else, becuase he's abused and conditioned her to do that.

Sounds like a very complex issue to me, the effect it will be having on everyone will be huge. Her feelings on it will also be very complex, it's easy to decide on the obvious when you're looking in from the outside.
I do agree with you that she should be prioritising her kid's safety but this kind of situation can be very difficult, confusing and distressing to deal with when you're right in the middle of it all. I do hope she figures it out and has the support she needs.

True that it’s very easy for me to say this when I’m not involved. When you’ve loved someone for so long you will be so desperate to believe it was all due to illness and won’t happen again.

True that it’s very easy for me to say this when I’m not involved. When you’ve loved someone for so long you will be so desperate to believe it was all due to illness and won’t happen again.

It doesn't say he's returning to the family home. It says he's been ordered to stay with his parents. He won't be driving them all in a car any time soon.
So if we assume he won't be in a position to hurt his family, what's your concern, exactly?
Having said that, I do wonder if the outcome would have been the same if he'd been, say, a bar tender not a doctor...

I really hope she's okay. My sister was abused for nearly 15 years. She finally left when he stabbed her and their children (luckily they were all okay, physically anyway).
My DH doesn't get it. He always says if a woman stays with a man who hits her, it's because she likes being hit. I honestly despair and don't have discussions like that with him anymore.
It's never easy to leave your abuser and even worse when there are children involved but I actually do think the kids should be removed. He's happy to try and kill them (don't buy his excuse) and she's happy to facilitate that. It's one thing to put yourself at risk but quite another to it to innocent children. Ultimately she has chosen him over them. Heartbreaking.

He isn’t moving back to the family home for now. He hasn’t been banned from seeing them so I’d expect he has every opportunity to hurt them if he wanted.

I left a long abusive marriage last September time. It totally messes with your head. I could never understand why people would go back to an abusive partner once they had escaped. Now I completely understand.
Even now I still get pangs to do so and he is still being a cobtrolling vindictive bastard to me any way he can through the divorce system. But he has totally conditioned me into thinking how bad life must be for him and I need to go and fix it.
If it weren't that he had started doing the same behaviour on the kids - hitting them, ignoring them, telling them that if he killed himself it would be their fault etc I would never have left in the first place.

Your DP says WHAT??? Do you have kids - would he say that about one of your children??? I'm guessing that's a comment taken from a wider problematic picture, I hope you are safe.

@Crystallizedring how can you stay married to a man that says that sort of thing? It’s fucked up. I hope you are ok and that remark isn’t a reflection of wider issues on your marriage because it is a worrying remark.
the couple in question in this case should have the children removed from their care.
many women who are abused think and behave the way this woman does as they have been brainwashed and manipulated for so long by a controlling abuser they are incapable of seeing the wood for the trees. Doesn’t mean the children have to become the ultimate victims of this sort of potentially tragic dynamic

I'm the child of a very abusive marriage. As PP have said, they completely fuck with your mind. There's often coercive control and financial control in the mix so it's extremely hard, (if not well nigh impossible) to get away. In a case like that, the state should be taking complete control. The children are not safe.

Doesn't he know the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is if she tries to leave him? A lot of murders have happened then. Eg. Natalie Hemming. Just one of many.