To let Sen ds miss sports day

[EsmeeMerlin]

Hi I have a 6 year old son who is autistic and has global development delay. He is currently in mainstream school with a 1-1 but we are in the process of trying to get him in a autism base unit because he is not making any progress in mainstream and it's not the right setting for him. The last couple of weeks we have had an increase in incidents where he has become frustrated and overwhelmed. He finds the weather too much, there is a lot going on at school this time of year and he is aware things will soon be changing.

Sports day is next Tuesday and neither myself or his dad can attend due to work. It's two year bands with 5 classes in each year band, on a field for 2 hours with parents and a pe teacher with a microphone who likes to use sports day as an audition for a presenting job.

The school's plan is to see how ds will go and if necessary his 1-1 will take him off on his own. Ds is still likely to be disregulated from the change in routine and the other children's excitement.

So my aibu-would I be unreasonable for ds to have the day off school and spend the day with his auntie instead. My sister has offered to have him for the day and he will get a one on one day bonding with his aunt. She has plans to take him to the park or a little soft play near her that will be nice and quiet for him.

I work in a school myself so I am well aware of the whole attendance matters speech but I just can't bear ds having another day struggling in school from the sake of a sports day!

Wish I’d kept my 10 year old autistic DD off this year because it was boiling hot, she cried and wouldn’t participate. Next year she can stay at home. The fact it’s even entered your head that he could stay home with his Auntie means it’s the right decision- go with your gut.

The only possible reason to send him in would be if the inevitable meltdown and subsequent days of dysregulation would be helpful in getting him the support he actually needs. It depends on how much evidence you already have of problems.

There’s potentially a risk that if you keep him off, that could be spun as you being the problem, meaning it’s a reason for the council not to take his problems seriously. ‘Mum keeps him off rather than working with the school’ style thinking.

Personally, I’d keep him off.

Skip sports day, perhaps you could do a family one during the summer instead with trophies up for grabs so there's no missing out.

In terms of sport though, dont write it off completely. You just haven't found the right one yet and they can be invaluable in regulating. Rock climbing or similar is often popular with autistic children,it's largely physical problem solving so suits those with a logical mind.

Do try rugby, it's great for autistic DD. The physicality side is great for getting the 'grrs' out. The rules and structure are good too. There are several National autistic players and if you are in Scotland I believe they have a specific programme. A winter sport so generally played September - April so the bright sun and heat and general sweatiness are less of a problem.

I've found the coaches to be very supportive, on match days DD does the warm up and second half only in her position - if she's up for more she'll take it on the day but coaches check with her first instead of thrusting her in the deep end.

While I do get your point, I don't really feel that great about keeping him in school on a day i know he will find difficult so the local authority can collect more evidence. They already have the evidence this year from the Christmas party, world book day, science day, class assembly and any time his 1-1 or class teacher are not in and someone different is in the class 😂

Thanks everyone, he will have a day with his auntie. This time of year ds is struggling enough without a sports day thrown in.

Another vote for keeping him off. My autistic son (aged 5) had a miserable few hours last week at sports day, as did I. Not only did he struggle with the total change in routine and setting, he was thrown by how they had to transition quickly from one ‘fun’ activity to the next. He ended up in a state and I know was painfully aware of how he wasn’t joining in with the others. He was then off kilter for a few days afterwards. None of this is helped by him also suffering from hayfever! In short, let him miss it and enjoy a calm time with his aunt!

@EsmeeMerlin then I’d keep him off. You’ve already got plenty of evidence so no need to generate more.

it’s awful though, isn’t it. DD2 melts down regularly and I’m faced with either trying to stop it, or letting it happen so there’s more to take to CAMHS.