Hi,
I’m struggling so much at the moment. DH has always been a bit lazy and clueless around the house, for example, leaving cupboard doors open, pile of his dirty underwear that doesn’t get cleared for days/weeks or unless I say something (or pick it up myself), if he cooks (not often) rest assured everything he has used (including empty packets) will be left on the worktop, leaves empty beer bottles all over the worktop or on the dining table (not many, say like 3 or 4 all in different places). Since having our eldest 6 years ago I refused to keep his clothes (I wash and Iron but won’t put in his wardrobe), so the pile of clean clothes he has just builds and builds, it can sometimes be a a whole month before he tidies it away.
I suppose I could be less picky (I do have slight ocd, or maybe not, I just dislike unnecessary clutter), like I could be ok with empty bottles being left on the worktop to be kept in the recycling in the morning BUT our recycling box is in larder in the kitchen so couldn’t be more easy accessible.
I also suppose I could just grim and bear it and do everything after him, BUT I also work. I work nights, granted only 2 so 24 hours a week, but I also clean holiday cottages and I am doing a part-time Law degree (currently on my last year so it is tough), and I have a 6 year old and an 18 month old who I take most of the mental load of remembering everything school related and after school activities related for the eldest.
I just feel like I’m such a nag (and I hate nagging), but before I literally just would close each cupboard door after him, put the kettle back if he’s used it and put it next to the kettle boil thing, put his recycling away, keep anything he’s used that isn’t child safe away after he’s used it before any little hands get hold of it. But I’m at my wits end and to try and make him see these things I point it out to him (not little things like putting the kettle back although that annoys me the most because why not put it back on the docking thing, especially when he places it right next to it). But I will say “oh you didn’t put these away”, “you’ve left the cheese out again, can you please put it back in the fridge” or it may be the milk, or pretty much anything he’s used, it’ll be left out.
And also so disassociated with anything family related at the moment. Enjoys his phone more than having a conversation. We are stuck in a rut, there isn’t much affection, he craves affection, I try and be a bit more affectionate with kisses and hugs but I have told him I need conversations, and him being attentive in the moment before I can get back to being affectionate. How am I supposed to cuddle someone I haven’t had a proper conversation with?! He has no interest in looking for things for our DD’s, like I’m currently looking to buy something for the garden to make the summer holidays a bit more fun for a 6 year old and an 18 month old, but he has no interest, says it’s because he’s worried about spending BUT will happily spent £100’s on products to clean the car, no questions asked!
He does try and help sometimes, like he changed the bed sheets without me, we were going to do it together, but he used some old bedsheets that we haven’t used in almost a year (that also don’t fit our bed) that I happened to keep in a bag with our DD’s bedsheets, and it’s like, thanks for doing that, but we alternate the same 2 bed sets each week, for so long. And the clean bedding was already on a chair in our room, that I had pointed out.
There is so much more, and this is such a rant. I’m starting to really question my sanity and think is the issue me? Am I asking too much? The least I want is rubbish being put straight in the bin and not left on the worktop so the house doesn’t look so dirty, or his attention and some fun time with the family. Am I going insane? AIBU?
FYI, we were in a bad’ish place not long ago and I explained how unhappy I was at times and I really don’t want us to end, but I also don’t really want our DD’s to see me like this. I want them to have a stable, fun, happy home (which it is most of the time anyway) but I feel so guilty for feeling so sad and want to be the best for them.